What if my relationship with my boyfriend is a bad fit? Perh

What if my relationship with my boyfriend is a bad fit? Perhaps the wrongness of my relationship caused ROCD and HOCD? Maybe I don't love him and he is the source of my anxiety? I realize that this sounds like OCD but it's a legitimate concern. It seems like I can never just be happy.

Did your ocd start during your relationship or already before it? And were you happy with him before the ocd striked?

hi bria. i read your post and you know if i wasnt so drained from this hocd that iv got i would've come up with a more gentle and helpful way to say what i wana say to you and i know how much of a **** i sound like right now and im sorry if i do cz i really dont mean to. so here goes. i know that that what if question sounds valid and legitimate but the truth is it it only feels that way cz of your ocd. thats what it does. it tries to find any excuse to make you doubt and its relentless at it. im sorry for sounding so unhelpful but thats what it looks like from my point of view and yes ocd's gonna ask you what if im wrong so i'll rephrase that to thats definately what it is.ocd trying to screw with you again.

message me whenever. i have the same problem

i didnt comment all that i wanted to last night cause i was really really tired but i had the same problem as well before i knew about obsessions. i broke up w my bf 4 times because of it and always went back. i was v uneasy on coming back cause of the intrusive thoughts but now im happy ( even though my brain is bothering me about it rn) w him. try to get a therapist asap cause it really does affect the relationship

@anxietyohthefun I’m not sure if this is ocd, but when we were both in University and studying for exams, I would get so stressed out that the tone of his voice or his seemingly disinterested or distracted behaviour would make me question our relationship, I would get frustrated and break up with him. I did that sooo many times and about half an hour later I would regret it and knew it wasn’t what I wanted and would immediately call him back apologizing. Or, one time I was sitting next to him on the couch while watching a movie and I kept having the urge to say I want to break up. I also used to have to compare him to other guys to see if he was normal, or if I’d watch a show about a possessive and abusive boyfriend, I’d start to worry my boyfriend would be the same way once we lived together. I also used to always have to ask him if he loved me and if he was going to cheat on me. I dreamt about him cheating on me quite a few times. I’d always explain away my behaviour by saying that I just feel really insecure and joke that I’m crazy (joking that I’m crazy is kind of our thing now when I ask or say irrational things). It even came to the point where I started to manipulate my questions as to not look so needy when I was worried that he didn’t love me - I’d ask him how much do you love me as opposed to do you love me… but the end goal was the same… I wanted to know if he still loved me. I used to ask my friends for reassurance all the time in regards to whether they thought he loved me and I him. My emotions were like a roller coaster ride: one week he’d really annoyed me and I wasn’t sure if we were meant to be, then the next I worried that he didn’t love me, then the following week I loved him a ND everything was fine and beautiful, and then the week after that I felt indifferent? But it was just constantly up and down and my emotions and feelings about him generally coincided with my hormonal changes… my friend admitted that she could tell when I was getting my period… I know women with ocd have a more difficult time when pmsing… maybe not all. I started to question when to know I’ve you’re supposed to break up : I’d imagine breaking up with him over and over again until I cried and knew I couldn’t break up with him. My boyfriend is great, a really good guy and he’s put up with a lot from me but he’s still with me after eleven years… but I’ve put myself through hell while in this relationship which is no fault of his… I recognize it’s all me… but I don’t know if it’s ocd related or just not a good relationship for me despite the greatness of him. I know in my good moments that I feel we are just right for each other… that he was made just for me hahaha… but I don’t know. I know I’m looking for reassurance by telling you all this stuff… reassurance that its ocd and that my relationship is right. Sorry!

Please don't do this mistake ! I was with my gf for 2 years and had a bad case of hocd that lead to rocd (like I was too gay to love her anymore) I broke up with her and nothing has changed.. Still struggling with hocd and now I'm alone !
It is all in your head.
The brain is powerful enough to make you feel like it was all a lie !
I now question if I was ever attracted to girls (I prefer chubby girls and because of that I never felt the "**** I want her" when my friend were talking about sexy girls)

Usually there's some sort of emotional conflict behind ocd. I think the most common ones are fears. Like fear of trusting someone and then get abandoned or fear of being yourself and people wont like you and you end up alone etc. It's good that you have noticed that you keep seekin reassurance from others cause that's a compulsion you really need to get rid of to help your anxiety in the long run:)

@Precious. Are you saying this isn’t ocd?

Yeah exactly:) like for an example in my case it seems like Im afraid of letting my parents down and not being loved by any man (my relationships with men hasnt ended up too well). I also have a big fear that something bad will happen to my family. That they'll die or have cancer or something. That makes it hard for me to trust myself and being fully independed and confident and also trust men. One side of me wants to but the other one is too afraid and that's the conflict. It has apparently been so big and frightening thing for my brain to handle that it covers it with obsessions that are impossible to be solved and has been a way for me to deal with the uncertainty that all of my problems include. Cause once I have my compulsions succesfully done I feel safe for a while. Eventhough it doesnt lead anywhere cause it's a neverending cycle which my brain has created to cover the real source of the uncertainty. Im a bit tired so Im not sure if anything I wrote makes any sense, but Im willing to explain better if anyone would like to:)

1 Heart

@Precious. Hey! Just read this and felt I could relate. Can I private message you? Going to support you

@ah__94 Yeah sure:)

@Precious. I makes sense. I'm afraid of loss - loss of self, and loss of loved ones to death (hence my harm ocd) and loss of relationships with family, friends, my boyfriend, my puppy.... and it relates to my fixation on people not liking me for one reason or another. Right now I'm convinced my boyfriend's family doesn't like me.
Thanks for all your help and replies!

Do you even experience extreme annoyance with him as part of the cycle? The cycle was really bad but it's definitely lessened in the last few years.

1 Heart

yes. but i think thats normal anyway. boyfreinds are annoying lol i just think our obsession w the relationships make it a whole lot worse

I agree! If we are obsessing about the rightness of the relationship, being annoyed would seem like a reason not to be together.. which makes the issue a whole lot worse! Stupid ocd!

From Anxiety & Panic Disorders to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)