What is a wife to do?

I’ve been married for six year and my husband just had a baby girl **** wtf. My whole world is upside down and I don’t know what to do. Half of me wants to leave so bad but the other half wants to stay cause I still love him. But the thing about it is that his not giving me reasons to stay with him. I can’t go to my family with this and my friends all think I’m crazy for being with him. We’re been together now nine years. I writing but I’m also crying my heart hurts so much and what hurts the must is that we don’t have any kids and he loves the baby so much. What should I do?

Oh sweetie,
I am so sorry for your pain. Has your husband apologised? Is the affair over? Was it a one night thing?

I think you need some time for yourself. You can't watch while your husband is all dotey over a new baby. Yes maybe he loves the child, but that has nothing to do with the mother.

Ye have a lot of communicating to do. But you need to sort your head out and see what you want too.

Here is you want to talk
Love to you
MG x

yes he said he was sorry but his not acting like it. we got into a fight today and his not even home. i want to trust him but i cant dont know how to. it was a one night stand and the child mother wants to be with him and she has a man.its bad that thing wasnt good between us already and now the bady

Bunee, welcome to Supports Groups, have you discussed counseling w/your husband? There might be a chance to piece this back together slowly if all are willing. You will however go through a series of processes for whatever time frame it takes, there is no SET length to go forward in life for any of us. This is NOT about YOU, its about HIM, the patterns are there from what you explain, so choose wisely my friend or it will be an on going emotionally price you will pay & I'm sorry for your pain & there IS a reason one chooses to surround themselves w/certain types of people, the answer is within. Talk when you feel like it.

Take care of you

April

thanks April but see i’m really trying to move forward but i’m so hurt and the more I try to talk to him it seems like he dont care.with him it’s either i deal with it and move on or walk away from the marriage. We try counseling a while back but he dont like it. he thinks we can work it out by ourself which is wrong to me. i pray and ask god to help me with this. i really dont know what to do.

My husband baby is coming over today for the first time and i'm not ready for that yet. I don't feel like I should leave my home but I also dont want to be hear with him and the baby.

Where as I admire you for your convictions on the relationship, I disagree with a person letting themselves be treated this way. If one has patterns of personality flaws, character issues/flaws & is directing them towards YOU or someone else (eventually the baby) then someone better look within themselves for the answers.

Example: If my 18yr. old son was w/a girl treating HIM that way, I'd have to wonder, WHATS wrong w/him, not the girl......

Do you have other options that you can apply or go somewhere else (I understand if you dont cause I dont either but am taking responsibility for my situation & other alternatives for my emotional well being).

Keep talking w/us so others can read & learn about themselves or other options/decisions, etc.

I'll be thinking of you

April

Something is wrong with me. i’m a person that love hard and think that family is everything. I got married to stary married and being that my husband has a baby makes it hard very hard for me to deal with. I do have places to go but why should i leave my home.

Hey Bunee,
Your husband doesn't seem to be considering your feelings at all here. I think you have some major decisions to make from your side. Your trust has been broken, you can't just "get over" that, and with his lack of understanding this is not helping.

He should be breaking his back to try and make things right. It's ok to love his child but to be very cautious of your feelings, like for example asking your permission to bring the child over, etc.

Hun, I think you need time to think about yourself and when ready you need to seriously communicate with him how bad this is for you.

Please don't stand on the sidelines remaining hurt, make your voice heard. You are a person in that relationship, you are half of it and you deserve respect.

Love to you hun
MG x

I’m am making my voice heard but i dont think that his is listening to me at times. it’s so hard to walk away after begin with someone for so long and the things we’ve been though over the years. My trust for him is gone and yes he has to work very hard to get it back.

Bunee

WELCOME!!If you decide to work things out with your husband then I think you two should look for counseling it is so important for him to be willing to go for the best in your relationship.

You also need to stay strong and just because you both don't have any babys dosen't mean he dosn't care for you.

Every relationship has up and downs but he has to be willing to take those extra step and change.

xoxo

ANA

he dont want to go to counseling cause we tried it in the past and he thinks it didnt help. My thing is if you’re willing to change then you should be willing to do what ever it take to make me happy. My marraige is so fuck up.This is not the life i wanted and dont need but cant and dont know how to walk away. talking to him is like talking to a wall. I’m trying to talk to him now and his getting upset with me like i did something wrong. I hate feeling this way about him and my marraige.

I've been married 19yrs, so one does have to go through a series of processes mentally (steps so to speak) & at least your beginning to do that so one step at a time, from what your saying though your coming out of the denial stage, & into the realization stage, but sounds like you've already hit the anger stage. You also have to look within as to WHY you would be/surround yourself w/someone/people like that, past history, genetic links, the way one IS raised.

I grew up knowing dat no matter what u make ur marriage work but to what point when is it enough.

Trust me people DONT like it when one starts to GET IT, my husband didnt either even after individual therapy years ago.......

Bunee,
Maybe it might be time for him to start sleeping in a different room. I don't think he realises how serious this issue is for you.

You are going through so much right now. i don't think you should have to leave your home, why should you. But in a marriage this is certain give and take. He has taken an awful lot from you and given nothing back.

It's time to take some power back. Are you going to therapy for yourself? It really helps to build confidence and strength and allows you to make better decisions for you.

I too am a believer of marriage for life...but not if that means a life of heartache, you only get one, so get the best out of it.

Keep talking hun
We are here for you
Love to you
MG x

No he doesn't see how serious this issue is for me. Last night I held the baby cause he didn't know what to do and that took alot of me to held a baby that my husband had with another women the baby stop crying as soon as i held her and everytime I wnet to give her back she would start crying. Last night was not good for me at all. No I'm not going to therapy that's why I join this group. What makes this even harder for me is that I didnt tell my family and we are very close but I know they would not be happy with him. I'm trying to take some power back. I think I'm a very strong person but this is killing me slow I never been though something like this before in my life and men this hard. I'm happy for groups like this because I really need people that understand what I'm going though and are welling to listen to what I have to say. So thanks everyone.

Hey Bunee,
I think you should tell your family. If you are very close they will stick by you, sure they won’t be happy with him for a while, but it is YOU who is struggling now, so don’t worry about that. Tell them you are looking for their support, not judgement…they will understand because they know and love you.

I do think you should seek therapy for yourself. Therapists can be very insightful and draw things out from you that always loomed under the surface and help you uncover them. My therapist has helped me to find an inner strength I didn’t realise i had. I do think you need this hun.

This is about concentrating on yourself and making you feel better, after that you can start to work out the rest as you go along.

We are always here to support you in anyway we can.

Love to you
MG x

Hi Bunee, I am so very sorry about your situation. I can definitely understand your feelings. You have to look out for yourself here. We are responsible for ourselves. So he won't do counseling with you. I suggest you seek counseling on your own with this. You start by seeing or calling your doctor for suggestions. Get help for you.

I have been married to the same man for over 24 years. We have lived together a total of 29 years. There have been lots of ups and downs but we made it through. If you two wish to have a marriage together then it is going to take two. But that decision is up to you both. If you are both interested in making your marriage work, maybe plan to take a mini vacation. Just a few days off somewhere alone just you two. If not right now, maybe do this in the near future. Heck, maybe you yourself could take a mini vacation just to have some time for yourself to get away from the situation and figure things out like what you really want.

Keep coming and sharing with us. We are all here for you. ((((hugs))))

He say he wants to be with me cause he love's me. becasue i dont trut him i cant believe him. marriage is hard and alot of work but when something like what i'm going though comes into play that makes it even harder. we do need to get away. i just pray in time things will get better.