Unfortunate but seemingly true

After some conversation and sobbing relentlessly this afternoon, I've come to some conclusions.
-It's highly doubtful that my boyfriend will ever forgive me
-He thinks my quitting drinking is a phase
-Both of us have been thinking about suicide a lot
-I've definitely ruined his life
-I have no future
-I'm close to losing the last person in my life that means more than anything to me
-Nothing can fix this

It's sometimes when are at our lowest that great things come for us. Take a breath.

You do have a future! You've made a commitment to yourself to get better and that is the most important thing.

Talk to your boyfriend and see what the best option for both of you is at present. Realise that quitting drinking is a life time commitment and will take time.

This can be fixed hun, you just need to take it easier on yourself. You are truly a good person, so recognise this and then listing slowly what you want to change and how you are going to achieve it. It will give you a better insight...instead of looking at everything as a "blurb" of disappointment.

You have a good head and heart...use them.

Take care of yourself..you are important
Moongal x

Honestly, I just don't want to be a binge drinker. There have been so many times that I'm perfectly fine and don't overdo it, but I've also relapsed a number of times in the 2 years that my boyfriend and I have been together, and I'm sick of it. So I thought quitting all together was a good idea. We'll see how it goes.
I certainly don't have the urge to drink at this point. Things will be different, that's for sure. Honestly, if there wasn't a huge chance that I'd lose my boyfriend, I probably would have continued drinking to some degree. Much less of course, but still drinking.
So for now, no drinking at all, and otherwise, I have no idea what to do with myself. I keep thinking back on things my boyfriend said and it's really hard to know what's going to happen. He said this would be something that would ruin us. And he might be right. Because no matter what I do, he may never forgive me. Even with no drinking, it doesn't change what happened or how his entire family will see me.
So things are pretty messed up right now. and 11 days til my birthday.

I also feel bad for thinking about myself so much. He's the one that's suffering and I can't help but focus on losing him and blaming myself for what happened. I'm pretty positive he does. He said he didn't... but he's also implied that if it weren't for me, this wouldn't have happened.

I just don't know anymore.

I know it's difficult not to be so inwardly focussed when you feel you've done something wrong but you have to let time fix this too.

Make up some plans for the day, get out visit friends or do some exercise, anything proactive. By showing people that your life is not just alcohol focussed and you are making those steps for change...it can really help.

Are you seeing a therapist too? It's important to talk to a professional at times like these. You will get there it just takes time.
I know you are worried about the situation with your boyfriend, all you can do is try do what you promised.

Best Wishes to you hun, thinking of you, keep me posted
MG x

hi baby boots

im sorry u are having a bad time at the moment. its always hard when we are trying to change and people think its a fad,
its got to be the most annoying thing ever, here u are bustin a gut and he thinks its just words.

so be proactive show that guy he is wrong, u can and are giving up the booze, u are someone to stand by her man,

meanwhile u need to give him space cos he has lost out too. and he isnt having a good time at the moment, so thoughts get scrambled up and churned untill he cant think straight

this is the time for calm CONVERSATION to discuss what u both feel and see the relationship going.
dont forget to tell him about your treatment sessions and invite him along or see if he needs help,

take one day at a time hon and dont forget we are all here for u

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

HI Baby boots,, FIRST THING LITTLE LADY THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A MOON AND SUN... Sounds like your hurting and you holding it against yourself.. It happend you cant change that but you can chance the way you feel about it .You have addmitted that you have a drink problem deel with this first then in time you can go chat to your boyfriend am sure if you have changed you can put it all behind you .. Dont hurt yourself the most important person in your life is you. Take care

C'mon babyboots listen to everyone here, we're all supporting you without judgement & you've been doing so well, TO DEEP, PULL UP, you'll just wear yourself out & then you won't be able to continue going as far as you've come, you can do it for yourself without getting, seeking constant approval from you boyfriend & others that pass down judgement due to past behavior. So keep showing all YOU CAN DO IT REGARDLESS!!!! Keep talking to us, we hear you

1 Heart

Hi babygirlboots, Most of us have felt like you are feeling now. We have done things for which we regretted. We can't turn back time but we can move forward and change and become better. If you have a problem with alcohol then I suggest going to AA http://www.aa.org/ . There you will find others who have been where you are at and will understand and support you through this and more. Go to AA, get phone numbers, get s sponsor and work the steps. You can do this. I know everything seems so very bad right now. But you can change for the better. Take care of first things first. As for your boyfriend, you can make amends then it is up to him. Make sure to keep your side of the street clean when making the amends and afterwards. Keep coming back and sharing with us. We are here for you. I am praying for you. ((((hugs))))