We had an interesting counseling session last night. Very he

We had an interesting counseling session last night. Very helpful. We were told that in a totally text book setting that the "disequilibrium" of a crisis usually lasts 6 - 8 weeks. That is total text book setting, keep that in mind. Then things should start settling down, where you are not in a constant vortex of hell and emotions. Just thought I would throw that out here for everyone looking for answers to "how long". Now, that is not to say everything is better, but at least some of the chaotic crap calms a bit and you can start to function a bit better. Lets hope this is true!

7 Hearts

Arghhhh I am at 15 weeks and no improvement. She threw me & my girls out into the streets (woods) and yet I can't get and stay mad at her.

@Sgerard I am so sorry this happened to you. The entire thing sucks. Are you in counseling?

No offense @betrayedbymylove but I bet that author never experienced what we're going through. I feel like everything has calmed down and then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose and the constant vortex of emotions roars back to life.
It's been since July for me. I'm now starting to have physical symptoms of these emotions. Not happy about it.

1 Heart

@Piwo33 no offense taken. Like I said total text book setting. This will not be the case for most of us I am sure. No doubt. But if it is for some people, then yeah lucky them! I am sorry you are in this. What steps have you proactively taken to help yourself heal? Have you seen your GP about your physical symptoms? I hope you are o.k.

I think it depends on the relationship. It took me about 3 mos to get over my 1st W leaving for an affair and we were together 13 +/- years. If this had happened with my current W after 3 mos I think I'd still be a mess for a year or more

That's interesting - at about the 8 week mark I would say my equilibrium (an accurate description) did kind of stabilize. My grief was still profound, but my panic and confusion settled. Then more discoveries, then more disequilibrium, rinse, repeat. At no point did it get "easy" (yet?) but the feeling I was falling off a cliff does ease periodically.

1 Heart

@no1 there will always be pain with this situation. When additional crap hits the fan, after you have internalized the betrayal is just horrible. I am so sorry.

I am 7 months from complete D Day, and yes at some point is not as bad, but its a roller coaster. There are some really nice times where life feels normal (ish) and then all of a sudden you are not feeling ok at all. I remember how disappointed I was the first time it happened, but I was assured it was ok and it happens. Life changed dramaticly in a heart beat, but it will take many heart beats to be ok again and that's ok !

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@Harmony1979 normal (ish) has just been added to my vocab! So many, many heartbeats. Will my heart beat that long? You sound like you are in an ok place. That makes me happy for you.

I can attest to the 6-8 weeks in our case. I don't know your conselors definition of "textbook" case but for us, my wife hadn't fallen in love with the OM and claimed there were no feelings at all- more of an escape from reality. They cut off contact and he's never tried contacting again. We're at 4 months and things are much better and while I think of it everyday I'm not dwelling on it.

3 Hearts

@whyOwhy that is great to hear. I love hearing about hope. Happy for you.

This does give a little bit of hope..

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@anora81 hope is always good. How are you?

This is good to know. I like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

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@dogsx6 It has been true for me. But I am far from ok, healed and forgiveness. It is a work in progress. But I do feel less spinning out of control and my emotions have settled a bit. I still have triggers, bad days and doubt. But hope as well. Hope is good! I like to feel good! I want to feel good!

I know I am going to get hell for this but a little "bridge relationship" can be a good thing if you can find the right person. Someone to talk with, companionship, and a much intimacy as YOU want. It works if the bridge knows they are just that.

@Sgerard you are not going to hell for that. Do what you need to do to take care of you.

It can be a bit nasty if the other person doesn't get it or it becomes more for them. In my case OW she went crazy but it was all fair I was honest.

1 Heart

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