Well I'm writing this because i just feel like my life is falling apart. It feels like nothing is right in it. I work mornings and feel like i have to constantly prove myself to my managers and nothing i ever do is good enough. I've been crying more at work. One of my co-worker's whos been filling in as the manager lately is the person I've been in love with for a year and a half and I work with him all the time. Unlike alot of the other manager's he's usually pretty decent around me but today he got kind of snooty with me and it bothered me. Because i like him and very vulnerable right now I cried. I later pulled him aside and told him and he did apologize not realizing it bothered me. But he was trying not to hurt my feelings by telling me I am a little sensitive with a lot of things. He wasn't mean when he said that but that I wear my heart on my sleave.I said i don't mean to be like that and so sensitive to everything but it just seems like i take so much abuse at work like getting picked on and at home. The person i live with treats me so horrible and puts me down all the time. I feel like i can' t win. I don't really have any friends right now. My best friend dumped me and sent me a few horrible emails about everything i do wrong and I'm still upset from that.She hurt me bad and never really cared how i felt.Im not trying to be depressing all the time but i fell like Im just hurt so much by people and when i tell people how i feel they make light of it like just relax or your too sensitive but none of these people are in my shoes and don't know what i go through everyday. It's so easy for people to judge instead of just showing a little compassion for me. Im sorry im going on like this but i feel so alone right now with noone to turn to. I'm so tired of caring what people think of me and their opinions it's consuming my life. It's like my approval and worth is a constant battle that im dealing with. Im constantly seeking it out. And not by just anyone people who matter to me. Some people i can care less and others its constant. Especially the guy i like at work. It's like if he likes me or treats me good im happy and approve of myself. This is a sad way Im living. I should only be caring about my own approval and i don't know how.I read all the self helps books but approval and people liking me is a constant battle. Of course their are alot of people who do like me co-workers and customers but I focus on the ones who don't or who i need their approval every minute.Im so lost. Anybody have any advice how to do this? I need help and a friend now so bad. If anyone wants to be my friend who's going through similiar stuff please message me. Thank you.
sha11 .... you are not alone. I've gone through this several times in the past at various jobs that I have held.
I too seek out the approval of others. I know I should not but I still do.
The best solution I can offer you is this: Seek out a therapist who can help you. She will help you identify those things that others don't like. She will also help you vent all these frustrations you have bottled up. And, this will help you feel less vulnerable in the future when these types of negative situations arise.
Then, after you have learned more about yourself, you can look for a new job. You know ... to start over. :)
I actually am going to counseling regularly to help me deal with alot of stuff in my life plus needing people’s approval all the time. She is helping me a little but its a constant struggle. I do like my job because most of my co-workers are good and i love my customers, but sometimes i just don’t feel appreciated at all and feel picked on. I am trying to look for another job but not for that reason but for getting a better paying job and to get out of retail. I am working really hard on not caring what others think of me.I know i can’t please everyone and not everyone is gonna like you. It’s really a waste of time and energy when i should be focusing only on myself and improving my life.
I have juts recently went through 1 of the phases again last week. i said 1 of the phases because i feel that it has been repeating over and over and over again in my life. This time around it was bad and i almost killed myself in front of my husband.
This week, things got a lot better for myself. What i did was i did an anger release exercise that was ask of me to do by one of my friend/mentor.
He ask me to buy 9 small birthday candles. and this exercise must be done 9 days in a row. once you miss a day, you have to start the cycle all over again.
So everyday, get a small not book or so and then write down everyday i am pissed because... i am angry... and write everything down. it is ok if it sounds like a lay blame, just allow yourself to express and write everything out on the book.
Everyday for 9 days straight we have to write as long as the small candle is lighted. write until the candle goes off.
At the end, day 9, after the exercise, burn the book. when burning imagine all you anger, sadness and so on dissipated into the universe and you release it all at the moment. :)
Sha11,
You have all of us here. We are you friends and are here to support you. Sounds to me like you aren't surrounded by the healthiest people. Sure they may be telling you that you're too sensitive, but why do they feel the need to put you down? Perhaps it's to make themselves feel better? Perspective is a tricky little thing, maybe it has nothing to even do with you. Everyone has a bad day, and unforuntely we all get the **** end of the stick sometimes. Not to say the way you're being treated is ok, it certainly isn't. But if you genuinely feel so hurt by these people, don't involve yourself in their lives. There are so many great people out there. Building great relationships takes a lot of time and hard work, but in the end, always worth it. We all seek approval from others to validate how we feel about ourselves, and to an extent that is ok but people should be lifting us up. Constructive criticism is ok, but it doesn't sound like that is what your friends and co-workers are doing. Keep your chin up and keep in touch.
Sha11, as you continue to better yourself through the progress you keep making, you'll see who YOU want to surround yourself with & MIGHT care or want approval from & in reference to the job..... A job IS a JOB & even there you start realizing who YOU want to surround yourself with & give yourself the credit & pat on the back for a JOB WELL DONE & GOOD DAYS WORK @ the end of the day, you've earned it, keep going.
I Hope you will start to feel better. It's hard to blow off the folks who don't seem to like you or care. I know because I try to be good to all and as hard as that is to face it just doesn't work or guarantee anything.
It really is necessary to try to ignore or spend less energy on people who don't give you what you need. It's more about them than you. This may sound stupid but many magazine articles I've read and saved address this. They suggest to feel less stressed and build self esteem with people who appreciate you.
You mentioned that you are liked by some of the people you have some kind of contact with. Believe me, I have to make a conscious effort to do that myself, but Focus on those people. They are more likely to feed your needs and help you to satisfy your needs with better thoughts of yourself by You. Best of Luck, You are valuable, Develop yourself.
You're very right. I need to stop focusing on the people who don't approve of me and the ones who do. I have more people who do like me at work and most of the customers love me but i spend my time worrying about the few who don't. Just like the saying you can get 50,000 compliments and not think too much of it and get one put down and spend all your time worrying about the one put down. I don't know if it's human nature to do that. I'm actually getting better though. Im focusing on liking myself and not worrying about others anymore. It takes too much energy and I actually like myself. I've worked hard on developing that and Im not being conceited in anyway. I know Im a good person who is honest with a good heart. I care about people deeply and never go out of my way to hurt others. That's the qualities Im focusing on. The only person who opinion i still care about is my co-worker who I've liked for a long time now. For some reason his opinion of me matters so much. But it's a constant battle with his approval. It's never good enough and Im tired of feeling that way. Everytime i work with him if he's nice to me im happy and if he's kinda rude im sad. It's a sad way to feel all the time. Im starting not to care anymore and just worrying about my own opinion. My opinion of myself is what matters most. Not this guy who i like so much.It's exhausting always worrying about what others think of you. Anyways sorry im going on about this. Thank you for writing me and I am feeling better since i wrote that. Sharon
You are very much not alone. I have spent years of my life battling a need for approval, in various arenas. Even though I am stronger than ever, it is deep inside of me to do this. I think we all want some approval from people, but those of us who people call "sensitive" just deal with it on a much deeper level. The counseling is a great idea, but also, I just wanted to write and say that you are not a freak for feeling these things, and for seemingly throwing away the good comments in favor of obsessing over the bad ones. I have been that person SO OFTEN! You are definitely not alone. Any time you need to vent about being swayed by people's behavior, I am SURE to understand just where you are coming from. You have friends here. :)
I was very invested in having my coworker/technical supervisor approve of me. She was not someone I was interested in as a love interest but she had total control of the work environment. I was low person on the totem pole and could never understand why she didn't give me the credit I deserved there. She was related to and good friends with the other small group of coworkers. Finally I left the position realizing that I would never have any more respect.
It's been a struggle since but I don't wish I was back there. If this person doesn't give you the time of day then focus on the good people and make a cordial boundary between yourself and this guy. If that's not possible then try to find a situation that you are more valued in.
Don't forget those that already care for and admire you.