I used to think that dating was quite black and white, but now I realize there's quite a bit of gray area. It used to be so straight-forward and simple but somehow got complicated along the way.
Maybe I need perspective and I would love your advice. Here are the main points;
- met a guy over a year ago through friends, guy asks me out, we have an amazing date. he texts a few times and then it all phases out.
- run into him at a party several mos later, where he has a date with him. it was awkward but fine.
- approx 6 mos later he calls and asks me out, and then later spend a weekend away. well, I also told him that I had no expectations post-weekend of anything more (my friend told me that was bad).
- he texts 5 days later and continues texting a few times per week. he sent one long heartfelt text that I ignored because I had enough of the texting.
- he's texted several times since and called me today. I have yet to call him back.
Is he keeping me on the hook? What is going on? I am not a game player and nor do I want to play games. I'd love your thoughts on this. Thank you so much!
I'd love it if some men would answer these questions!
I can come up with a million different reasons but I'm sure they're all wrong. I give people the benefit of the doubt when most of the time I shouldn't. Why people do what they do is a mystery to me. I don't string people along, and I certainly don't appreciate it when it's happening to me.
You're so right July! It would be so great to get a man's opinion on this, because the men in my life are way too protective of me and don't put up with nonsense from these guys who do this. They tell me that men are not complicated, that if they are into you then you will know it. They will make plans to see you. But then again I try to keep in mind how protective they are. My girlfriends all argue that and don't think that men are that straight-forward....yet again we come from different planets, hence "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". There's something to that.
I'm right there with you; I don't play games...though, I do put up walls sometimes as a protective measure, but I think that's different. And, I would hope that a guy wouldn't do that to me either...not at this stage.
Your posts reminds of my youngest daughter's boyfriend. He will call and come around for a day or so then seem to go MIA. Sometimes they'll make plans to go out and then all of a sudden he can't make it. She'll call him. He won't return her call for days sometimes. Now darn thing is that when he is here and if his phone rings, he answers it immediately! My daughter gets so frustrated at times and she cries. This is their 2nd time of going together. They went together earlier last year and she broke up with him for the same reasons. He talked to me the other night telling me how much he loves my daughter and asking what he can do so she feels secure. Well, I don't like to butt into my kids relationships but he asked. :-) And I told him. I also told him how my husband was with me when we were going together. My husband came to see me everyday - no ifs, ands or buts about it. I didn't ask him to. He just did. It's been a little better this week between them. So we will see.
Thanks so much for sharing your daughter's story Bluidkiti, I really appreciate it. I guess that men can come around, but I totally and completely understand how it will take time for your daughter to trust her boyfriend and his feelings. I love how your husband was straight and to the point, no gray area there whatsoever...love story of guy meets girl, guy falls in love with girl, guy pursues girl, guy gets the girl. Isn't that how it should be?!?!?! That's how it was for me through my last relationship. Everything thereafter has been turmoil and somewhat of a joke.
Well, yesterday evening she was in tears again. Her boyfriend brought her home from her having stayed overnight at a friend of theirs. While here, he asked if I could give him some gas money, so I gave him $5. Now he was here and could have spent some time with her which is what she wants - some alone time just them 2 but it always seems he has to be with his friends or have his friends with him when they visit together. But he left pretty soon after he came. Later she was going to go back to the friend’s house to stay the night but that fell through. It wound up that her boyfriend, the friend she stayed the night with who is a girl, another girl and guy were going to a party and they couldn’t come to pick up my daughter because her boyfriend didn’t have enough gas money to do so. Now it is gas money that he is using as an excuse as to why he can’t come see her. She tried to explain to him about that he was already here earlier in the day and that they could have spent time together but no, he had to go. Go do what? Go spend time with his friends instead of her. So last night when he called the last time, she told him that it was not about him and her anymore, it was about him and his friends. She told him he seem to prefer spending time with his friends instead of her. She told me that when he calls this next week for me to tell him she is not available. She said she plans to hang out with some of her friends next week. She had not been hanging out with her friends as much recently because he complained about her doing so, so she quit hanging out with her friends and then he started up hanging out with his friends all of the time leaving no time for them to do anything alone. She said she is going to give him the silent treatment for about a week and see how it goes. He has been doing this with her at times - the silent treatment. I don’t know what will happen. She is very hurt by his actions.
Sounds like he's keeping you on the hook as you put it.
Keeping one in reserve just in case.
Seems that you're not his first choice but he doesn't want to be without either. His present increase in trying to contact you probably means that he doesn't have another girlfriend at the moment so he's trying to catch you. But from the way you described his previous behavior. It also sounds like if he meets someone he finds more appealing he'll go for it and you'll either get dumped, or if you allow him to do it, put back on reserve.
He's stringing you along. He's not really interested in you compared to the other women he is talking too. However, he doesn't want to blow you off. He is looking at you as a backup plan for when he needs to be with someone.
If a guy really wants to be with you he will make every effort to show you that. Things will not fizzle or fade out when he truly wants only you.
Blow the guy off. He's wasting your time. He's also the type of guy that will cheat on you any time he gets an offer that he thinks is better than you.
Pssssttt .... I'm a guy. I hear about this stuff from some of those guys I know that play this sort of game with women.
Bluidkiti, thanks so much for updating me on your daughter's relationship. I'm really so sorry to hear what she's going through and she deserves so much better than that. She is so amazing for being so strong and not giving him the time of day, as that's exactly what he deserves. Surrounding herself with friends is the way to go at this time. And, having you there is such a blessing, as she has all of the support [and beyond] that she needs to get through this time. I know that there will be a man who appreciates her for the wonderful person that she is.
LuvsHeadMeds, thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate it. I'm definitely not trying to be a silly girl who really believes that he is into me and actually has genuine feelings for me. Onward and upward for me and definitely moving on and away from this guy. No time for silliness.