Update and Hello

I am sorry I have not been online much in last few weeks

I am back online today.

Going to movie w/ my mom in a few minutes.
Actually able to do so
however I am getting a ride there and back.

I 've eliminated driving as much as possible and only when absolute necessary do I drive.

I have been to 2 doctors last few weeks, got good news, some and got bad news.

Some of my pain issues have no resolve, other than pain meds, muscle relaxers and possibly some therapy.

Right now I finally got 2 MRI s approved by County and the EMG the neurologist ordered

next week I will be busy going to doctors for these for further diagnosis and treatment.

I was told I am close to paralyzing myself and that was not a pleasant thing to hear at 45 years old, esp w/ the new symptoms each week.

Doctor about scared the hell out of me, She would not treat my neck and said that she thought my neck was actually broken, gave me a neck brace to wear and said she was afraid to touch me
for to make it worse or paralyze me

I saw the xrays this time and they looked bad.

It was traumatizing to hear this and I also worried for my fiance
I worried for money
I asked the doc if I should do the disabiliyt and she just said YES no maybes or wait and sees
that was also telling

a lot of pills for me to swallow yet for my pride
I am a worker bee and used to even be a workaholic
plus I'm the type that goes, goes and also that does does for others
and that helps others

I have been on my own since 13 years old more or less and raised my son single handledly w/o any govt assistance.

I am headstrong when it comes to that, so it is a tough nut to swallow.

I was given name of a disability advocate to help me get some disability

applied for SSDI online and have to do the SSI in person, BUT, County said they MAY have financial beneits for me to get now while i wait that can be dedcuted from disabilty when and if i get it.

from what i can tell sounds like a When and not If on that one.

I am contacting the advocate Monday at no cost they will help me to my disability paperwork, so that is a blessing.

All things considered I am looking right now in my life at the many blessings I have.

The pain is out of total control, as I ran out of meds recently to see where I stood and WOW, each time I go off the pills it is a real doozy and not from the pill w/drawals either hell i'm used to that one, I had tapered down anyway cuz i did not have enough meds from a few bad days threw off the entire **** schedule .

sooo, now i'm off to see a movie, at least i can still do that.
gonna get a ride not drive and get my neck brace on!

Prayers to all my fellow pain sufferers, feels SOME of a relief to finally know after 2 years of chronic pain and constant not knowing why

I had to raise a bit of small hell at County to get them to do an MRI of my neck?? they dropped the ball on it
after what i read on interent and heard from the doctor my boyfrined Paid out of pocket to see (w/ our limited funds)
I had to go make a stink

everyone there got involved once i went in w/ aneck brace and
when they tried to be rude and side track me i calmly
walked back to wtng area, said out loud

"Lawsuit City"
and sat in my chair

well when I left i had a prescr for muscle relaxers which i did not even ask for (but my own research adn experience indicates the need for)
as well as an URGENT this time (instead of last time thye referred me w/ a 4-6 wk referral) ??? this when I'm in constnat pain my neck xrays are seriously freaked up and they give NO MEDS.
yet she could not mark the Urgent box 2 bus days

this time i got my script w/o asking
i got the MRI script and a URGENT 2 day turn around time

then they even gave me the disability info
they spent a lot of time (the doctor did) defending themselves

i was nice about it but you know what? when I m told that i could be paralyzed and that I should not even be walking i was not a happy camper for them to drop the ball on my neck esp after what i read on internet about prolonging neck treatment and the PERMANENT DAMAGES that result.

so seems so far so good
got it dialed in , hell only stated this w/ the county in Nov, (probably record time to get all the stuff done i have to date)

just that time goes so much slower when a) your are waiting and / or b) you are in pain

got medicine and a refill for my meds so i'm relieved that

since i learned about my neck condition , barely any of it left holding together
my age, the degeneration aspect, whole thing scared the crap out of me

esp til i get the MRI to verify it is not broken
wow, a dr. telling you your neck is broke! never saw that one coming

meantime am being real careful
cannot afford to take a fall or get in any **** accidents

i dont want to have fear rule my life though so i've enough of it

Lots of talks w/ God lately

Doing meditatons on myself for healing and I move to future in there and have a team of Star Trek type specialists do treatments on me.

Hell, it can' thurt right?

highly recommend this btw, to visualize the healing of your various body parts while and before you go to sleep

any case, I hope to hear some feed back here from anyone willing and able to chime in w/ any thing to support me in my efforts to contiue for
the best quality of life I can pursue given all my particulars

cuz it is all about he quality of life

hell now i don't even complain about hte pain

at least i'm not paralyzed
and i 'm still able to move, see, hear, breathe
walk and even talk
even write like a fiend on a support group?

so see? God really does provide. you just have to know how to look at how He does so
it's all in our perspectives
cuz God knows when I start looking the ohter way I can be over wrought w/ fear, doubt, anxiety and stress

why should I give the balance of hte quality of my life however reduced in my capacities to
that? esp kmnowing i have less of it all than i think i do, make the most of every second of it right?

God knows me better than I know myself. He knows what is better for me than I do.
I am letting him call the shots and not fighting, but APPRECIATING WHAT I DO HAVE!

God Bless all today
I am gonna check back in to hear any feedback becasue I really really do appreciate all of you here and whomever takes the time to read me and to respond.

I am anxious for some socialization from others that are going thru their own trials as well,
Thank you and God Bless

and for my one liner to my friends here today

"Accept and Do what Life asks of you and have fun doing it."

"For this life is somewhat a game in the flesh where we suffer
Let us unite in the fact that our souls and spirits remain impenetrable if our minds will only allow it!"