Two of me in a war fair of distortion

Two people with the same face and different name. with other personalities inviteing themselves in ...i tried hard to over come. Ten years of lies but delivered everyday....i have to over come anger ,hurt, depression,rejection,and not falling back into fromwhich i came.
I am scared of liveing ,but i am scared of dying.
I have to push myself out the door to meet people knowing of my sever panice attacks (not the kind of breathing hard and heart beating fast))...chokeing,paralysys in my face or arms or legs(though this one is getting much better), ringing of the ears,not being able to see(blindness).
these...are some of my panic attacks.
On my good days i go out ..bad days i stay in...and no...i will not work as of yet.
if i drive it is on my good day...short distances.
I am patient in learning ...and from where i used to be ...i am 85% better.
I keep pressing on with hope..reading the word of God ...learning to trust.
Happier...but today...anger has struck..saddness and i don't understand why. It won't move ...i don't mean to be angry but i am also have to learn these emotions ...anger is a difficult one...it was oppressed for a long time...and now it is here...just not sure.
well...any advice ?
i think it wants to go overboard.

Do you have counseling regularly? I know it's EXTREMELY hard to control so many emotions- but the anger one struck my attention, because no one wants you or anyone to get hurt- and how you said "overboard". I know this is only part of everything, just wondering the steps you've taken to get better- since you said you are 85% better in learning. Advice- talk to someone ASAP about the anger/overboard thing. If you can't get in to talk to someone, even a phone number to call. You'll get it figured out, you have the strength to. i believe it.