Wanting to Break the Cycle

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
1

I've relapsed again...

My eating over the last week as been out of control. I have suffered from an eating disorder since I was 15. It started with anerexia until I was 17, then I learned to eat normal for about a year then I discovered bulimia. I didn't do it often but after a year and a move it took over my life for three years. I battled bulima during my early 20's, gained control around 25, and have been dealing with occasional periods of relapse for the last seven years. I am fully aware of the mental and physcial effects that happen to me because for the majority of the time I have been able to have a balanced eating pattern, although always an unhealthy relationship with food.

I started to drink more often in the last few years instead of binge; however, my true issue has always been my unhealthy realtionship with food. I no longer drink, and I have slipped back into bulimia recently. I have binged and purged four times this week. This has been the most in years and I am defiantly feeling the difference. I hate the feeling and I truly love the way I feel when I do not purge.

I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow and have taken a break from an extremely jealous and controlling fiance that picks a part every weakness and at many times extremely verbally abusive.

I'm looking to communicate and share my pain, work, and stories with others that understand what I am going through. I feel that my relationship has been the trigger for my relapse but I also don't want to cancel the wedding do to hte fact I have purged and don't want to make a decision I may regret based on my emotional state.

Looking forward to gaining a healthy outlook on eating and feeling the way I will in a couple days without b/p.

Any thoughts or suggestions????

2

You said in your post that your fiancee is extremely jealous and controlling...that is unhealthy for anyone, let alone someone with an ED.
I hope you get to work through some of these issues very soon with your therapist.

3

i agree with lilac.....no person should be jealous or controlling in a relationship. i have learned from past experiences that eventually things will look up and be positive. im struggling with bulimia has well but with help from therapy, nutritionist and meds its turning out ok.

journaling has helped me alot on my recovery as well as my art work.

hope things turn out for the best

sending good vibes ur way

liz

4

Hi ...

you should gather around u ... people who wants to give u their support ! And if they listen carefully enough care enough ... u ll get rid of ED buy yourself !

if u are surrouded by good people .... it will be easy !

This site has many such persons who understand and know what u are going through !

5

Hey Graci,

thanks for telling your story.
i think you definitely need to try separating your ED and your fiance. no matter if you have been b/p you deserve to be treated kindly. and being verbally abusive is certainly not kind.
of course it's difficult if you have already set a date and started planning but you should really if this marriage is good for you and if it is what you really want. and while you're thinking this through do not consider people around you or circumstances. this is YOUR life so you should get what's best for you.

keep us updated about how you're doing. we're all here!
xx