Trying to decipher this last dateis he a gentleman

I went on a date last week with a man whom I met one and a half years ago. We always saw one another in group environments and then he asked me out to dinner. It was really great catching up with him and we spent over 4 hours talking. He asked a lot of questions about me, which showed me that he had genuine interest. Though, there were a couple of things that kind of bothered me, but I don't want to be extreme and consider them deal breakers quite yet [or should I?].

First, he had a bit of a wandering eye when we were at dinner. When a beautiful woman would walk by, he was blatantly stare her down. I really tried to let that go in my mind so that it didn't ruin my time with him. Then, we ran into a "friend" of his, who was a total blonde bombshell, and they were both quite touchy-feely with one another. Again, I tried to look past that. We ran into yet another friend of his, so we all decided to have a drink together. It started getting late, so I excused myself and thanked him for a wonderful evening. I was shocked when he didn't even walk me out to hail a cab. The streets were dark and empty, and here I was in the cold trying to hail a non-existent cab.

So there are 3 distinct points that stood out; 1) wandering eyes, 2) overly flirtatious with a "friend", and 3) didn't walk me out to a cab. Am I being too picky and overly analytical here or am I being too nice about the situation and just need to run, not walk from him?

There are no plans to see one another for a couple of weeks when we are both back in town, but he has been calling and texting. I am just on the fence here. Do I give him another chance and just see what happens? hmmmmmm.....

Thank you so much for any and all advice!

Gosh it has been so long since I have been "on the market".

All guys look, so you can't really get too mad for that, I guess. A guy can be head over heels in love with you, want to marry you, want you to have his babies etc....and if an even marginally attractive woman walks past, he will look. I don't think it means anything. It is just a guy thing. Women are just more discreet. I am married and even if our marriage has issues I am very much in love and would never cheat in a million years. But I will have a look at some eye candy if I think I can get away with it.

The touchy-feely friend thing is kind of eeeww. Perhaps they have hooked up at some time. Is she married now?

The cab thing is pretty rude but I guess you could chalk it up to a dumbass attack on his part, just not thinking.

He asked you out, talked to you for 4 hours, and is calling and texting you...I'd say he is interested. I would tend to give him the benefit of the doubt for right now, but that is just me. There may be other rude things he does in the future that would indicate he needs to go bye-bye. But I would almost tend to think he is more socially akward then he is intentionally rude.

Beyond that, what do you think? Is he nice? Is he smart? Funny? Cute? If so, I would give him another chance....

Hi Joker_girl! Hope you're having a fantastic day! Thank you so much for your great response to my post. I really like how you broke it down for me and put it all in perspective. I think that you are completely right on the wandering eye and that just being a part of men's nature, so I will just have to let that one slide. Funny enough, the last couple of guys that I went out with really had the wandering eye and it was must more blatant and noticeable than others guys who I've dated, so maybe that's why it stood out to me. I will just chalk that up to a guy thing.

In regard to his "friend". Well, I don't know their history, he kept emphasizing that she's a "good friend" and even said that he wants to set her up with his friend. So, guess I will let that one go as well.

The cab thing was pretty bad, but could have been late, tired, and just didn't cross his mind. Not making excuses for him, but will let that slide as well.

To answer your questions; he is cute, intelligent, super funny and entertaining (I laughed a lot), so I guess giving him another chance would be the smart thing to do.

I suppose that I am just trying to make sure that I am more open-minded now and deal breakers are very far and few between, because as we get older our lists get dangerously longer. Therefore, I am trying to keep my list of deal breakers short and allowing the good to far outweigh any bad, as I tend to think the other way around.

Good for you puppy, proceed with caution & seriously have fun & enjoy yourself. YOU & Joker are correct we tend to think too much of certain situations probably because of our past experiences or whatever drama directly or indirectly happened in our lives & I always tell my 18yr. old "Go enjoy yourself & DON'T play INTO the drama crap" it sucks life DRY & then his girlfriend seems to gravitate/enjoy going towards DRAMA cause shes young & he's aware but doesnt have the experience/wisdom to deal w/most of it, so feel your way through it, your gutts will tell you what IS what cause your a smart gal, go have fun & please share w/us. I'll be thinking of you
April

Thank you so much for the fantastic advice April! You are so right on; just got to get out there and have fun, keep it light and drama-free. Life is already stressful enough, so I don't need to be adding anything to that, thus I will just go with the flow [eyes wide open of course] and have fun. Thanks again!

Uhhh, by what you've said, I wouldn't take this guy too seriously. If you're bored and like the attention, sounds good but those 3 strikes are huge deal breakers in my book. There are guys out there that won't do that and you're better off finding them. I'd look for a man with better manners and more respect.

Thanks July! I am now dealing with two guys with such issues; one wants me to drive to his town to meet him instead of coming to me, and the other guy has the wandering eye. Wow, I surely know how to pick 'em. It's just so hard because I feel that everyone has some baggage and everyone has their idiosyncrasies, so where do you draw the line...will all of these silly things cause me to be single forever?

You will not be single forever. You have to decide how much you’re willing to put up with. We all need to compromise. Relationships are inconvenient and we find ourselves doing things we normally wouldn’t but we do for those we care about. Because in the end, being in love is so worth it. So if these guys are worth it to you, make the time. Otherwise, screw them and find someone better.

Thanks so much July! You are so so right, it is so important to really let certain things go without compromising your values. And, I am realizing that being single for so long, I've gotten somewhat set in my ways and need to really start to be more open and welcoming of change and new adventures. I know that the new man who comes into my life will have characteristics and habits that I will have to adapt to, but the right man will be so well worth it.

Thanks for being so supportive!