Trying to understand what I am feeling

Trying to get through the rest of the year. My brother passed away shortly. Thereafter my mother passed away I went and took care of her for 6 months and was there when she passed then had to take care of everything after. It was so hard all of my siblings were horrible. My husband wasn’t very kind to me before I left either he and I parted on not good terms. Which really hurt me When I was told my brother was dying in the hospital. I really didn’t get any empathy or understanding from my husband I had just gotten surgery before I had to go so I was down but but he did not help much with the house so that made me have to do everything and I forgot to get my car inspected That month and he was not understanding that I had completely forgotten with everything I had going on and he was very disrespectful before I left. Even though he knew I Was going up there to take care of my mother. He still was very inconsiderate And rude to me before I left… It really weighed heavy on my mind while I was gone and while I was taking care of my mom. He literally had no compassion for what I was going through. So my heart is kind of broken still. That being said, our relationship has never been great. He has talked to other women a lot. And he continuously calls me a narcissist, which literally hurts my feelings. But he does not like the person I am and wants me to change. Those things and I have tried before but it just doesn’t work… I honestly don’t know what else to do.

1 Heart

First, I am so sorry for your loss, 2 great losses like this are inconceivable and it breaks my heart for you. I lost 3 family members years ago within a 1.5 year span and it broke me. Your husband sounds horrible and personally not someone who wants to fix things, so I have to ask, do you want to fix things or do you want a divorce?

1 Heart

So sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to care for a sick and dying person. Its exhausting. Your husband does not like you and has zero respect. When I found out my husband was a serial cheater I decided I would not do a damn thing for him. No cooking, no laundry, no conversation and the list goes on. I can’t help but ask, are you intimate with your husband. If so, that should stop also. His rudeness to you needs to be ignored and when he starts, do not engage or even make any type of response. Let him feel that you don’t need that type of attention. I feel sorry for you and I hope you can come to some decision about what your future should look like. Pleas don’t continue being a doormat.

3 Hearts

I don’t think things are fixable. I would like to get a divorce he shows no effort in truly appreciating me and quite frankly im tired of being hurt.

That is a healthy answer, hard, but healthy.

Based on what you described and from an analytical approach, it almost seems like perhaps he grew too far apart from you, or unfortunately, it seems like maybe he came to the realization that he is no longer in love with you. I was like that towards my wife, except when her mother passed away and I saw her crying, I did try to comfort her and help her be able to go back to her own country for the funeral. Despite my wife and I arguing like siblings a lot, I really don’t like seeing her cry. I can’t remember if I called her a narcissist once or twice too, or that was the thought going through my mind, but she really does demonstrate narcissistic behavior, which is part of the reason why I have to take my son to therapy sessions. I tend to find my wife’s personality and temperamental behavior to be annoying and an emotional drain on me, but I’m also an introvert, so that kind of explains it, although I do go head to head with her if she pushes my buttons too much.

For me it’s different because my wife knows the truth that I don’t love her, and that we are only together for our son. I came clean in 2020 when I finally told her, after going many years with pretending and trying to convince myself that I can learn to love her. Just talking with other women doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating; it may just be platonic social interaction, or maybe he’s entertaining the thought of looking for someone else, but not fully acting on it.

It kind of sounds like you two no longer want to be together. I think it’s best to confront him with a heart to heart talk and ask him what he wants for your marriage. Explain to him how you feel and what’s going through your mind with the way you are being treated. Explain to him how a husband should treat his wife if he loves you and what you want in your marriage. Tell him that you are a human being with emotions and needs, and you deserve to be treated like a person who is supposed to be his soul mate and eternal life partner/companion and lover, but you feel like you are being treated like garbage. This is just my suggestion.

1 Heart

I think im leaning towards divorce but he’s trying to blame me for his behavior and actions. I feel horrible because he’s good at bringing up my faults.
I feel like ive failed.

He does call me a narcissist quite Often and I know my behavior has not been great. And he has a few things about me that he has stated that he wants me to changebut I have tried to change those things over the years and it’s truly Me like he honestly doesn’t like my personality so how do you fix that.
In the beginning, we had a few things in common over the years of us growing further apartheart. I got a dog to give me the emotional things that I needed.
I needed that.
Connection I guess you would say and I wasn’t getting it from him. And with him turning to women more frequently. It only pushed me further away now. Since I have brought up divorce now. He wants to fix things and I am not sure how to feel about that. Because I feel that if he truly wanted to fix things he would have wanted to fix it a long time ago. Not when I decide to walk out the door I feel like the only reason why he is wanting to address it now is because he realizes that I am willing to go. When my mom was really sick and I was up there taking care of her for 8 months I got no emotional support from him. My family was coming at me from all sides. And I got no support from him or empathy. I felt so alone. And there was so much that I needed to do especially after my mom passed and I. Felt like there was no support, no nothing from him. All he really wanted from me was sexual stuff.
I didn’t feel like he cared what I was going through and and when I was at my mother’s 3 different women looked me up and addressed to me that he had been trying to talk to them through social media. And that devastated me and i’m not sure I can bounce back from that at a time when I needed him most. I honestly feel like he does not really truly love me for me.

Sure, people fight in relationships, but if all he does is bring up everything from the past, that is just total Narc behavior, it is like they have a book of all your faults memorized just to torment you.