I am having a VERY difficult time understanding PTSD and the effects it has on a person. When my husband was deployed and came back a different man, I tried to be empathetic. However, it has been almost 6 years since he has returned and things just seem to be getting worse. I think that if I understood PTSD, perhaps I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed and discouraged. Does anyone have any information on PTSD, advise on how I can cope, or a similar situation to share? I feel so alone. I have no one who truely understands to discuss this with.
loreelyn
ptsd is very difficult to pin down as it means something different to each person who has it, in a unit deployed not all of them suffer or react to the same thing so that makes it even worse, it could even be a situation they have been in several times before and suddently this time affects them,
my own family did the faulklands war, my other half so dense in the ideas situation wasnt affected hes a bit well if i die i die type of man, it could be there or under a bus if your number is up its up so he suffered no visible hardships but he has a limited imagination so im sure that helps, my sister inlaw left the navy shortly afterwards and refuses to talk about those days and her husband had a nervous break down but he had the most imagination of the three so who knows what the triggers are
do u not have a support group u can go to to speak about how u are feeling/coping with this problem
and are u still a serving family? we are no longer in the military although our son has joined the army yet again one with little imagination, he has his dads outlook onlife and u gotta love that attitude at times it stops u worrying because they genueinly cant see where u are coming from so half the conversations die before they get started
im sorry for all you are going thru
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
My husband has been diagnosed with ptsd, he refuses to take anti-depressants. But he is so up and down, He will be fine and then when he has a small problem a switch flips and life is horrile and he doesn't want to be married and I am such a villian and he insults me. He can't see anything wrong with how he acts even though he has been diagnosed with ptsd.
mndelorey
im so sorry hon that u are going through this but its not your fault its a side effect of the issues he has
sometimes its tiring having to parent our partners and we walk on egg shells as we dont know what the next volcanic erruption will be about and like u say its often nothing to get het up about
have u thought about gettin some help for yourself so that u can cope with his outbursts? often there are groups u can go to so u dont feel so alone and have a group of people that know what u are coping with on a day to day basis
when they are off the medication they fail to see that anything is wrong hence the not taking the medication do u have a good group of friends/family who u can let u vent and find a solution to this time
take care of u and remember its not u personally he is reacting to its just u are the nearest object caught in the cross fire of his reeling emotions
be kind to yourself and do something u want to do today no matter what
love D
Hi my husband has ptsd from being in the army. He got honorably discharged bc of ptsd. I can tell you a lot about it. I also have ptsd but that's from being abused in my past by an ex. But anyway they can have bad nightmares talk or act out in sleep even wit their eyes open . They can answers u too while they are in this deep sleep but they might think your someone else. They do act out when yelled at . Stay calm talk calm to him. Try hugs if that don't work then back away for a little go watch a movie or go for a walk then come back . He might b calm. My ptsd is controlled for the most part without meds. I know what sets them off and I tell people and talk to them so they understand. If you know what sets him off have him aviod it or learn to control it.. He needs to try to find out what bothers him . Tell him to keep a journal find calm ways to deal with things. Make goals and give him compliments when he does good. Do something good for yourself too. Its going to be hard with no meds but if he wants to get better hell have to really concentrate. Ptsd can sometimes go away and sometimes ot will never go away depends... But he can learn to control it. Remember what he says that's mean aint true . He loves u. Its his ptsd talking not him. If he's real bad get him help. If u have any other questions or need someone to talk to just write back. Hugs
Hello there.My name is keepthefaith because thats what I am trying so hard to do.My boyfriend suffers from combat PTSD and I too feel so alone most of the time.I have been trying to educate myself and understand PTSD however sometimes I just don't know what to do.Someone on a site told me if I wasn't married run because it isn't ever going to get better and save myself from a life of loneliness and grief.I felt so bad for her because I thought she just gave up and wasn't strong enough,or didn't really love her husband.That was at the beginning of my relationship.The thing that I have learned so far is everyone has their limit.who am I to assume anything.I know I have never loved anyone the way I love him.I know he is a wonderful loving person with good values and morals and has everything I could ever ask for in a man.Sometimes I just really dont know what to do or how to handle things.He rages and gets so mad at little things.He screems and throws things and lashes out at me.It hasn't gotten physical but very close.I try to understand however sometimes I get so frusterated.Most of the time I feel like I am doing everything and it's never enough.I feel like sometimes he could careless if I was around or did half the stuff I do.When we first started out we started out as friends he told me he had PTSD I told him I was getting ready for major surgery ovarian cancer was threatening to take my life..He didn't turn his back on me he supported me through everything.I fell in love with who he is not what he has.I try to remember that when he pushes away from intamacy and goes into his own quiet space sometimes for hours sometimes for days..I am very active I like to hike and be on the go most of the time,He likes to stay home and watch tv and sleep a lot..If Im home I sometimes feel like Im walking on eggshells cuz if I startle him with a question he gets totally pissed.If I talk back when he is a little mad thats when he rages.We have been working on communication but it's so hard because Im so used to keeping quiet as to not set him off.I sometimes feel like raging myself.I can't talk to anyone about this because it sounds like an abusive relationship. my friends and my family would not understand and tell me to leave him.I have actually distanced myself from everyone.It's not abuse it's PTSD.I can't believe I just wrote all this.Im sorry this was so long I have never really opened up to anyone before and It just came out so easy.I guess I just wanted to let you know your not alone:-) All we can do is keepthefaith right.
Take a look at “secondary PTSD”, I bet if you look at the symptoms, you will be amazed, while you think he was being sweet and “standing by you side”, you may find out he was seeking you out because you were an easy target, more “in trouble” than he and that could be to his advantage. Even as it comes out of my mouth, it sounds insane, but I’ve lived it. He took care of me after my knee surgery, rotated my knee cap for me because it grossed me out re wrapped the bandages and was very loving and attentive, secondary PTSD symptoms suggest we take on this role because we feel obligated to them somehow, before we know it, we’re doing things differently and being affected indirectly by their illness, its like being in a relationship with an alcoholic or an addict, just different, but still not healthy as we take on the role of “AL ANON”. They usually pick a “caretaker” just like any other abuser, and no matter what label you slap on it, it’s still abuse. I’m not saying to leave anybody, just know your relationship may never be as fulfilling as you once thought, seek help and education for yourself, put as many tools in your tool belt as you can find, love him for who he is but make sure you get a clear grasp on who he isn’t!
Keep faith . Do u know that most soldiers wit ptsd end up alone . Try getting him therapy . If not try having him talk to others that have been to war. Its going to b hard but they didn't ask for this ptsd. They saved us by fighting for freedom . Let's try to save them. If it gets too bad n it invloves hurting u like him trying to hit u badly n can't stop I'm sorry to say either one 302 him or leave. It hurts but u don't eant to lose your life get him help. Hugs
I realize most end up alone but not this one.I will stand by his side I know we can get through this.Things have actually gotten a little better than they were at the beginning.He is actually making an appt at the VA on Monday he realizes he needs to speak with someone and so do I. I just wish more people had a clue what these men and women are dealing with after the wars they so bravely fought for us.I feel guilty I was so ignorant for so long.Now I have a son in law getting ready for his second deployment with the USMC and my daughter is going to be giving birth to their son the same month.My BF did two tours with the USMC and has been out for 5 years.I am trying to stay strong some days are much harder than others.I know this isn't his fault and I dont worry for my safety.I can tell when I need to leave for a bit to let him cool off.It doesn't get that heated very often.I will say If he didn't have PTSD I would have been long gone a while ago.He deserves a chance at a happy healthy life this was not something he asked for or something he could avoid.I am so grateful I found this site because I dont know anyone that is going through this and I don't feel as alone anymore.thanks for your sweet words of concern and support it means more to me than you know:-)
Your welcome. Contact me anytime on here hugs...
I've Combat PTSD since 2005. My wife still doesn't understand me or it. I'm being treated for it, which is the most important thing about it. The one time I made my wife somewhat understand it was when she was moving clothing in our spare closest. She smelled her grandmother's, who past away 12 years ago, dress. She broke out in tears. Just from the old smell of her grandmother. PTSD is in the most primal part of the brain. Like a small lizard just living on instinct and fight or flight. That's a very primal brain. We still have that part of our brain, and then some. PTSD is in tune with the senses. Smells, Noises, Sights, and just general feelings. That's what brings the hyper vigilance. How many small animals have you seen that are not hyper vigilant. I'm sure they all live with PTSD. The Soldier that's put in combat situations has to be hyper vigilant. As those combat situations accrue it imprints on the primal part and higher human brain. As with my wife, that wasn't PTSD just sorrow/shock, it will never go away. In ten years if she were to smell the same dress she would break out in tears. For someone that's been in combat it is an experience that'll never be forgotten, and the only ones who can relate wear a uniform. Keep Trying and Stay Strong
Never say others can relate you'll b surprised . I have ptsd and was beatn badly and saw things I hated. U see my husband ptsd was from war mine was from finding out my ex was in a gang . I tried to get away but by the time I figure things out I knew too much and when I try to leave well ,I was beatn kicked in the stomach bc I was pregnant wit his kid and he didn't want me to have it since he couldn't. Finally I had a free time that my ex wasn't around I called my parents. They got me outta there . I was takin to the hospital I had a mild concussion, I lost the baby. I wouldn't talk for weeks I cried jumped at any sound . I watched everything . I understand ptsd. N I hate how others that been at war say people don't understand bc we weren't there... Just stop n think. There r women out there who r beatn badly n have to fight for there lives. And yes I did things to protect myself just as a soldier would of done. He hit me soo I fought back I had a baby to protect which I lost. u might of shot someone but how does it feel when u know u lost a baby inside u. Especially when u can't feel that heart beat beating anymore. I live with that. I lost hafe of my eyesight have ptsd anxiety ocd panic attacks. My husband loves me and he's happy he found me bc I understand and I help others. Please let's not say what u don't know about others. We can understand. Some people might not but some do. It can b any situation. Let's b nice . Everyone is equal. Many people baxck away from loved ones bc they give up bc they r told they'll never understand. Well I explain it tell about it. It helps u and them . I'm a loving person who cares about all . Evryone is equal. No one is perfect everyone has there own feelings and opinion. Relax and tell her have her research it .
I apologize your feeble mind can't understand the complexities of PTSD in it's actual medical,physical, and mental portions, and the way they all work together. Perhaps after a few grammar lessons and a miracle you may.
I couldn't tell you how it feels to lose a baby inside you. I can tell you what it's like to have been working on your best friend and brother, after a land mine blows up at his feet. When a piece of shrapnel goes through his face and into his brain. Searching for an airway while there is no more face, only bubbles where his throat should've been. With it being in the middle of the night, it was very difficult to find the trachea in order to intubate. My brother, who saved my life several times already, died in mine. I couldn't wear that uniform again.
I know the panic attacks and the flashbacks. As well as all the other symptoms of PTSD.
I see that you're "a loving person who cares about all". The same that started your statement with "Never say others can't relate you'll be surprised". That feels very loving to me. The only thing that most people with PTSD have in common are the symptoms. There is no way I can understand or relate to what you went threw. As there is no way for you to even wrap your head around what I went threw. Amazingly we share the same symptoms. That's a medical issue. The way the human brain is wired. And, you know some people are just tougher, and can bare burdens differently. Once you accept that healing begins, but it is permanent.
I'm good with my grammar . I just like typing short cuts. I've seen many die. My gram from stage 4 cancer . She starved , I know those horrible death stare . I saw my friends got shot or stabbed bc of a stupid gang hate. I hate gangs and all the meaness in the world. People don't see what good lifes they may have. Or good health. Many take life for granted. I have saved lives too. I'm a caretaker . I could go on. But I've been thru more than anyone in a lifetime. But I still keep on going helping others doing good. U can't make the past go away but u can make the future brighter. Never give up and never say never. There r miracles out there. My husband is one. He was pronounced dead but one medic wanted to try again to revive him and he took that chance and here he is alive n well .. When married me he said I'm his angel . I've made him happy healthy and he now handles his ptsd well bc I helped. Live life with love not hate . Forgive. Live life as good as you can. B nice don't let evil and hate control you. My saying love laughter life...
The fact is a person can get ptsd from all sorts of different situations its like any other illness and the symptoms may be the same but each persons experiance is different. Its like the saying walk a mile in someone elses shoes no one can actually understand completely what another person goes through unless theyve been there themselves each person is different each reason for having ptsd is different. To say you understand because of the loss of a baby would be like someone with D.I.D. telling someone else with D.I.D that they completely understand their experiance because they have the same illness when the fact is the people personalities and the reason for getting D.I.D. is completely different. yes u understand better than someone without ptsd what these men and women go through but no one but them can fully understand it. and anyway when did this become a discussion on wether or not she can understand ptsd the original question asked how she can help deal with her husband haveing it not whether or not ptsd from abuse is the same as ptsd from war. to answer the original question my best friend has ptsd and his wife cant seem to be able to help him with it honestly half the time she makes his outbursts worse but i dont think shes really tried to understand it. he came home for a week or so a while back and we spent a lot of time together we're best friends so we were pretty much inseperable for that time even with his wife there i generally was the one calming him down. when he had an outburst it was like he checked out like he was here enough to yell but part of him was someplace else. one thing that always seemed to help was to get him to look at me i remember one episode that got real bad with him and his brother id never seen my friend so angry in the 6 years we've been best friends i walked over to him mind you everyone thought i was crazy cuz he looked like he was about to start swinging i stood in front of him and calmly and lovingly said honey look at me corse he had some jerkish remark about his brother so i said again honey i need you to look at me for a second just look at me corse he did granted he looked at me like i done lost my mind cuz i jumped in his fight so he could look at me i know it sounds crazy lol anyway i poured every ounce of love ive ever felt for this guy into that look once i had his attention and then calmly said i know you are angry and you want to solve this but right now we should go for a walk again he looked at me like i was crazy and everyone else in the house had come to the room and was looking at me like i was crazy too maybe i was iprobably looked and sounded like it but i took his hand and walked outside with him following removeing him from the situation was the only way hed really calm down i knew that so i had to get him to focus on me and how much he cares about me in order to get him to walk away. best advice i can give you always deal with ptsd with love and kindness and when you cant and you feel like explodeing then remove yourself from the situation untill you can ive never been the reason for a ptsd outburst but ive helped talk him down quite a few times and the fact is the only way to do that is out of love not anger
I feel that we are causalities of this war and with little support. My husband came back and has done everything possible to me: Affair, mental and physical abuse, lying and not being accountable for his actions but yet I understand that he has PTSD. I look at it as if he had cancer would I leave him? No. He didn't ask to come back from this war and have this condition. But I didn't sign up for this either. I have tried to leave twice and wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. I don't know what I have offer anyone that is going through the pain of living with someone that is suffering from PTSD and they don't want to get help. I have gone to the military to be told that they can offer me counseling but don't want to talk to my husband because it will make it worse. How much worse can it get than me having to move my child out of the home because of the threats to kill me and the physical attacks that have put me in the hospital.
Out of his unit 5 have gotten divorced because of it and 25 have gotten diagnosed with it but yet the military is still on the soldiers side even though we as wives and girlfriends are dying at the hands of these soldiers. Do not get me wrong. I love my husband dearly and that is why I stay and he is getting better everyday since downloading the VA Smartphone application that is available to them. Now he is aware of what he has and he is responsible for making things go very bad or very good in a argument. He now has that power and that understanding of what is happening to him. Plus I have that understanding that no matter how thin or how much I do for him, that it isn't me. It is him.
I wish you to so much look with your struggles and am always here. I am a great listener. Plus look up what the VA has to offer. All you can do it know you can not change anyone and are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. Find some out in our life... Take care and take one day at a time.