Have you ever been so disrespected for years, like your lower than scum that you get tired of it? I live with my fiance and his parents since the economy got rough. I've never been able to live down the fact that this is not a home and am constantly reminded that I "don't live here". Yet I try to bite my tongue and keep 'respect' going. Yet there is none for me. I do chores, help out, and do anything I can to be of help yet things are worse. I feel like the disrespect has gone to worse. Its like I'm being "**** on" all of the time now. I'm still in school trying to get my degree and am working part time. We cannot yet afford our own place. But is there a limit to how much someone can take?
Hi mysticalmoonray,
My name is Conny and I just saw this post and know exactly how you feel. I have been married for 26 years and found out about 6 yrs ago from getting really sick that the people I considered my family including my daughter and husband didn't care about me or that I was sick and needed their help. It was like, well she cant do anything for me anymore so she is worthless, That was my though process then and still that way sometimes. They just left me alone way in the country for 14-16 hrs a day for years without helping me at all other than getting me drinks or dinner at 8 PM. I couldn't even walk or sit, yet had to get to docs myself to figure out what was wrong, they didn't know, so had to research and figure it out myself, then go to the correct doc. But I didn't get ANY help from them and couldn't barely drink because I would have to drag myself to the bathroom to not walk because the pain it caused. So I didn't get help from them and the docs made me worse until I found what I had, got tested, came up positive, and then had my family all come up positive from a childhood summer home we visited every year. They still treat me differently because this disease is controversial and political and so I don't get respect for the pain and other weird symptoms connected to it. Still cant get treatment because no docs close and no insurance and no money anymore from trying to figure out what was wrong and from my husband spending on stupid stuff and not saving or helping with even paperwork to get SSD. Even now still don't have medicare because of that lack of help I needed from him.
Enough about me, the reason I wanted to answer your post is that all this happened to me and I kept asking myself why what did I do? Am I so worthless that they just didn't lift a finger because they were right, I am worthless? Actually I wasn't even asking myself I knew I was worthless, how can that many people feel that way and it not be true. I still wrestle with those feelings all the time, but I learned a few things with this illness that I am trying to keep in my head and repeat to myself over and over. I learned that I am not worthless this disease makes me need people yes, but they are the ones that are worthless not being there for me when I NEEDED them. I was there for them when they needed me, so how could it be me that is worthless??? I still try to be there for people when I can, even now after all they didnt do for me, so no way am I the one that is worthless. I do think I learned much of those thoughts of my worthlessness as a child and have carried them with me, so I am trying and maybe only succeed every other day now, to let them go. But every day gets better and I believe it more and more the more I listen to myself and the logic of it.
Those people that don't respect in return to your help and your respect for them are the worthless ones. Think about it. If you are helping them yet they are not doing anything in return who logically IS the worthless ones? Take your feelings and stuff them down for just one minute and ask yourself that question. You will get the correct answer every time, if you remove the hurt for that time and think about it like Spock from Star Trek would (if you know what I am talking about there...lol). People who are helpful and respectful are not worthless. People disrespectful and unappreciative are worthless and tell yourself that over and over again.
I do still feel worthless sneak into my thoughts often and feel that way a lot because even on the internet I get negative reactions or where people just ignore me and my posts and I tell or ask myself again what is wrong with me? But then I pull back from the pain (even something so little because it is that worthlessness pain again) and logically think about what the internet can be like. It is like people behind the steering wheel of a car, their whole personality can change. They can be a totally different person online than if you were to meet them face to face. It is kind of funny really how close they are related thinking logically for my minute, so then I let the feelings out again and ask myself are they correct? No they can't be, not if I think of it logically, it is their problem and I am not going to hurt myself by blaming myself for their behavior, and because those people have "road rage" AKA "net rage"....lol. Weird example but facebook made me think that way last week, because people seem so thoughtless there and it is funny because I was thinking "what is wrong with me" the other day about it, what is wrong with me that people just ignore me? So I took my minute of logic and thought about it, I am not going to go there anymore and expect anyone to be as I would want them to be (it is unrealistic for one) and I will just post to the few people I actually know that care and heck with the rest. I am not going to ask what is wrong with me anymore, because I know most of those people don't care and so if I believe myself with the bad thoughts then I will get hurt and it is silly for me to be hurt over that. Just look at what people do to me when I am personally involved with them and they hurt me, why should I expect anyone else to be any better? But it speaks of them not of me, they are making their choises and I am making mine and mine is to know that I can not blame myself for their actions or inactions. This is very minor as an example but it really did hurt me a lot at first because the thoughts of myself being worthless is so deep that it hurt deeply even though it was JUST facebook.
I am not trying to be bossy, hope you dont feel that way, but I am just trying show you how it effects me even minor stuff because that thought is so deeply believed inside myself that anything can spark it now. And I wanted to show you mt way of dealing with it, that may help you deal with your feelings of worthlessness, in turn it can help you deal with his family without you getting hurt by them with those negative thoughts.
As I said I am only good at it about every other day still and I am 46, and it is hard because you learned from somewhere, to blame yourself and it is deeper than those people. You need to be thinking of a way in which they arent hurting you. Getting rid of those feelings of worthlessness and blaming yourself other people's actions is exacly what I do so I am just hoping that telling you how I am learning to deal with them will help you. I may get pummeled on this next statement (Sorry folks) but many people are jerks, they ask how are you (they don't really want to know), they walk by you and never say excuse me if they bump you (they don't care about your feelings of disrespect) but it is OK, it does not speak of you at all see? It speaks of them. You are not worthless because some else chose to be rude or thoughtless. You are worth as much as everyone else and more than those who treat you worse than you treat them. Remember to remind yourself often that you are a good person all the time. You can learn this faster than I did I bet because I am guessing you are still very young. I was just taught this from a councilor last year and never thought that way before. But I am trying now to think about myself this way. People don't care because that is how they are not because how you are. And it does help a lot and maybe it will help a little to know Logically from out of your feelings who is REALLY the worthless ones.
I hope I helped without being bossy. I tried to show you examples of me and my feelings so you could see how it works. One more thing is it takes time for you to believe yourself. So dont think you will feel better instantly but think about that there could be a light at the end of the tunnel and you will feel better just knowing you can go forward.
Hugs,
Conny