Update to "I'm scared"

First off, I am serious. I am scared. And while I was still coming down and freaking out, I neglected to think about those of you with real and lasting and devastating addictions. I can see how my 4 times in the last year may seem like nothing, but know I meant no offense.
After reading thru everything on this group and alot of stuff on KCI.org as well as a bunch of articles on sexual addiction, I think my meth use came out of an already existing axial addiction. The hours spent online, the compulsions, the rest of it all existed before I got back into meth last year. Maybe I was trying to amp it up with more "dangerous" behaviors. (meth=dangerous, cross dressing no so much, hence the quotes there). Does that make any sence to anyone? Maybe I'm in the wrong group?

I admire you for being aware of your thinking & destructive behavior & if your really scared then try & find some assistance if affordable, have you tried counseling? If not keep talking with us here sounds like you have alot of different thought processes going on & would be wise to start with one if you can. You'll find others to relate to here & they may be able to offer some suggestions/advice to try if your willing to listen.

All my strengths.

April (never used meth)

Thankyou April,
I went to my parents. I’m lucky that I knew they would help me I I made the first step. If I had called from jail or worse, I don’t know. I knew facing their disappointment was the worst part and getting past that first will, I hope, make the rest easier. Next I told my ex. She deserved to know what tore our relationship apart. I have a needs assessment meeting with a counselor on Monday. In the meantime I’ve been journaling. I’m thinking of opening the journal up as a blog. I’d like to turn all this negative energy into something positive.
Thankyou again

That would be wonderful if you decided to share your experiences/journals as that would be helpful to others & a very wise choice on your part. I admire you for all that your battling & all my strengths are with you friend.

Take care of you.

April