i'm so scared my eating habits are spiraling. at first i just started by not eating at school unless it was a meal i really liked (i never ate breakfast unless i was at school, but the cafeteria here is just so chaotic and it makes my anxiety terrible), now i don't eat lunch at all, and my dinner habits are getting worse. it's hard for me to eat a big meal, and after only a few bites i start gagging if food goes anywhere near my mouth. i no longer feel super full and the majority of the calories i consume are from soda/drinks. i can only eat certain foods now, and if the taste is just bland i lose my appetite.
i've been struggling with binge eating disorder for a while, but now i'm worried i'm flipping to the other side of the spectrum. i'm very focused on body image, very focused on weight. it almost never leaves my mind. i have no motivation to get up and work out by myself... but i don't need energy to not eat. it's become so easy to just not eat, but sometimes i make food and pretend to eat it just so no one gets concerned.
i'm not sure how to bring up eating habits to my dad, as he has a very conceded look on eating especially when it comes to the eating habits of his kids. i don't know how supportive or accepting he'd be, since i'm overweight (according to my doctor) and i obviously don't seem outwardly like i struggle with eating. last time i brought up an eating disorder to my doctor (BED) she told me to "restrict my calories". obviously, that didn't go well for her.
i'm scared. i've read and seen so many things and i don't want to end up like that, but i don't know who to go to for help. it feels like no one understands what i need, at least no one who can help me.

From what you have said, your dad may have started you on your journey of an unhealthy relationship with food. He might not be very supportive with your current problem. But you could get alot of help from a therapist who specializes with eating disorders.

When I stopped eating for awhile, I went to a regular doctor's appointment. I was considered overweight. When the nurse noticed I had lost 12 pounds she said, "Whatever you are doing keep it up."
And I did.
She was not trained to spot eating disorders. Neither was my doctor.

Do you think your dad would be okay with you seeing a therapist?

1 Heart

@Inmylittleroom I’ve been trying to get into therapy but as of right now I don’t have therapy. It’s hard when there’s covid and no one is accepting new patients or responding to emails

You may want to try protein shakes. They are easier to get down than solids. I have them everyday.
Stay away from laxatives unless you are truly constipated. Laxatives with a eating disorder can be habitual.
Like Rdan's plan of increasing appetite by smelling up the house with food.
Bananas and other fruit via smoothies can help on days you just don't feel like eating.

1 Heart

@Inmylittleroom i don’t want to use laxatives, i already have stomach issues (lactose intolerant) so it doesn’t sound very appealing. sadly, we also don’t have a blender, but we’re getting one soon!
sometimes the smell of food makes me nauseous, sometimes it makes me hungry. but because i’ve become so picky with food it’s really hard to know what will get me hungry or what will get me feeling nauseous.

i will keep everyone updated on how things progress.

1 Heart

Please do. Thank You.