hi everyone, i'm sorry i haven't been really responding lately, i've been sick with the flu and i've had a terrible migraine and couldn't even stand opening my laptop. but i am feeling much better now. instead of just responding to people on my posts i decided to start a new post because i'm only giving myself a little time on the computer so i don't get another migraine.
so basically i talked to people about reporting my ex boyfriend, the one who pushed me down stairs. i have one person supporting me, and that's really only because he likes me. but at least there's him. he's far away at college though so i never see him. most of my friends are protecting him and not me. it's made me kind of depressed, not to mention i haven't seen anyone in a week besides my parents because i've been sick. i've been having dreams about him killing me. during my naps only. so i've been really anxious too. i've been watching criminal minds a lot lately, because i'm really into psychology. so i've been looking up things about narcissists and sociopaths. he has EVER single sign of being a sociopath. this is probably the best description of him i have found http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
i'm quite worried about his family, because he has tried to kill them and felt no remorse. he could have killed me, and the look in his eyes when he said sorry was like nothing. i can't even explain it. it was like he was only saying sorry to get me to stay with him. i felt no love and there was NOTHING in his eyes. you know how when someone is actually sorry and you can feel it? i felt nothing. it was horrible. he lies all the time, he's so manipulative he actually tricked me when he wouldn't let me eat anything he would say that's what i wanted, and i believed it and continued to believe it until i was at a dangerously low weight and couldn't even walk up stairs without passing out. he never feels remorse, but he can fake it if it badly affects him. i don't want everyone to hate me if i report him, but i don't want him to hurt anyone else. i have no idea what to do. i know you'll all tell me to report him. but everyone i know who i have to see and talk to all the time is on his side. it's so difficult.
Sorry but I think all your friends are blind seriously not helping you. I don't get it people get mad when they hear about abuse BUT when they actually have to face it (your friends ) they don't help stand up to it. They back off and just allow it to continue SO confusing to me. It actally angers me and is very hurtful to those abused because if WE decide to listen to them even knowing in our hearts our hearts have been bruised and battered where does that leave us. It leaves us bruised and battered and only allows the abuser to continue the cycle of abuse.
yes Sarah everyone here will tell yout o report him and only you can make that decision.
I know its hard sweet Sarah I DO ..but how long are you willing to suffer???
If I were with you I would be the first to back you up and go with you in support to report this.
Im worried that thsi is going to haunt you for a very long time..especially when he is around you the pain he's caused you will just continue to be thrown in your face.
he is probably empowered by your decision not to report it.
I don't know what to say ...hopefully coming here will help you through some of this ..know that we love you and support you.
I knwo you want that love and support around you at home.
I thought that you were gonna go to the women's shelter for some counseling..yes IT IS FREE there.
I think it would be very helpful to you Sarah.
just consider it.
♥♥♥
thank you. i'm never around him though, i will not go anywhere near him. he does live up the street from me but he's almost always at home. he did drive by me once when i was waiting for my friend, and he slowed down to glare at me, like i did something to him. i laughed because i KNOW i did nothing wrong. but i never go around him otherwise. i am going to go to the women's shelter, but i wanted to be in group therapy and i missed the beginning date of them, so i have to wait until january. i suppose i could do individual therapy for now, i just thought it would be really great to do group therapy. because then there would be people who understand me who actually live around me and i can hang out with and discuss things with. i think that would really help me, because none of my friends get it. they try, and i love them, but they just don't understand.