Waking into a nightmare everday

Every morn I wake up into the nightmare of losing my job I loved the best job. I can't believe my manager hurt me like this. No healthcare insurance. Today I will apply for low income healthcare. No job no benefits no pension or paycheck. Last week I spent so much time drunk I did not put in for my umemploment check cuz I was too distraught. Finally I woke up with no hangover n I'm feeling better after only 2 days of not drinking.

I feel so ashamed my manager hated on me enough to fire me. After 8 yrs of hard work and dedication. I spoke irritably to her once and she plotted my deise for 2 years. If I cud just believe I cud get a job in this economic climate with the pox of a termination behind me, I wud firm up. But I'm fearful. I own a home. I'm going to rent my flat out and move to thecattic like a troll. There is no heat or a shower there n I will need to spend the money from saving to add elect heat, a stove a fridge n a tub in an open area. need to find a contractor to fix my kitchen enuf to rent n etc. I was rich finally I got a second job n now I lost my main meat n potatoes.

My friend boyfriend at 47 got dx with 4th stage pancreatic cancer. I must remember to count my blessings. I have good references. I have unemployment a rental property a good skill a little job. I won't starve tomorrow. I have a plan. Fix up rent work 2 days a week job hunt all day long. Never b irritable with anyone again. I have a bladder disease the affects my moods. I pray for healing in wvery sense. I pray for a good job n to b healed. I pray for strength and vitality. I pray to be nice all the time.

And I'm lonely. My last boyfriend hated my bladder disease , my irritability and my drinking problem. Duh no wonder he is gone I worry about my pets being cold on the third floor. I have told my dad yet his heart will break for me. He is 86 n owes me 10k. I told hoin last as long as I was ok so was he. And now I have failed him n my animals. Luckily he lives in Europe n perhaps I will get a new job soon n all will b well. Mayb I will get a new job n b happy without a manager trying to fire me all the time. Mayb I will b happy again. Fulfilled at work. Make a new home. I pray I get the job in buffalo. I am praying.

i applied for the job in buffalo too late. i did not get it. i must keep looking. everyone is looking

it is a mad cometative scramble for work. **** and i have cramps