The good news: I’m enrolling in school soon.
The bad news: I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. I don’t even know where to start.
I was hospitalized for having severe depression before. It was a traumatizing time. I was aggressively grabbed to the point were they were hurting me and that shouldn’t have happened. Also, being searched was traumatic for me. I felt violated and it wasn’t the first time I felt that way. It happened many times. People doing things to my body that I didn’t want them too (it first happened when I was 10). I need to realize that I have control over that even though it was taken away from me.
I wish someone helped me before things got that serious. I was being bullied (age 12) really bad in the years before that. Someone did see and I always wondered why nobody helped me (a teacher). Why was it EVER acceptable to put hands on me???
I’ve been having a feeling that more happened too like I was sexually abused. I had weird behavior in the past too but I don’t know if I want to know this or how to figure it out.
The other day when I was remembering everything maybe even having flashbacks I thought negative things about myself and felt angry. This all keeps coming up a lot. I do have PTSD by the way.