Understanding and Managing Anger

We're going to talk today about a feeling we all experience from time to time – anger.

Before we go further, it's important to understand that anger is a perfectly natural human emotion. Yes, you read that right - it's absolutely okay to be angry sometimes! From feeling slight irritation because of canceled plans, to intense fury when something truly unjust happens, anger can manifest in different forms and intensities. The crucial part is learning to handle and express it healthily and constructively, which is what we'll focus on in this blog.

1. Acknowledge your anger
The first step towards managing anger is to acknowledge it. We're often taught to suppress our anger, as it's seen as a 'negative'. But anger, like any emotion, is not inherently negative. It's an indicator, a sign that something is wrong, that our boundaries have been overstepped, or that an expectation we had has not been met. Recognizing your anger and allowing yourself to feel it is an important step towards managing it effectively.

2. Identify the Source
The next step in anger management is identifying what specifically is causing the emotion. Is it a person, a situation, or a particular memory? Sometimes, anger can be a secondary emotion, masking other feelings such as hurt, fear, or disappointment. Identifying the source of your anger can give you clarity and help you address it more efficiently.

3. Practice Mindfulness and Deep Breathing
Mindfulness, the practice of being present and aware of one's thoughts and feelings, is a wonderful tool for managing anger. Deep breathing exercises can help to calm the mind and body, reducing the intensity of your anger. Next time you find yourself ready to boil over, try taking a moment to focus on your breath, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly, in for the count of 1, 2, 3, 4 and out for the same count, see if it helps diffuse your anger.

4. Use "I" Statements
Using "I" statements can help express your feelings without blaming or criticizing the other person. For example, instead of saying, "You make me so angry when you don't listen to me," you might say, "I feel upset when I don't feel heard." This not only avoids escalating the situation, but it also encourages the other person to listen without judgment and understand how you are feeling.

5. Seek Professional Help If Needed
If you find your anger is frequently out of control, affecting your relationships and quality of life, it may be time to seek assistance from a mental health professional. Therapists and counselors can provide tools and strategies to help manage anger effectively. Remember, there's absolutely no shame in seeking help!

6. Adopt a Healthy Lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle can significantly help you manage your anger. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and avoiding excessive and or any alcohol can contribute to overall better mental health. Activities like yoga, meditation, or any sport can also serve as great outlets for releasing built-up tension and anger.

7. Practice Forgiveness
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, practice forgiveness. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. By forgiving, you're not saying that what happened was okay, but you're choosing to let go of the anger that's harming you more than the person who caused it.

Remember, managing anger is not about never getting angry. It's about understanding why you're angry and finding healthy ways to express it. As with any new skill, it will take time and practice. So be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time.

Food for thought:
What triggers your anger?
Have you gotten professional help in the past for anger issues?
What is something that has helped you manage your anger?

Please let us know in the comments below.

Wishing you all the best,
Team SG

*Through our partnership with BetterHelp, you get 10% off your first month! www.betterhelp.com/themisunderstood


I feel like this is an important read when you are raising teenagers.