What have your experiences with jealousy been? i get numb

what have your experiences with jealousy been?

i get numb, and can't help but feel like a sh!tty person for being so jealous over seemingly nothing. i'm so possessive and selfish. i feel so empty.

vent from last night about it:

i want to dig my nails into my skin
i hate jealousy
i hate feeling jealous
i hate when he talks to other people, i hate when he thinks of other people
i don't want to meet them, i just want you
fu!ck your other friends, i'm all that matters
i just feel numb. numb and enraged.
i feel empty
he doesn't see me that way
i want him to love me
i want to be all he thinks about, all he needs
i don't want to share him, i want all of him
he's mine
mine, okay?
god i get so jealous, so territorial
i hate it
i can't be normal
can't let him go
i love him
i love him so much
please make it stop
i want to stop feeling jealous
i'm okay
i'm okay
i won't do anything
i can't
he'd be sad
and disappointed
he'd blame himself
i can't give myself the satisfaction of pain
i don't deserve it

(these were mostly written as individual messages into my vent channel)

1 Heart

@ruin4eternity Pay attention to me, and just me.
I so understand were your coming from,friend.
I ended a 6.5 year online friendship, this year, with a female.
She got a bf, and that is all she would talk about.
I am so over her.

1 Heart

@godlovesus got not go.