I'm 44, great career, no debt, raised two successful girls ... then my life fell apart as I remembered more abuse from my childhood that I had successfully buried deep for years. We moved to another state (following my hubby's job) and watched my baby girl leave home and then my depression started growing. I ended up trying to kill myself and landed in the psych ward to be diagnosed with major depressive disorder and PTSD. I have a great Dr and therapist and have been in treatment for two months now and thought I was getting better until I lost it this week. I have fits of rage and anger that I've never felt before and I yell at my hubby. I yelled at two people where I volunteer because they were being "back-stabbing females" gossping about me and everyone else. I got myself so worked up today that I packed my bags, went to the bank and withdrew 1/2 our money, and found myself on the highway heading to ---- who knows where. I was in a panic and wanted to run from everything and everyone. I think a lot about how I could surive living on the streets. How much money could I get for my car and just hide the cash somewhere so I can have it if needed. I don't really want to run away but there are times I really think I'd prefer to live in a cardboard box in the park and eat at the church homeless diner. Who thinks like that? I totally lose my sense of reality a lot now. I'm ready to quit my job because I don't want to embarass myself or get fired. What's wrong with me? I'm scaring my husband so bad he's afraid to leave me alone. I scare myself! HELP!
Now 37 minutes after my first post, I feel embarassed and ashamed ... like fleeing from this site because no ones felt compelled by my jabber to make a comment. How self-centered and sickening is that? I am pathetic.
Dear Lost, please don't feel embarassd and ashamed!! You are going through alot and it's ok to talk about it!! You are safe here and this place is amazing. The hardest part of these boards, though, is that it's a huge place and there are many many people and then it's a problem sometimes with the different time zones etc.... SO, I'm sorry that you are suffering, but I'm very glad you found us!!!
Keep posting and you will be seen and heard!! Welcome to support groups!! We are SO glad you are here so you can begin to find comfort and support. I am certain that you will be hearing from some amazing people here!! Please don't feel ashamed!! There is NO reason for you to feel that way!!! Let me know if I can do anything to make you more comfortable!!
Sending welcoming hugs, Suzee
Hello,
I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed, i get there also. I can see by what you wrote you just aren't happy. When you aren't happy you do all sorts of strange things. Since you have a doc and therapist tell them they may need to change your mediiine so those ugly things don't pop up.
You have lots of good things you wrote about so enjoy and be proud of them.
Some drugs can make you mad, side effects. I know how crappy it feels i've felt like quitting myself. But now i refuse to quit. Quitting is easy fixing the problem can be hard as hell.
So pick a nice EASY project you like when you feel terrible and you;ll find yourself concentrating on that. Then a little harder little speps. Pick something hard and you will get frustrated and mad and quit. So baby steps.
And DO tell you doctor what you feel like and that you lash out for no reason. Personally i think your medicine needs adjustments. I know they did that to me so i don't bounce off the walls..
Remember even though you are annonymous here (except me i use my real name). it took courage to post.
Last their are so many posts and you wrote during the day and people work. Don't feel bad if you don't get an immediate response. People listen it can just take some time. if i hadn't hurt myself i wouldn't have seen you until tonight either.
So in a nut shell, talk to your doctor on what you are going through and DON'T quit. They will find out what to give you, hell i felt like a science project for awhile LOL.
hang in there, bye for now