What if my jealousy of other girls' looks and comparing myself to them was just masking my attraction to them? Now that I'm no longer jealous, is my attraction to them being realized?
Why did I find my friend's eyes pretty today? I don't feel as panicky but I still don't like this garbage. In the first few months of this issue I was able to recognize that these thoughts were not mine; I felt possessed. But now these thoughts seem to be coming from myself. Is this still ocd?
I have the exact same thing! In the beginning the fearful response of your body and the anxiety lets you know that something is up... and you know that you don't want it... But when you get further into the coping process of the HOCD and the unwanted thoughts, your physical response becomes less..... this sometimes can make you believe that it's not HOCD, but I've been told that this is called the 'Backdoor Spike'....
Here's a piece about it:
"When you are combating OCD well and are accepting all possibilities of the thoughts, you will eventually get the thoughts that used to scare you so much and not react with anxiety at all. In doing this, you realise you’re not reacting with anxiety and trying to deny the thought any more:
Cue “what if this means this is true?!” “what if I’ve just accepted it and I AM gay because I’m not getting anxious?!” "
Hope this helps! I feel the exact way... but part of this means you're on the right way!!
1 Heart
Stop giving these thoughts that much power!! You are better than giving in to every tiny thought you get. If you need to write it down, write it on a piece of paper and shred that afterwards