Well something has gone right for a change. I came up with two what I thought were reasonable proposals for paying my stbx the rest of the money I agreed to. I figured if he would accept one of them, I would move forward and do the divorce myself like I planned. Well, it didn't go well at first and he wouldn't agree to the first one. We even ended up hanging up. He gets me so ticked off. To complicated to explain. But then I got myself together and called him back with the 2nd proposal. After some conversation, he lowered the amount. I was shocked, but you don't know what this guy is going to do. So I'm going to pay him out of an ira and move forward. He's been paying some of the bills since he left. He paid some other things for 2019. I can justify paying him off since I'll save the cost of the lawyer. I believe it would cost $15,000 or probably more and it would be horrible. If you can't get thru the face to face with him and the lawyers, you relinquish control to some judge. That scares me because he has nothing to loose and I have plenty to loose. So I feel confident that this is the best way to go.
If you feel good about it and you feel it's the best route, it probably is. Sometimes, we have to leave something on the table to get our peace and freedom. Best of luck!
The peace of mind of getting out of it sooner can be a very good thing. Keep some phone numbers for attorneys just in case.
@daisy182 I certainly will. I still have some from a year ago.
@mmadwaite When I first started reading your post I was thinking, "no, no...don't give him any more money." But as I read on, what you said made a lot of sense. My ex didn't want us to go before the judge because he knew he'd have to pay more alimony for a longer period of time and probably more child support, too. Although I might get more alimony and child support, I didn't want to go before the judge either. My lawyer was sure the judge would make us go ahead and sell the family home and my son wanted to live there until he graduated high school. In fact, I agreed to less alimony so my ex would stop threatening to sell the house.
What I'm trying to say, I believe you've made a very smart decision to settle up with your ex rather than pay the lawyers. I'm glad you'll be able to do the divorce yourself. And, you're right, having that peace of mind is worth millions! I'm very happy for you!
@GirlKitty You are not alone. So many people have told me “Don’t give him any more money.” I’ve had to get past the anger and do what I think will work out best, even for him. He’s really a strange person. He tries to be a good guy, but he can’t control his emotions. He’s paid many of the bills since he left. He told me he’s been down to $29 in his checking account trying to pay all of the bills. He denied the horrible things he said to me to get me to sign the agreement. I think he has Dissociative Identity Disorder because he frequently denies things he says. He totally bullied me into signing that agreement. There is still a part of me that loves him. People don’t understand how that’s possible, and think I should have moved on by now. I really haven’t. I don’t know if I ever will. Getting this whole thing over should help.
Having just gotten through it, my attorney fees were just about $15K. My ex slightly higher. It frustrates me how much of our money was spent on attorneys. It’s a smart thing to try and negotiate and save some money
@Torch1976 These were my feelings exactly. I thought a divorce attorney would be $10,000 to $20,000, and possibly $15,000 if everything went smooth. If I went with a lawyer, I don’t think it would have gone good. The lawyers would get all of the money we were fighting over.
I ordered a companion book to do the divorce. It has the instructions and you really do want to get it right. There are several pieces that need to be done, sent, and delivered. They told me about the book at the court house where I submit the forms. This is a short term marriage with no children and we 100% agree on the property split and money. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a good idea.
Having no kids involved makes it much easier to settle out. Good luck, it takes a lot of patience to get fully finished. It is an awful experience, be well