Unsure about what I should do

I went to my old treatment center today to say hello to everyone who works there. I mentioned to my old therapist that I was having kind of a rough time, and she suggested that I see about doing IOP or EIOP (intenstive outpatient or evening intensive outpatient). I talked to the director of the program about it, and he suggested I come back in to PHP for a week or two until I go back to school. That sounds like it could be a really great thing, but I'm really nervous and frightened, too. I don't know what I should do. I'm scared. I guess I'm going to talk it over with my mom, my therapist and my nutritionist, but I'm just altogether nervous. It's just that I feel like I've been locking into old thoughts and patterns more and more lately, and old behaviors are starting to slip in. But at the same time, I don't want to have to deal with going back into the hospital, and I'm tempted to see if I can fight this out on my own (well, with my therapist and nutritionist helping, of course). Thoughts?


If you have the opportunity to get some more intense help, I think you should take it. ♥ It sounds like the timing is right... And your team wouldn't suggest it if they didn't think you needed it. It takes some time for our new, healthy behaviors to be cemented... Although I am doing well, my therapist wants me to continue with weekly therapy for a while, just to make sure I will continue doing well. ♥ There's no equation in recovery... We all need what we need. The important thing is to remain alert and open to those needs. That's the only way you CAN be responsive in a timely manner. :)

Much love to you!


True…I agree that getting help quickly, when you first begin to struggle, is the best way to prevent a spiral downward…that could land you in the hospital or in treatment for a much longer time. Take this opportunity if you can…for YOU!! HUGS…Jan :heart:

It all comes down to that cliche feeling "what does your heart tell you"
I know when this summer was growing close I was suffering greatly with bulimia and self-harm, and my counselor had gotten all the paperwork set up for me to go into an outpatient program an hour or so from my home for 5 days a week. The program would involve me eating 2 meals a day there, with group sessions and one-on-one in between meals. We'd be released at night time and go back the next day. I really did not want to go back there, but at the time my mental stability was horrible so we put the plan into motion, just in case.
But with not wanting to go back there in my head, I tried my best to get rid of my habits. It was the one of the hardest things I've ever done but when time came around where I was called for a referral...in my heart I knew I could do it alone. I may not have been near my goal weight and I may still have been struggling, but not nearly as much.
So...do you feel strong enough to do it without that extra support? There's nothing wrong with needed it. Hey! It could even fast track you to get healthier faster! But there's also something to be said for gaining power back on your own. It's very liberating, and if you feel you have enough motivation for it, then go for it.
But if most days you find yourself feeling lost and hopeless...maybe a couple weeks with some extra help may be the way to go.

Hope that helps,
Paige xoxo

Update: I will indeed be entering PHP on Tuesday. I think it will be good for me. However, right now I don't know how I'm going to get through the weekend!

True...this is good news, but I understand your fears of the next few days. Please try to surround yourself with people who understand and who are positive supports for you. AND..keep writing...we are all here for you!!
HUGS...Jan ♥

Trueimage, keep strong. I truly wish you the best for the weekend. You will get through it... 1say at a time!!


Hi, all. Rough day today. I'm in a tricky spot--with knowing that I'll be in treatment soon, the ED is working really hard to convince me that I can have a ball restricting and overexercising as much as I want until then, since they're going to make me start "being good" as soon as I get there. I'm having a hard time fighting it. I've restricted more today than I have in a long time. Definitely not the worst it's ever been, by any means, but still... I've also been really depressed today, thinking about suicide and resorting to cutting. So, I'm nervous about Tuesday, and even more worried about getting through this weekend.

i so know the feeling---of ED getting pissed off when therapy or treatment arrives--he is like a murderer about to be taken to jail! and he is tryin to flee! ha, dont let him flee!

good luck!