What I Picture ED to Look Like

Hello, my sweet online freinds...this post is from a reply on Jens post--about Molly's question to what I picture ED to look like. And I thank Molly for giving me this question cause this is so helpful in fighting ED.

I picture ED as a woman who is dressed in Prada head to toe with matching shoes and handbag. She is wretchedly confident in her black silken dress and black stiletto heels and handbag. She has long shiny straight blonde hair, peircing blue eyes, full red lips and high cheekbones that are sunken in. Her face is model perfect.

But, as you look closer at her, she looks and smells of death. She is bone thin and urges you to be just like her. She convinces you she is better than you and hisses at you and hypnotizes you to be bony and cool like her (and like all of the Medai and TV/ movie personalities.)

I see her as a wretched fashionista --like a fashion designer who belittles me all day cause I look healthy and not skinny like them. She wants me to look unhealthy and rail thin like her and her cool friends. She oozes eveil and conceit. She is a she-devil.

I am not cool if I dont look like her--I am a worthless nobody and Ill never be happy or loved if I dont look like her.

She is the pinnacle of beauty( although a skeleton).
And I'm not good enough and fat.

She is one of those self centered ***es on TV/movies who claim you have to be super thin to be beautiful. And that I'm fat cause I'm not thin enough.

In fact I see the face of ED when i turn on the TV, movies, magazines--all telling me I'm nobody and that they are better than me. On magazines they keep insisting I loose weight or I'll be made fun of! And that I have to be like them or I'll be ugly.

Oddly, these rich superficial girls when you look past the perfect hair and clothes---look like skeletons.
They look like holocaust survivors.
They look like death.

So how can that be beautiful?

It is not --it is a look of disease and it aint pretty by a long shot. It is UGLY.
Looking like a walking corpse is DISGUISTING.

Health and life is beauty.

So may that ***** ED, that cool fashionista , drop dead and rot in the pit of hell. And stop brainwashing me to be someone else, and leave me to be who I am---the size that is right for me.

I want to be different, a healthy individual , not a sickly dying shallow fashionista whose only ability is to talk about her clothes.

May you sqirm in your own dirt ED , and may i not try to impress you or others who think that this "skinny" look is attractive.

Now that i know what you look like and who you are I can strangle your *** much more powerfully....

So watch out....ED.


I would like to thank Molly who inspired this that which was very helpful to me, and hopefully others...
THANKS friend!!!!!

Hi Christa - that is so funny. I never pictured Ed as a woman - and you gave me a paradigm shift. I can relate to your thoughts though - although some of what you mention on how Ed looks seems to be what people think of me. If they only knew what lurks underneath.

To me - Ed is the meanest guy I have ever dated. Well - and that might be a difficult one to calculate b/c there were so many BS (AKA before Sean). Ed is an emotionally abusive asshole that makes you never feel good enough. A biological father who is disengaged and non-existent. A f-cking asshole that never leaves you alone. That stalks you and doesn't take no for an answer. That orders your dinner for you at a restaurant - b/c you don't have the skills and aren't smart enough. The narcissitic asshole that thinks he is better than you will ever be. Ed to me symbolizes everything I have sought to defy - and have succeeded - with the exception of food.
And Ed will get the f-ck out - every day when I kick the crap out of him in my workout. And hopefully - my daily ass-whoopins will be enough to keep him at bay - for now -until he becomes like 'Earl' - the 'guy nobody missed at all. Bye Bye Earl'. And Ed.

thanks eobrein…it is sooo interesting how we all have different ‘faces’ of ED. so intriguing how the images in our minds are–quite different yet so destructive…
i picture ED as a woman i wish and long to be—so that i can change who i am–but i know i cant do that…and should not…
i guess i cant see ED as a man cause well, so many men have told me they dont like the anorexic skinny look–so i had trouble thinking a man would say these things in my head, so i made her a woman, but you know what??? maybe ED is unisex…wow, so many thoughts on that one…

yes Ed is an abuser —i hear a lot of my moms voice in my negative thoughts…and it is like an abusive relationship i cant get out of…like an addiction…
it is interesting looking back on when i was really starving last year—since i have been almost 5 months in recovery…how now i feel very detached from ED altogether…yet it does bash my mind. it tries to take over sooo much yet i dont give in. ok—a few times i did relapse but for breif periods…
i was havign such a battle with ED this weekend, man, i couldnt believe it…i mean it wouldnt stop…but i didnt give in…and dont let it stop my recovery…

yes, ED is an abusive relationship and if you ever have been abused (parents/past boyfreinds) you can her that person’s voice ringing in your head…so many layers of ED

thanks so for yur reply!!!

and keep ED bashing…


Well,,,,,,, I guess I opened up the can of worms.... what facinates me is how powerful this image is to people. The way you see ED is an expression of all the anger, fear and self loathing you feel ED has caused you Maureen. Interstingly I picture ED as a "Martha Stewart" type of women who is all knowing, perfect at everything she does and has a condesnging attitude towards me. (Sorry Martha Stewart lovers, she really is talented, I don't know why I see her face but I do). Like an angry judgemental mother. She is not necessarily thin or pretty, just judgemental and demanding. That is what ED looks like to me.


oh my lord molly --martha stewart --oh thats funny—hahahaahaha…

well not funny but you know what i mean… yes—i definetly see ED as my moms condescending voice also…judmental and demanding…

thanks sooo much freind!! and thanks for starting this!!!you know it really did help me…pinpoint who ED was for me…

thanks so for your image and thoughts…

talk to you later…



Hahahahaha!! I already shared my own vision. :) Like Erica, my Ed is a mean man... A "disengaged" father figure... Oooohhh.... I like that, Erica!! Soooo accurate! ♥

Good post!! Thanks for sharing!! :)


your welcome jen, it really was beneficial to me to 'see' her or him ---so i know how to conquer it and what is the cause of it..all...

i am glad i wrote this, it did help me today A LOT.

thanks my friend!!!!

now my head is killing me, must sleep..ughhhhhh