***********trigger warning************
suicide i have tired
4 when i could not flee sexual assaults, beating, torture
14 again unable to flee sexual assaults physical and mental abuse denied the right to attend school
21 following a violent spousal attack, learning of his embessiment in my business, infidelity and sexual assault on customers and staff
23 x violent rape ona 13 yr old, gang rape of 10 men for 8 hrs ona young woman in a camp i worked where her blood and clothing was left for us to deal with and threatened by 28 people to shut my mouth......2nd violent rape charge agaisn tmy x by a postal worker
i have attended fuenreals for suicide
my favorite cousin 22 gun shot when his wife was sleeping around
sons friend 15 gunshot bullying classmates and teachers
daughers friends sister 14 hung herself bullying classmates
i can extend this list well husbands shooting wives and themselves .......fathers shooting themselves in front of sons , my friends
i have seen grief and i have seen pain even felt it myself .......please tell me why pull crap on other like this .........you get drunk steal a vehicle and smash it into two vehicles ......your get abreak and twice screw up parole because you are lonely and do not want to be alone at home......you get a job but do not get up in the morning .do not work hard when you do work or complete tasks given to you........prove over and over you are unable to physically handle the job and show no sign in trying to improve but pretend your sick........yes pretend (i am a mom i know flu signs and even ulcer signs and fake signs ) learn ya hate hieghts yep bingo........trial period over you let them go (fire them).........what flippen right does any one then have to go out and attempt to hang themselves...........i see the marks from one ear to the other ear i ignore them on him ..........we barely drive away and i get a text ...."Heyik u noticed my neck don't feel bad please it wasn't u who caused it ....it was me who caused it not u its not your fault "...........I seriously wanted to turn around walk up to this kid and say okay enough crap ............you screw up feel sorry for yourself over and over but instead of changing the path your on you keep cutting and trying suicide why.......no one is beating you hurting you but trying to help you and you are treating people like crap....why because you do not have the flippen guts to man up grow up and take the responsibility for your actions .........get out of bed , do a days work and do it right .......at the end of the day you will have achieve something to feel good about than poor me no one wants me........no one wants you because you have no self respect no work ethics and no common sense and only you can change that and not by poor woooooooo me....texting me when i am obviously ignoring what i see is not making your case but proving you are doing this all wrong ..........the rope marks tell me the attempt is not serious but acry for help..........the text tells me you want a response from me and you will go to any means to get one........you did not hide the marks either time i saw you.....your not in the syc ward tells me your family and the doctor do nto feel you are serious either.......
so if any of you hear has the ability to change your own path just change it and get on with life do not pass your issues on to the rest of us......if you are in an abusive home find a way out they are not worth it, there is doors today that i never had when yonger ......if your being bullied at school change schools or homeschool it is only a few years of your life seriously you sepnd 12 yrs in school and live to be 80 or 100...........your heart breaks it heals trust me ...........you make bad choices then make better ones .
suicide effects people like a pebble in the water for the ripples can go far and wide.......you think you life means nothing to any one it does ......my daughter learnt a man 42 commited suicide yesterday ......he was known as a friendly guy whom bought beer for many and helped many ..........he could not find work as a handi man yet he was neighbour to us and we did not know of him nor learn he even did this work .........he had abad divorce so feared trusting women again yet some longed ot be with him.......his death worth it no he had a choice ot change his path .......he could have learnt to trust and love again and not feel so alone .......he could have formed other circles than drinking ones and gotten known better in t he area and even hired more then ........his death is senseless .......life i swha tyou make it and if you see hopelessness you will follow it ..........i speak of experience .........i followed this path and stayed along time on it .........had this kid done this to me 15 yrs ago i may have killed myself believing i drove him to this point for i believed i was worthless and unimportant then.....what do you think that would do to him then?? for every action there is achain reaction , wha tyou think or want to happen often is far from reality what does happen
my rant for the day needed to get this out ........please take what you can utilize and leave the rest behind .......i am more or less just venting outloud