As you all know I have already gone before the Judge for the temporary orders Now I am sitting and waiting for his judgement. I did find out that my home was auctioned the day before I went to court but it will take 30 days for them to close and who knows how long after that before the sheriff will come and remove me. The bank wont tell me because I wasn't on the mortgage so I wait again.
While I sit and wait for my world to start again my ex's world still moves forward. Am I worth less because I was a stay at home wife and mother? He gets his new career his company credit card fancy dinners company car a nice room in a nice home where is the justice in that? He abused me he degraded me he was a drunk and all I did was try to be a faithful loyal supportive wife and a devoted loving caring mother and I HAVE NOTHING but time to wait for someone else to say I was worth something I only pray that its before I get locked out of the house I have been held captive in by my worthless ex.
Oh what I have gotten is my ex turning my children against me leaving me behind to deal with their nasty moods the bill collectors looking for him that I can not send his way because I can't give out his numbers I am just so blessed by him this same man who made me grovel at his feet to thank him for all he has done for me.
I want to live but not like this I know he's just so proud of himself for all he has done to me through this but I have to believe that there is some justice out there for me somewhere somehow
I am holding strong but even the strongest have moments of doubt and fear and right now I am having both. I doubt that I could possibly get what I have asked for and fear what if I don't get it and if I do what if he doesn't pay the award to me? WHERE WILL I GO
Are you able to go live with your parents until you get on your feet?
No soft I can't they live out of state and I am restricted to this county and surrounding counties . I just called our local abused women group I have an appointment this week to see what they can do for me.
It was hard hearing that I was abused even tho I know it but to hear someone else say it to me because I wasn't being hit and beaten I wasn't abused I never thought that his name calling and degration was abuse it just seemed normal to me this was just my life it was what I was suppose to go through.to help my children survive relativily normal lives
tedebear I questioned myself many times over about what i lived if it was abuse. i didn't know it was abuse till I came here on this site and a close friend helped me see it after i started to share with her.
But I clearly know now that what i thought was normal but felt very trapped in was in fact ABUSE.
i know my ex does not believe it was abuse he has totally convinced himself of that.
A friend had taken me to the womans shelter and there i learned that my ex was abusive in all forms.
living in fear of him returning home wondering what kind of mood he was in that day. He di what he wanted threatened to leave me whenever I did something wrong in his opinion which was often.Wondering if he was going to be Jekyll or Hyde each day and so much more.
when someone else tells us that it was abuse and it was serious its shaming to hear those words.
AG
yes it was AG, I keep asking myself how I let myself get mixed into another abusive relationship when I left my family's home I promised myself I would never let another man hit me like they had and I kept that promise but I still let this man control me feed on my fear of being unable to care for my children call me nasty names humilate me in front of my children berate me degrade me he said he wouldn't abandon me and the children but he has done that not once but 3 times I don't know why I trusted him I told my lawyer that I believe that he could be gay because he is very fem for a man. not to mention that he has not had any relations with me in years that anyone could do if you know what I mean and even that was one sided and not willing on my part.
It is very hard to make that call all I could think of was people like you and suzee who have had allot worse I mean I just had names and put downs I should be able to handle that right? These people need the help worse then I do what if I am blowing it out of proportion and taking help from someone who really needs it? Am I being fair to them?
You do need it tedebear you are no different than I or suzee just because your situation is not the same as ours
you would see that emotional abuse is just as damaging and leaves invisible scars. that are so deep that it can take years to heal from.. Sometimes more damaging than physical abuse.
I myself still have my own healing form the emotional abuse because it was so many years of it.
as far as falling into other abusive relationships statistics show that if raised in an abusive home more than likely you will not knowingly fall into abusive relationships in your life. i also grew up in an abusive home and then ended up in an abusive relationship/ marriage. i don't blame it on my past it is what it is and i have recognized that and took the steps to get out of it and stop the cycle. My ex also grew up in an abusive home.
its a cycle that has to be broken so that our children don't continue to fall into the same cycle.
AG
I so hope it is broken for us AG I didn't see it while it was happening and I do not want my son to think this is how to treat a woman let alone my daughter to thinks this is how she should be treated I want better for them.
I know that there will always be people worse off then I am it's just so hard for me to ask for help maybe if I had known how to then I wouldn't actually need it now . I don't know what they will be able to do for me she said that I could take my son to their shealtor but if they do not have a single room then they wouldn't have a place for us. I could stay in a hotel but that may not be covered by them. I just have to see what they can do for me any help is better then no help at all. I think they will be able to move me up on the assisted housing list right now there is a 6mnth waiting list I told them we proved his abuse in court that he admitted to having a drinking problem and that he wears a Nazi uniform around the house that he has used nasty names and controlled the finances so I couldn't have left if I wanted too.
I do not know what else they will do for me I am hoping work and training so I can bring in an income
I'm so glad to catch you both online right now. I'm having a very tough evening. Abusers just are abel to keep abusing us and laughing and I'm so upset. A friend I've had for 25 years I find out has been hanging out with Frank and making jokes about me etc... it's so painful and abusive!!! Who do I trust>???? When is it NOT ok to abuse me.
I think about having to tell him how stupid I am over and over and louder and louder...then get on your kneees and tell him again how stupid I am... sometimes just that would go on for the three or four hours...
Bawling...plain old bawling and if one person tells me toughen up, I'll scream!!! SOMETIMES THIS **** SUCKS and I should be allowed to cry sometimes.... it's just such a nightmare.
Suzee
OMG NO SUZEE IT IS NOT OK TO ABUSE YOU!!!!
i hope you cut her off at the knees!!! you trust your family your kids (unless they are like mine right now) She didn't have to live your life she doesn't understand you didn't live the high life F**K her
Is she single and hitting on him? I would feel bad for her but then I would be grateful that he wasn't still on my hook let her have him since they seem to deserve each other. two jerks who better to have him then when he pulls his stuff on her and she comes back to you telling you how sorry she is and so scared SLAM THE DOOR IN HER FACE
You know what sucks more than being abused? It's that the abuse continues in my mind many many years after it actually ended. I am certain that I am in the position I am in today with a second failing marriage because I carried the burden of low self-esteem from the first marriage right into the second one. I wouldn't know healthy love if it came up and hit me in the face. I am very sorry for all the abused women and men on this site. I hope talking and writing and sharing will break the cycle for just one woman and her children. I really feel that my self-esteem is in the toilet as much today as when I was in the middle of an abusive marriage that ended in 1997. So sad that I am recognizing the same patterns in MY behavior now as I had 14 years ago. Right now it's just packaged a different way, but the bottom line is I accept ****** treatment because I think it is what I am worthy of.
I believe that if we can recognize what the abuse is then we are breaking that cycle I can say I knew that the hitting and beatings I took through my childhood was abuse but the belittling and degration and humiliation I was put through I thought was just what I had to deal with no one told me this isn't normal that no woman should be talked to like that. Sure I knew rape was abuse too but that his neglect was too I didn't know I've never had a self-esteem I was always told I was worthless that the only value I had on this planet was whatever my husband would give to me. So was it any surprise that I ended up in this marriage ?
Teddy, that's the best news I've heard today that you called a shelter.. YES HONEY it was all abuse!! They just like to torture us with the mind attacks and self esteem degrading acts. The number of times he was physically abusive with me are not the abuses that have affected me the worst. IT's been that laugh, when I'd fall. The disgust when I woudl try to walk. The anger because it was just his luck he'd marry a worthless retarded cripple. I hate the use of the word retarded and of course he used it all the time. I have a dear friend who has some learning disabilities and I listened to people call her names our whole lives and when we were in school I would stick up for her. I actually hit someone once and it was a senior boy who was calling her names. She was sitting there sobbing and he just kept on doing it.
I can tell you as a woman in a wheelchair, I AM a second class citizen and typically am not deserving of the things other women have... It's proven to me each and every day. Others too, believe they are doing me a favor by talking to me because I'm disabled and don't REALLY deserve friends so they will be my sympathy friends. Don't need them. I STILL outwork 90% of the healthy people.
Hopefully you will actually have some dignity after this is all overwith because I've already got a million strikes against me by being sick.
Suzee
My abuse was delivered emotionally, which in my opinion is as bad as physical abuse. At least with physical abuse a friend, family member, co-worker, or doctor might see the bruises and ask you if something has happened and if you need help. With emotional abuse the scars are hidden and you are too ashamed to tell anyone because the abuser makes sure you believe that it is about YOU and not THEM. I am very ashamed right now that I allowed myself to be sucked into the charms of my husband last night. I believe it is a direct result of my low self-esteem. I feel like if I tell him to get lost, he really will, and deep down that's not what I want. Kind of sick, huh?
Suzee, Michael says to throw her to the curb and to message him . I agree with him if she is stupid enough to get messed up with him after knowing what he has put you through then she is not worth a dang to you. Actually Michael and I believe that it is a way to get near you. Since he can't get close to you to learn what you are doing then he maybe using her as a means to get the information for him or using her as a spy to see what he can through her so it is better that you learned of her involvement with him now and cut it off before then later when she had something to use against you. So yes it hurts but in the end she will learn the hard way what you had to deal with cut your losses and lose her before she can cause you any more pain
She can not understand or conceive the kind of abuse you speak of because she has never had to live with it. Most people couldn't conceive it like I said it seems like fiction to them when for you and several others this is Non-fiction. Heck Suzee to even some of the abused people here your story still sounds like a horror film to them. But those who have come to know it and you and your family know this maybe what some horror films are made of but they got their ideas from your life. I am surprised that you didn't do a "Burning Bed" on his sorry butt.
I know that this isn't helping but Suzee you never deserved to be so abused and then have a so called friend do it all over again to you that is beyond cruel and I am so terribly sorry that in any way she could find anything funny in your pain. We all love you here and find inspiration in your strength for some it gives them the courage to face their abusers because if you can do it how can we do any less. You kicked one abuser to the curb I know you can with her too. Don't let them take you back there REMEMBER TO GET ANGRY (This is one time it's ok and justified) so shout it out get angry hit something (not someONE they are more likely to send you to jail) but do not let them take you back to that floor plus chase is watching you you have to change the pattern that they took you too.
FIRST: SUZEE YOU ARE NOT SECOND CLASS CITIZEN TO ME OR ANYONE ELSE HERE. DISABLED OR NOT YOUR FIRST CLASS ALL THE WAY !!! And if anyone says differently send them to me I'll take care of them with a one two and down they fall.
I am ashamed that I didn't know I taught my kids that you should treat everyone the way you yourself want to be treated. That they should protective of anyone smaller or weaker then they are treat them as the bible tells us to do not pass judgement or pain on to someone who is weaker or smaller then they are for it is not our place to and yet I allowed another to do it to me right in front of them and no matter what we did we couldn't stop it.
How do I stand there and look at the faces of these women and admit that I allowed this to happen to me?
Hi Suzee,
Right to the point this time, kick the ***** in the gutter and forget her. IF, she was really a friend she wouldn't even have thought about doing it.
For 25 years she was just an aquaintence nothing more. Lots of people out there are the same exact way.
A true friend is one that will come out at 2am because your car quit or something like that. They may not like it but they'd do it. She was never a true friend!!!! Forget the ***** and concentrate on all those people who came to help plant. I bet she didnt show.
So let them talk all they want, in the end you are still going to win. Hell make up stuff and see who spills the beans lol. Counter intelligence.
Remember i said this was war, so treat it that way. I wouldn't say a thing about what you heard to anybody in that town. Top secret!
Remember also he expected what you heard to get back to you, trying to controll you again. DON'T buy into it, it'll take all the fun away.
Hug Your Friend
Me
Sorry, sometimes the whole giant mountain of all the crap gets hard to hold up to try and keep it out of my way. She never was a friend I guess and I think you guys are probably right about him trying to get near me through her.
It's hard though to feel like i sort of, maybe, kind of deserve respect and dignity. I'm sorry for being weak. I need to regroup and start over.
THanks for being here, Suzee
I agree with Michael Suzee. Find your leaks and know who you can trust but never let out anything you are doing I don't tell anyone except my family and those here but even that to only the people I know I can trust. I do not even tell my kids ( you know why) but if they don't know anything then they can't leak anything either
Yeah, she's not a friend. I used to go for a run, or do something physical to relieve stress like this.... I sooo wish I could do that still. I know I have to regroup. The boys were just here asking if I was ok.... LOL Andrew says, "mom, aren't you mad?" LOL I said well it's sort of upsetting but it's ok. LOL I feel better knowing that I didn't freak out!! Because everyone's right, the children are always watching to see how we, the adults handle things. BUT I would REALLY like to punch a pillow but if I mess up my hands again, I'm gonna be a blubbering mess!!!! I just finally got back to work!!!
Thanks guys, I promise I'm already plotting our "revenge".... for us "revenge" means we are going to do some more yard work and get the screens on AND invite the neighbors over for a picnic in the afternoon... LOL I'm not a very good *****, so I just find a productive way to work through it.... actually it stills stings my heart, but better I know now than later.
Sometimes really ****** things happen... you'd think I would expect it by now!
Hugs, Suzee
Why should you Suzee? they are the ones who deserve each other give them a 6 pk and let him do his thing on her then you can sit back and go I told you so when she is the one begging someone to help her