What ifs

I try to never ask my self "what if" because it will be the game that never ends. As most of you know I have been attempting to follow a meal plan for the past month or so. I am all over the place. I have days of barely anything to days with Way too much. Yesterday I had too little and today started out the same. Until I started binging a little - not full out but in a normal range of eating. I was feeling really down because I felt ashamed even though my numbers are fine. But I kept thinking "why do I keep doing this to myself- Binging starving". Then I asked my self the What If question.

"What if I just ate normal?" -HA if it could be that easy!!!

But seriously. If I ate normal
-I wouldn't obsess over food
-I wouldn't plan all my meals
-I wouldn't make myself weak from starving
-I wouldn't skip my meals and hear my tummy growl
-I wouldn't binge eat after starving
-I wouldn't feel guilty for binge eating because I WOULDN'T BE DOING IT
-I wouldn't want to purge
-I wouldn't ever purge!
-I wouldn't hate my body (I know when I am healthy I learn to love it and its flaws)

So then I asked myself "Why not?". And there is not legitimate true answer to why not.

I want to turn my What If to a Why Not! I can do this. I have been there before. Healthy, Happy, Loving, Kind, Energetic!!! I loved my body, my curves...I actually thought I was beautiful. And relapsing has turned that beauty I once saw, that happiness I once had, and those Curves that were Healthy and wonderful into a horrid nightmare. Thats not how I should live my life! :) I have only got one life. I wanna live it. SO I am going to try my hardest to change my What ifs to why not's :)

You can do it too


Thats a great attitude Allee...you CAN do this. One small step at a time. Look at each meal, each snack, each counselling session as a small step towards a life of happiness, health and freedom. A life full of love and joy. A life that you deserve. One thing that I have done that has really helped me is I have listed a whole lot of things that I will gain from being free of this ED, a whole lot of things that I will gain from being healthy again. They range from: the ability to have a family and enjoy the family I have at the moment through to having nicer hair and nails. I have stuck this on my wall and everytime I dont want to eat a snack or meal, every time I feel full or bloated or want to give up I go into my room, close the door and read (sometimes out loud) all of these things that I am working towards. Sometimes I close my eyes and visualise what it would be like to have these things. It has been really helpful, it has kept me focused on what I am fighting for and it has helped me through some difficult times. You could try this, or something similar. All the best, let us know how you get on :-)

I love this idea Alle :) Sounds like you've got you're head in the right place :) ...and it's true...normalized eating DOES get rid of the binging :)

yeah I am trying to have my head in the right place. It kind of bounces around like seventeen times a day. I try to write down positive things for the moments i bounce back down.

And if I could only figure out that normal eating thing, things would be fantastic haha.


i agree that its great to focus on what will change ONCE not if we stop b/p. i read a book about clean eating over the weekend and it say "INFINITE PLEASURE will result from a healthy and fit physique." i agree with that statement - we ALL would be sooooooooo much happier if we just stopped this b/p!

Caroline :)

Allee..you are working so hard. Please try to rely on the structure of your meal plan to help you interrupt the chaotic cycle. Please continue to share your thoughts and feelings...we are all here for you!! Jan ♥