Update on my life

Hello friends! I haven't written my own post for quite a while, simply due to lack of time, and enjoying everyone else's posts!
I don't have anything remarkable to write today, but I did want to share a bit about my own life, and what 'recovery' looks like for me.
I don't even think so much anymore about being 'recovered', because I am simply living my life in a very full and exciting way. Yes, being 'recovered' allows me to do that, but I guess I can see that my identity is no longer only a 'recovered' person, but a person who is moving on and living her life in many exciting ways. I wish the same for each of you!
Not a day goes by that I don't have at last one 'aha' moment, when I am reminded of how awesome life is, and how lucky I truly am. Not because I no longer have an ED, but because of the blessings I have in my life.
I LOVE being involved with helping others recover. My job at The River Centre Clinic as The Director of Admissions and Outreach allows me a multitude of experiences...and I am truly grateful for that!
Speaking at schools, insurance companies, and the day by day interacting with those who are working for recovery is one of the greatest gifts I have been given.
My man [Dave] is THE greatest, by far! Being able to be in relationship, mutually, honestly, and with no fear is something I could never have imagined!
I now have the opportunity to get to know my grandson [long story], and be a part of his life....another aspect I never would have imagined or expected!
The great friends I have here, there and in many other places fill my life totally, and I wake up in the morning, excited to 'network' in many different ways.
Juggling things is an interesting feat some days, but I have learned to prioritize and to allow myself to put some things off until tomorrow....giving myself time for ME is pretty awesome!!
As the Holiday season gets into full swing, I find that I have those moments of reflection that bring tears. I allow myself to FEEL, in the moment, what I need to feel, and then I can move on.
My tears are usually about what past Holidays never were, and what they will never be now, because my oldest son does not live nearby, and my youngest son was taken from this Earth 9 1/2 years ago. It's the 'what if's that often cause me more pain. But the pain reminds me that I am human, and if I can FEEL the pain, I can also FEEL the joy. I can't allow it to stop me. But I miss my son(s), and what 'wasn't' because of my eating disorder. I do.
So...that's just a bit of ME at this moment in time.
I love you all, and plead with you to NEVER GIVE UP!!

HUGS...Jan ♥

Jan,
You never stop amazing and inspiring me. You are such an incredible person, I don't really know what else to say.
You have shown me that recovery is possible, and you have showed that to so many people. I have had a taste of what life is like without my eating disorder, and because of you I know that it is possible.
The holidays are difficult, and I am sorry about the tears. But the fact that you can feel sadness and move on is so incredible. You are such a good person, with such a loving heart. Your boys are lucky to have you as a mother.
I miss you so much!!!
I love you and wish you the best holiday season, full of happiness, love, and joy that you deserve.
<3 CC

CC...thank you so much for YOUR love and inspiration! I miss you too, but I hope you can plan a visit to NW Ohio sometime! Or maybe, I will have to come to New Orleans!!
Love you!! Jan ♥

Hey jan´
it's so good to hear from you other than through your immensely supportive posts :-)
i am so glad that you have even found the way back into a life completely without ED. this is something i have not thought possible but i guess you prove me completely wrong (i'm glad!!).
on the other hand i'm so sorry for your negative memories and for the things you have lost or missed throughout your ED. but i guess in a way it will only make you appreciate your joys even more :-)
hopefully you'll have more joyful feelings thoughout the holidays (and any time). maybe even being able to send your son something or talking to him on the phone will make you realize that despite missing them both you can concentrate on the fact that your love for them and everyone else is now not spoiled and dirtied (is that a word?) by ED's nasty comments anymore. it's just YOU!!! :-)

thanks for the inspiration, jan!

lots of love
maedi

Jan, it's so good to read a little about your life ♥ you always offer us wise and great support and advice, but rarely let us into your world...its very refreshing. I wanted to thank you for getting the ball rolling for me in terms of recovery, while it may not have worked out with RCC (Stupid Canadian Government!) it did get my Dr to take notice and work a little harder to get me into treatment here at home...your support and advice has truly changed my life ♥ You are an angel!

Thank you both, Maedi and Gina!! I appreciate knowing that I can put myself out here, and always be heard! I have had to accept that now that I am working full-time, I cannot be on here as much, but that doesn't mean I don't still read and support everyone in my heart!
Thankful for you all....Jan ♥

Jan,

Always an inspiration! :) You're leading the way, dear friend. And shining a light for those that choose to follow. :)

Love you!!

Jen

you are an amazing incredible woman and i am so blessed to have met you on my birthday. thanks so much for that amazing memory. you were the one who walked me thorugh recovery last dec 2nd when no one else was around to do so. and for that--i am incredibly greatful. thanks so much . you inspire so many people and bless so many with your presence. i am ever so glad ED didnt take your life. i am also glad ED didnt take mine. you make me want to fight every day to help others get out of ED and into recovery. i so want to do that--somehow i WILL.

you lend an ear to my thoughts and ED worries ,and heck you lend ear to everyones thoughts and worries here as well as RCC! how you do it ALL in one day i dont know! LOL! i so aspire to be like you and your recovery journey is an pure inspiration.

thanks for bringing me up when im down from ED and thanks for lifting everyone up from all the pain they go through with ED. it takes someone who hs been through ED to understand how to get OVER it. like --you are way better at understanding ED than my therapist...

we all love you.

love
maureen

Maureen!
You have come a long way, and I hope you can give yourself credit for pushing on even when you don’t FEEL like it!
Meeting you was a wonderful experience, and I hope we can see each other again. It’s such a blessing to get to know people in this venue, and then to go on and actually spend time with them…you, Jen, Amy…and hopefully more in the future!! [Starting to think about the 2011 NEDA Walk for NW Ohio!!]
Take care, and NEVER GIVE UP!!
Jan :heart:

Thanks for the update! You've got a wonderful attitude, and, as Jen said, you're truly an inspiration. Keep posting; you help a lot of people!

Vero

Thank you Vero....I appreciate you!
Jan ♥

jan

u are such an inspiration. u never stop giving to others. u always are putting others before yourself and im grateful for that.

you have come a long way and deserve this happiness!!

Jan You are my ultimate hero. The one person I most admire and I love reading your updates. I cannot think of a better thing for you and for the rest of the universe than to have you working as the director of admissions and outreach.... congrats and looking forward to hearing more and maybe getting my rear end up to NW ohio to meet you!

Molly, you are too kind, but thank you for always being there for others. Neither of us has a good excuse for not meeting, only being 2 hours away....let's make it happen!!
I hope your week begins very well!! Take care...Jan ♥

i'm dying to weasel my way in on this meeting...
xo

For sure!! ♥

Jan, you are SUCH an inspiration to me. You show me that an ED-free life is possible, and I hold on to that hope when I feel like I want to give up. Thank you.
I would love to meet you and take part in the walk! When is it?

Thank you for your kind words Chelsea!
Last year, the NEDA Walk for NW Ohio was on April 25 (a Sunday). I haven't picked a date yet...I am going to do that after the first of the year, but it will likely be around the same time.
Are you anywhere near this area? No matter, I had ONE special person fly in all the way from Texas (WooHoo)last year!!
I will definitely keep everyone up on the plans!
Take care...Jan ♥

yeah and youll also have a couple (me and joe) driving in from New York! LOL!

geez i hope something doesnt happen ---with us medically cause i really want to go....

sigh...

keep us posted!
love
maureen

Nothing is too far by plane! LOL! ♥ This Texas girl is ready for another trip!! :) Love you, Jan!! Can't wait to meet more friends! Maureen, I can't wait! Molly... You better be there, girl! I sooo hope you can make it, Chelsea! :)

Lots of love!

Jen