I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I am 8 months sober. Not my first go at this by any means, I've been battling addiction for 20 years now,pot,cocaine(every way it can be done)but alcohol has always been my biggest demon. Two years ago my husband overdosed when shooting up cocaine in the bed next to me, I woke up with him dead beside me he had been dead for hours. I was overcome with grief and depression and anxiety. It got to where I was drinking from the time I woke up to the time I p***ed out in the evening, getting up in the middle of the night to drink. I totally isolated myself from my family especially my 24 year old daughter. She became fed up with me and told me she wouldn't talk to me until I got sober. I went to a 28 day rehab and came out feeling very strong...that was 8 months ago.
I am soooo tired of life kicking me in the ***. I know I need to take life on life's terms but it is getting hard.
I had to have my doberman put to sleep a few months ago..another thing taken from me. My daughter is moving out of state...another thing taken form me. She has been my check valve since I've been sober..she keeps me honest. I am TERRIFIED that when she leaves I will have no one. I have no friends, I feel utterly alone and I am scared
Hi Purple Girl, congratulations on being 8 months sober, I think that you are so incredibly strong and will stay on this positive path. I think that since your daughter is moving away, it's time to start developing friendships in your area. Do you have any old friends who you can re-acquaint yourself with or any other family members in your area? As well, do you have local community activities where you can meet new people?
And, I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. I've lost two dogs in my life and I know how devastating it can be. No other dog will ever replace that one, but would you consider getting another dog?
thanks so much for the reply I unfortunately have no family in the area, I have been trying to find a class at the community college but nothing interests me( not much does interest me now) I am very social phobic and have a very hard time making friends, my husband was my best and only friend and I still feel like I'm free falling even 2 years after his death. The one friend I thought I could reconnect with ended up borrowing money from me all the time and it turns out she's smoking crack...the last thing I need to be around. I've been struggling the past few days with whether I should keep her in my life, she is the only person I can talk to other than my daughter . FML I'm alone and it sucks and I'm tired of whining about it. I just want to be happy
P.S I did get a new puppy but it sure ain't the same
Purple Girl, I think that you need to focus on yourself and help yourself first. If your friend is willing to admit she has a problem and is willing to get help, then of course continue to have her in your life. But, otherwise I most definitely would not have someone like that in your life. Also, it's all about taking small steps towards bettering yourself and getting yourself to a happy place. What's one thing that you can do to make yourself smile today?
Purple Girl wonderful job on staying sober, stay strong & DO start exploring yourself & what you would like to accomplish now that you have raised such a fine daughter & formed the next generation.
Purple Girl, I would like to urge you to make a church connection. Go somewhere you feel you could lay your soul open and still be welcomed. You might have to visit a few. God accepts the breaking and the broken and knows your pain. There have been so many times I've laid my own situations on Him when I had no one else to tell. He listens when I'm crying and He understands my tears. Two things He has given us to do while here in this life is to help others and help others find Him, but we can do that only if we know Him first.
Peace, Love & Joy to you,
Diane
I have been sober for long stretches of time in my life and only lately 2007 began drinking again and ity started in happy social contexts. But not good nos, because I am home alone and although basically happy with my life I cannot stop drinking once I start so realize again that I absolutey must quit. My Mom just died Feb 7 and I only began more intensively a year or so ago late at night when I had quiet time as we were in a very big caregiving challenge.
But now very new opportunities are coming in my life and it means the alcohol must go if I am to live entirely honestly for the new tasks and new life I am ready to accept.I do not feel honest when I drink but like I am living a lie especially when in denial about its bad effects on me.
And I have been drinking alone which is certainly insanity!!
I want to live honestly and in the truth or else I am a phony and a fake especially since I am in caring and helping work for others.
firesurge
First off, THANKS for sharing, love your PIC. Your story is awesome, I can soooo relate ! Me toooo. Your daughter will grow up. My son did. Now, have two grand kids. It is worth it. I hope at this posting you are still caring for yourself. I go to A.a. and N.A. : Alcohol is a drug.
You can go on line for N.A. chat rooms and meetings. Do what you must. My son grew up and was filled with much feeling over my using & how it affected his life, Being clean.....all I could do at that time was Walk it out. I am trying to do the same now, after relapse, 26 days now. Keep coming back.