We Do It All, Everything On Our Own!

I learnt a huge lesson today, those that I really needed today couldn't help me... I didn't know how to explain how I feel.... Sometimes I say too much but today i couldn't work out where my head was. :( I was so uncomfortable in my workplace today, the feelings I had where just so un-bearable. I couldn't stop thinking about being stoned... I feel helpless as an employee, friend, partner etc all these roles I play are struggling to be secure. I hate the person I can be when I'm not myself.

I miss my family so much because I have to hide my addiction, although I am unable to admit to myself that I have an addiction I feel the opposite and struggle to work out what it is I want??? I feel like I don't how to talk to people about how I am feeling, I'm so uncomfortable at times, because I don't understand it either. I'm sick of not knowing who I am and what direction I want my life to go in....

I feel like a burden every time I open my mouth, I share a lot of my feelings with my Psychologist but she is not around for me all the time. I feel like some of the feelings I feel are so selfish and unlike me therefore they cannot be said.

I just wish I could be more settled it bothers me so much that each day can be so discomforting :( I wish I could be more inspirational, motivational for myself but I have lost that caring part of me and I wish she would return because I can only count on myself to push through even through the roughest times. I feel a little mis-understood at work and wish they wouldn't make me feel different and treat me differently when they see I am struggling they are aware that I suffer Bipolar and it is all still new to me but coming off the medications that I have been on for so long has been extremely discomforting in all ways. It has at times made it exceptionally hard to carry on through the day. I just once again hope for a better day, and hope that I can release this anger I have been holding onto in a positive way without upsetting anyone.

Just another bad day, lets hope for a better one tomorrow

Gosh honey your being way to hard on yourself, you've been doing alot of hard work to correct alot of issues within it takes time I know your aware of that just keep on that good path your on by going to the therapist, taking your meds correctly & still cutting the pot smoking back & that way you wont feel guilty & then the cycle starts all over again of trying to NUMB it out, its gonna be ok honey, we care about you, glad your letting it out here with us.

Big HUG,

April

Thanku April,

I just feel so lost at the moment. So hard to talk about things I feel so miserable at times and I definately struggle opening up when it's like this. I don't know what I want sometimes and that worries me.

I have found it exceptionally hard to even get a response from my therapist and I feel like a pain trying to get hold of her so often. I just don't know what to do with these feelings inside.

Thankyou for your support, things will get better I'm so relieved though that there are so many people on here that care and it works easier for me to just spill and let what's really bothering me out without upsetting those around me all the time.

Hope your having a nice day :)

i agree with april, don’t be hard on yourself. it sounds like you are really working hard to work through your feelings, and you are aware that you have feelings you need to figure out. those are accomplishments. it takes time to understand your feelings, so don’t worry if you can’t figure it out right now. i know when i get depressed or anxious it takes me a while to figure out what is happening. give yourself time to get through this period. and keep talking to your therapist, be open and honest, and don’t be afraid to share your feelings, they are definitely someone you should just say whatever you want to to. and of course we are all here whenever you need to talk.

Well said Victoria "thoses ARE accomplishment". When you look back one day Jai you'll see it that way & yes therapists are nonjudgemental you can say/tell them anything you want.....thats a good thing & keep letting it out here ALWAYS helps, most of us are pretty nonjudgemental too.

Thankyou for your kind words April and Victoria. Hope you are both travelling well??

Thankyou for your support to my venting post, I was in such a state the other night and I had no one to talk to so I thought I would jump online and get onto the Support Group... Just having people like yourselves on here helps me get through especially during this stage. I'm having a slightly better morning today, I would love it to stay that way.

Talk soon :)

Hi Jai1987 I am happy you are feeling better today. My day is coming to a close here in Canada It's 9:00pm and I've had an o.k. day. I stay clean off of weed, Alchioal, pills, Gambling, and self injory. I how ever did indalich in cigerteds, sex, and gaming. I feel sad that I have not hit my rock bot with those 3 addtions yet but I am getting more clean time in bettween my indaliching so I am all lest move in the right drackshin. :)

Hi All,

I havn't been online in ages, just returned back from a two week vacation. Is it true that when we get away our problems are always right here waiting for us when we get back??

I have spent the last week in bed, didn't have any energy to do anything. Have been unable to eat or drink, was feeling so blue :(
I feel like the problem, if I didn't think certain ways maybe my life would be a lot easier on me. I'm having second thoughts about my treatment and I'm starting to feel like this is not actually happening... I don't want things to be this way. It's like a roller coaster, it can spin so many different ways at any given time and it's quite overwelming. :(

Not sure what to do????

i think if your not happy with your pyscologist and the level of service your getting then your better off choosing someone better suited to what you need,after all your psycologist is human too with there own flaws..

but personally speaking when im depressed and i have time off from work, i usually spend it at home where i can be pretty isolated (even though im living with people),sometimes the best therapy (easier said then done) is to force yourself to go out and do something....go for a walk ,go out and meet freinds or call them,excercise ,eat out at a restaraunt, go to the cinema,..

i can be my own worst enemy when im left alone with myself,and if im left to my own devices ,i will usually choose to stay at home and stew in my own depression,thats why as much as i hate my job im better off with some sort of routine where i have to interact with other people whether i want to or not..

how was the vacation anyway?apart from the last week

Jai1987 - i’m sorry your not feeling great after your vacation. i agree with dell, if you’re not happy with your treatment then do research and find something that you think will work better for you. hope you are feeling better today!

Hi Jai. I have felt the same way in the past. I have been to a few different therapists and they all have different ways of interacting with you. Some just let you talk and will choose where to intervene with a thought. Others ask you questions and try to manipulate your thoughts out of you. What I'm getting at is that they all have their different ways of helping people. If you are uncomfortable with yours or think therapy is not working at all, it is time to find another one. I found a good one and she put me on a fantastic medication. It has changed my life except for one aspect of it. Which is what I am struggling with the most and I can not let it go. I hope you find someone that works great for you. Good luck.

I totally agree they are all different. I'm really happy with mine I just have a few issues at times, and I guess I just need to be a little more patient. But it's really hard at times because I do not have to support of my family in the way I should. I just can't bear for them to really know how I am feeling, they are aware of my Bipolar but sometimes I wonder if they ever truly understand what it can be like.

My mum is constantly complaining about things. I am the oldest of three children in my family and she is always putting pressure on me. I don't think it is fair or healthy for me but she has been like this for as long as I can remember. Its draining and tiring. :(

I have an appointment with my Psych tomorrow which I am looking forward to as it has een a while I just need to get some stuff out in the open. I guess my fear is I don't want to be a burden on anyone including my Psych because when things go wrong and everything comes tumbling down on me I can be extremely hard to get close to and I need to work on not taking my emotions out on others and handle them in my own way.

Hopefully the day gets better. :) Hope you are all well??

hope you have a great appointment tomorrow. And please don’t feel like you are a burden to anyone, you are not. You are working hard with your psych, so keep that up. and as far as your family goes, they probably don’t understand what you are going through. no one can unless they are bipolar and have experienced it. when you feel up to it talk to them so they have an understanding. explain slowly what it is like and what you are going through, maybe this will help them to be more supportive. i’m sure they don’t seem like it now cause they don’t know how you feel. but only talk to them when you feel like you want to.

Thankyou everyone, will try to keep my head up

xox

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder