Well, my last full binge was dec 24th 2010, about 6 months binge, binge, major binge free.....and hub has been deployed to afgan the last 9 months, hes back and so are my urges for bingeing, it sucks, still didnt binge but dinners and bigger, portions are bigger, drinks and coming into play more, icecream shops are our daily stops and hangouts again and im scared more now then ever. The last 6 months was all about me and "me" time, my recovery, i ate when i was hungry, healthy foods, now its "man" foods with the hub, drinks and good times, but we all know good times arent when u are an ED.........i felt therapy wasnt going to help me now even so i cancelled all appts and the hub made me see a new one, i got that appt in a week or so, a new, majorly good treatment center, outpatient.......im excited but hopeless, i feel no one will ever help, this will never go away, i just want one **** day i dont wake up thinking about food.................dreaming about my next meal....planning to eat things, etc, etc i would love to stand in front of a mirror and love what i see i would love to go out with the hub and not try and 30 diff outfits before leavin the house.........i just feel sick, sick, sick......i hate getting up and love sleeping cuz its the only time the thoughts of food and anxiety stop.........i just wanna be happy and carefree, its so sad that the greatest wish id have for myself is to have the ability to eat whatever i please and never ever gain weight, if i had that life would be amazing, but nope i got a ED, suffered with it 17 years and im guessing i got another 17 years plus of it to go.....
:((((((((((((
There is always hope. The trick is to have patience and tell yourself that with all your efforts it will take time to get where you would like to be. If you think about food, do not fight it and it is OK. Small meals through out the day will help you to get used to eat less, without going hungry. There will be ups and downs, but do not give up. Wishing you well. God bless you.
Your last binge was December 24th. That is soo amazing. I am in the same boat- wondering if I can ever really live a life free of "thinking about food"...my next meal..my body...etc etc. Sometimes I feel hopeless and feel like I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I said to my therapist the other day --how amazing it would feel to wake up eat whatever and go out for the day without planning or thinking about meals, just eating what I wanted, what was available..and just living carefree.
Even though it's tough and at times we feel HOPELESS. I am not losing faith. One day we can overcome this!!!! We can do it.
If anything, just know you are not alone. Always here for support!! XOXO
S