What do I do now

It has been 7 weeks since his death. each day hurts as much as the day before. I keep thinking I should find some friends to go out to coffee with, but do not know how to do that.

He used to make me feel beautiful, but now all I feel is old and washed up. Almost too afraid to go out side. I don't know why, but it is hitting me all over again...how lonley I am without him, how I have very few people I can lean on. Can't seem to find groups locally to deal with this.

I just feel like my life is over. tried writing a business plan for something we had planned, but all I can do is cry while typing it.

does anybody have any suggestions on what to do besides medications to help me through this very rough spot.

I dont have alot of advice, I do unfortuntely understand totally. My husband, the love of my life passed away July 1st. He would have been 65 July 25th. We were getting ready for retirement and all that would mean. Now I am left to plan it alone and I cant. I try and I just end up either mad, or crying. Some people have told me to go to a doctor for meds, but honestly if I was not acting this way, then I would be crazy! This man was my life for over 34 years. I think I have to just be as sad or as mad or as anything else I need to be right now and keep the faith that in time it will all get easier. I think that might be what you need too, just give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel for now. 7 weeks is not a very long time in my opinion.

Ladies,

Seven weeks isn't very long. Its not long since July 25th either. Everything takes time.

Coffee sounds like a very good idea for both of you.

Keep in mind it is okay to feel what you are feeling and cry when you feel the need. Even if you don't feel the need and just cry.

My husband has been gone over four years. I still cry. I was a bit more fortunate than a lot of others. My son was 10 when my husband passed away. I was able to focus on him. My daughter was 26. They both needed me. My daughter talked me into going back to school. Imagine that. Almost exactly 30 years after I had graduated high school.

Although neither of you feel like it, it is true that you need to get out. As long as you are idle, time will stand still. I know y'all feel like your world is coming to an end as well. As a woman, y'all are stronger than you think.

Cry when the need arises. Find a friend to go to coffee or shopping with. Don't feel bad about crying and don't think "I should be over this by now", we never get over it. It does get a bit easier to think of our loved ones without crying. After this many years, I miss my husband tremendously still. But he is still in my heart and I see him when I look at my kids. It gets easier to talk about him without breaking down. When I would talk to his mom, I would start crying immediately even after a couple years. But I talk with her now and don't cry. There will always be a sadness for the the love that I lost.

Take things one minute at a time, then one hour, then one day, then one week. There is no time limit. Do things in your own time.

Hello Girls,
So sorry for your loss. I am a widower of 23 years now, so I know the things you are going through. I am also a counsellor. I know from my own experience that you take quite some time to come out of the dark place you are in now, but you do. Slowly you become able to feel happiness again, and the sadness subsides. Maybe we just get used to feeling sad and it no longer wears away at us. Finding your own self again is the hardest part I found. Being a "shared identity" for so long means you are a personality with many of the quirky traits and attitudes of your missing partner. As these fade and you become more your original self you can`t remember who that person was. You only have memories of a younger self. This means that this time is also a growing and changing time in your life, but just as you honour the memories of your lost partner, you still have those years as a keepsake to take with you as you become the next you. Love. G.

G.

Good words. I think that is what I miss the most. Finishing each others sentences. Knowing what your partner wanted before he even asked.

I was married for so long it had been very difficult to get back to me. Especially when you were married for half of your life. I'm actually still trying to figure out "me"! But it will come and I don't feel guilty or bad about it. So even after four plus years things still change and I'm still growing as old as I am.

I do tend to find that dark place at times as well. I'm not happy about it but there are times. Not as many now though.

You have good things for us to think about in your words.

Sharon

Am I wrong for not wanting to change? I was sexually abused, as bad as it gets, from age 11. My abuse continued until moved clear across the country at age 18 to live with my older sisters. When I met my husband I was 19 and not looking for a man in my life. He was so gentle, so patient, so loving, he completely won me over. I moved in with him before my 20th birthday. I am now 54 so I had much more than half my life with my husband. I grew up, grew strong, grew confident, grew trusting, all with and because of who my husband was. I dont want to start that process all over again. Im scared and not afraid to admit it. God I miss him so much “hurt” doesnt begin to describe it.

love the words of wisdom not sure i can reinvent me thou but happy to give it a try

love D

It is so very hard to let go. It is a long and painful process. Society seems to tell us we should hurry up with our grieving and move on but it takes a a tremendous amount of time and effort. When we lose our husband, we also lose all our dreams and plans for the future. It is hard to look ahead. I was married for 37 years. In all that time my husband and I discussed and made most decisions together. Suddenly, I was faced with thinking totally on my own and found I could not even do that. Widowhood is a whole new scary lonely world that you have been introduced into. It hurts and it will take time to learn how to navigate in that world. Be patient with yourself. Crying is certainly okay;it helps to release some of the pain. Hospice offers a great program that may be of help to you. Many churches also offer support groups that might help. It is good to get out and talk to women in a similar situation. The added bonus will be meeting new people that will understand. Good luck to you.