Terrier: Your story is hard to read.I know your pain. I know it. I feel it every day. Omward is so right about forgiveness. It's funny how it's easier for some than others. I hang on to everything and continually put myself through hell by replaying thoughts in my head. Who is that helping? Why do I give the sitaution so much power? Why am I letting it destroy me? And it is.
I look at my situation and I have no idea how I am posibly going to get through it. My sister tells me that I'm out of control...and what happened to me isn't even a divorceable action. My husband didn't have a sexual affair. He just started phoning, emailing and had a handful of get togethers with an exgirlfriend. the emails I found weren't even sexual, they were friendly and affectionate and both told the other they were happily married. I found out long after the contact had petered out...and it did. He did however go to great lengths to conceal it, because he knows that I don't think exes should be friends. I've always said "you broke up for a reason, why would you go back? you're a married man".I guess I don't understand the nuances of first loves because he is my first love. I know that they had unfinished business. She dumped him 20 years ago, and 6 months after that he had sex with her best friend. i guess they felt they needed to make some bad feelings right again.
It just feels like he chose her over me. it just feels like maybe she is the one that got away, eventhough this man has gotten down on both knees and begged me to forgive him becuase I am the love of his life. I have even called this woman to ask her what happened, and she told me that he says I'm the love of his life. But she also lied about the meetings and phone calls. By the way, I also emailed her husband to tell him about the relationship because that's the kind of crazy ***** I am....and he told me he knew everthing.
I feel like she probably downplayed the emotionality of this relationship to her husband which is why she was telling him about it. My sister tells me I'm a black and white person and this is very much a grey area...and I just have to move there too sometimes.
All I know is that I've just read this post, and i sound like an insane person.
It's been 10 freakin months and I want to punch my husband in the face on a good day, despite the fact he's gone through couples counselling and individual counselling (which was unbelieveable for a man like him). he says he so desperately wants to have an open and honest marriage with me but I fly off the handle so quickly, he hates the arguing so it's just easier to spare me. Uuuuuugh. Why is life so complicated? Someone tell me I'm crazy.