Uncontrolled anger boiling over

I am newly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. I have thought my whole life that everyone else is at fault for everything and none of it could possibly be me. Now that I am learning about these disorders I am becoming more and more lost. I am an angry person, point blank. I know this, I fly off the deep end and don't realize how bad it is and then don't remember what happened or what I did like anyone else around remembers it. Getting me to a point where I am able to realize this is next to impossible as well. It is so confusing. Everyone thinks I am on drugs, but I am not. It is frustrating, makes me wanna pee in a cup and throw it at them to tell you the truth. My inner circle says I have to figure out how to control my rages and mood swings asap. How am I suppose to control something that I have absolutely no control over or understanding of? It feels like everyone is against me. I am gonna lose everything and everyone bc of how I am. Is there anyone out there that has any insight into anything that can help me think clearly and control me? I constantly have all these thoughts running through me head that sit me off to one extreme or another and it is numbing. I can't start therapy with my specialist for another month. I am afraid that another month and I wont have anything. My estranged husband wants me on meds, now... I don't even know if there are any meds out there I can suggest that'll help with this. It seems there is no light at the end of any tunnel. I just need help, please.

i'm so sorry you are struggling right now....please know that there are resources out there for you, including this website :)....i recently began medicating with medical marijuana and it has done wonders for my anxiety and fibromyalgia pain. i don't know how you feel about that but if you haven't tried it....give it a shot....
feel free to contact me :) hang-in-there

Thank you slb. I wish I could try that, it'd probably help a lot... my state doesn't allow it :( Right now I am ok, in 10 mins idk... It sucks. I don't wanna end up medicated, but I have a feeling it'll be the only way.

I have BPD and Fibromayalgia, I wonder if more BPD patients have this physical illness too, I am just trying out cymbalta because i tried being off medication for a year and i realized it was self destructive, because my impulses were ruining my marriage and scaring my daughter. I think medication is a good choice, just dont take too many and too much.

I am Bipolar ll, have PTSD, GAD, ADHD, and Fibromyalgia....I take Cymbalta, and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't help me at all. I also take Savella, which helped at first, but now it doesn't.

I wish my state was medical marijuana approved, because that DOES help me....even if it is illegal....I don't even care anymore...I do what helps me....I am NOT recommending this to others, just so you know. I would NEVER recommend something illegal to others, but I take my chances in order to keep sane in the brain.....and also to help me relax physcially, since my muscles are always so tense.....chronic muscle spasms. My therapist knows about this and I am just waiting for the day she turns me in.....

The thing about these disorders and being on meds is that for some people the meds eventually stop working and then you have to wean off and start new meds....That's what I call the Med-Go-Round....An endless cycle of drugs...One after the other....for life! God only knows what it is doing to my liver and kidneys....

I wish you the very best....I feel your pain and frustration, I honestly do....If you ever need a friend to talk to, I am here for you!

Love & Light always,
YaYa

Dear Hellinmyhead, I am truly so sorry for how you are feeling and what has been happening. I only know what i've read here about the conditions you have, but I think you really should give meds a chance. What you have is an honest to God medical condition and it's not your fault!! Please be good to yourself. You are loved here and understood and you for sure are NOT alone here!! PLease keep posting and for sure let us all know how you are doing OK?

YaYa, I am absolutely certain your therapist won't "turn you in". I'm glad you found something that works for you!! I appreciate your honesty and determination!!

Lots of hugs, Suzee

OK, so you see now you have friends, um, we are like your therapists. screw them you can't start for a month, start with us right now! We are here, as you can see, at least five friends not against you, but here for you 100%.

Now look, i got some stuff today, of course I had a Sy day, ur, read other posts when u have the strength, right now i want to tell u about wonder drugs... Inositol, and also Choline

these can be obtained over the counter, but higher strengths require prescriptions.

U want me to tell u about them, or r u cool looking them up?

ain't no way no how anyone on here gonna turn on you, so spill the beans, we will help you sort it all out.

Come on now and hang in there with us, maybe your the plucky comic relief, ever think about that?

peace hope hugs, whatever else you need, john

Hey I just wanted to send you some support and let you know some things that have really helped me with BPD. 1. Everyday have 1 good thing to focus on, it doesn't matter at all what it is as long as it does make you happy, and every time you feel even a little "off"- sad, crazy, depressed just hold onto that thought and remember why it is a happy thought and how it makes you feel. Sometimes I feel like letting go of my bad feelings is cheating myself out of validating them but really is the opposite. Also, the best meds I ever took for BPD was an antidepressant and Abilify. When I was able to afford it I was so happy and level. It was great. I still got upset at things but they were more "normal" and didn't affect me nearly as bad as when I am not medicated.

Hey honey,
It is okay to be angry, in fact suppressing your anger to please others makes you feel worse. You are angry, I hear you, I know what it is like, I know how it is when you feel that you have fallen so far and are at a loss of everything. That you become so angry at the world and even rage at the ones you love.

Acknowledge that anger, it is there, allow your self to be angry, get a pillow and beat the **** out of it <----(actually helps... a lot) maybe even pee in a cup and throw it on the pillow :)

But to get rid of the anger, once you have allowed yourself to be angry, you must take accountability for all the people you blame. Nothing is wrong with you, you came into this world pure. Start journaling and find at what you are angry about.
-Journal about what you are angry at, then ask "what is it about this that makes me angry?" then "When is the earliest I remember feeling like this? who hurt me and why did i decide to hold onto this?"

We call it the work and it can be really easy or really hard, it depends on how you want it to be. Forgive yourself honey, you deserve love, you deserve peace, you are worthy of compassion and kindness.

I know how it is... when you are angry and people just diagnose you and make you feel that you have a disease. Girl you had a trauma and your angry, thats okay! Love yourself, accept yourself, and find the root of what it is from your past that you haven't forgiven. And pray for yourself.

With Love,
Toharel

Also honey,
Medicating numbs the pain, it doesn't make it go away... it can help temporarily, but in true healing there is forgiveness, and in true forgiveness there is gratitude. God bless you.