My boyfriend came up for the football game which was great. We went on a date the night before and he took me out to dinner. I had Fun at a restaurant and didn't freak out :). But that night we had a big talk. I talked about every truth about my eating disorder, things I have never shared with another person. Things that go through my head, my body distortion, everything. I cried, and he finally understood. He is so supportive in every way. Its the hardest thing I have ever done so far.
The next day, however, depression washed over me... though he was here, i was in a horrid mood. Upset at such minuscule things. He just tried to reason with me and make me feel better. The depression is the worst part.
Today, he had to go home. We went out to brunch before he left. I ate funny, I was in a bad mood. I picked at all my food. It was bad behavior. When he left I wanted the bad energy out and I worked out. I didn't go over, I had eaten, I was good. Only bad thing- I went to the scale when I was done. Surprise- I wasn't upset. Yes I had gained from summer, it was only to be expected with constant eating and since the nurse always told me I had gained. I figured I had gained a ton at the way the nurse kept telling me. But it wasn't and I am fine. I am happy I have overcome the number today. Hopefully I can over come the other emotions ED forces upon me day by day.
allee wow this is amazing!!!!!!! i am so proud. i know we have our ups and downs---i was sad today for sure--while i was happy yesterday. then agiani have my period so what else is new???? LOL.
im so glad you accepted the number and didnt let the scale bug you! that is wonderful! that dumb ole nurse!!!!!! hahahha what did she know????
You did great ! And fighting everyday you win an extra day to be happy and enjoying life !!
Us , with ED s ... have no choice ... u must deal with this everyday until we start be natural with food and remove him from our head ! We must learn to tolerate our thoughts of .. being fat ... eating to much - when we eat right etc ...
I know that this is a long procedure and just time with make ED go away !
I am sad too , and sometimes I feel that only I know how it s like ... and I bearly can help myself not to cry when I dont know when it will end ...
But we have no choice than be happy with what we rae now !
this is a whole lot of achievements in just one weekend, i'm so so proud of you. i hope you make yourself aware of what you have accomplished. look at it and you'll realize how much more you can do and how badly you gonna beat that **** ED. it doesn't stand a chance against you, not anymore, especially now that your boyfriend knows and understands. so even in tough times he'll be there for you as will we but most importantly you now look out for yourself!!!
Allee....can you tell that your perspective is becoming more self-aware, open, and less restricted in terms of your views?
I can! Thank you for sharing. Your weekend was a mix of truths and emotions, but you did some brave things. Give yourself credit girl, and make today an even better day!! HUGS...Jan ♥
Those cathartic moments of soul-baring always bring on depression for me, too. ♥ It'll pass... And you'll feel renewed and strengthened... The emotions really take a toll as they pass through us... :0/ Hang in there, sweetie! You did a GREAT thing! ♥