What is better...
What do you think is it better to stay in a marriage that is so unhappy and fighting all the time or is it better to divorce and hope to give your children 2 seperate parents that may be happier apart? I have been married for 18 years I have 4 children 17-10 my husband and I fight always over money, household stuff, health issues, etc. I am really trying to decide if it is better to keep our family together and try to fix things or divorce and try to be a happier healthier mom? I really am at the point that I need to decide.
Thanks in advance!
Hey Sneeze, Have you tried counseling? There are a lot of great family counselers out there. I would suggest before you throw in the towel you seek help. Even if your husband doesn't agree to go, they can help you with this difficult dicision. You have a lot invested here, expcially with 4 school age children envolved, it is worth seeing what help is out there. Hugs, Raylene
I agree with Funny Face, maybe try marriage counseling. Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? if not i think you need to talk to him about your concerns. Do you two take time out for yourselves without the kids? perhaps you two need to have alone time where you can spend a lot of time talking through your problems, and make it more than just once, but do it weekly. Meeting with a counselor and someone that is neutral to your situation will help as well. Be sure to try these things before you make a decision. I think taking the time to make this decision with some help will help you.
what ever the outcome i know u wil have put a lot of thought and effort into the end result.
the others have some good ideas for u to try if u already havent.
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Hey guys thank you, ya know we have done a therapy session here or there, never consistent. I just do not want to have a marriage that we are staying together just for the kids kinda thing, does that make sense? We got married so young and so many things have happened over our marriage that should have brought us closer together but instead it has just built up a mountain of resentment, distrust, and a lot of anger. I am scared to death that as soon as our last child leaves home we will race to a lawyers to file divorce. My husband and I have no relationship at all, we both have a relationship with our children that is very separate from one another. I want to want to be with him and rediscover him as a friend because right now there is nothing there. And I do not know if we would be happier if we were divorced, I just kinda feel like we are so toxic to each other, I have a lot of hope that we can find each other again, but it has been so long since we have had a healthy relationship,
thanks for your advice and please send more lol
(((hugs)))
sneeze
hon i dont think i qualify to give advice i have had my man for more years than u get a life sentence, but mayb u could do some of the things u use to do when u were childfree or just spend five mins in light hearted chat.
re kindling fires is not easy but it sure could be fun having a go, get those stockings out and play vamp :)
could u not make a date with him? i tend to give my the old come on doesnt always work but always ends in laughter
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Hey Sneeze,
If you think you are in the marriage just for the kids then it should be finished. But if you think there is a real chance, I think dedicated therapy could help.
Remember your kids are in the middle of that fighting and if you decide divorce or not they will have both of their parents...the question is which is the peaceful option for them.
Love to you hun...I wish you well in whichever road you decide, keep checking in :)
Moongal x
re kindling fires is not easy but it sure could be fun having a go, get those stockings out and play vamp :) ROFL oh domestic thank you I needed a little laugh today!
Thank you guys so much for the advice everyone had such great stuff to say. I just never thought life would be quite like this, I hoped it would be easier and happier, that was so naive of me to think a happy marriage just happens, it requires so much work and sometimes you can just get to tired to care, or to un-motivated to make the changes that you may need to.
Hmmm well I need to really put a lot of time on this and really decide on what is the "best" thing
Thank you all again...
Kirstin
Kirstn, This is a life changeing decision for you and your children. I agree children can be better off coming from a broken home than living in one. Children can sence your unhappiness, and that can cause insecurities. I still feel getting counseling is best for either way you decide to go. Also remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. It can be a very lonely journey without a mate, and as bad as it may be now it could get worse with someone else. You never know anyone until you live with them and how they may treat your children. I will be praying for you and your family that the path you choose will be in his wlll, then I know it will be right. Hugs, Raylene
kirstin
you make a choice based on exploring every angle and u are right any type of relationship requires high maintainance.
funny face is right when she says the grass isnt always greener on the other side and MG is also right when she says the kids will have two parents still what ever u do.
tis a tough choice u face but keep posting and evaluating u will get there.
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
kristin-
i agree with domestic, don’t forget that just because you are a mom it doesn’t mean you are not a wife anymore, take time out for yourself with your husband without the kids. Have fun and communicate with him what you are thinking and feeling and see if you can’t get that spark back. try regular date nights where you are one on one. If you are not feeling it then you are not feeling it and its true kids always know when parents are unhappy, and they will be happy as long as you are, no matter what the outcome.
Trying would give you a sense of closure if it does end I think. Like if you end it but you never tried are you always going to wonder? If you try and it still ends you can always say I did everything I could and at the very least have a foundation to be effective co parents.
bear
i guess u try one last time its normal to fight sometimes in a marriage cos its lots of fun making up but i know that sometimes the ends dont meet which makes us worry and be unable to function as happy people
what is the worst part of the marriage and which is the best and u cant respond iwth the kids are the best part
i have found over the years it changes as the needs of the family change u need to adapt to them and embrace the new freedom u have found but are u doing that together we have grandkiddies now and its great to give them back but u have an older child who could baby sit for u for a while so u and hubby can get out and about even if its to the corner shop its adult time together
but good luck and be kind to u whilst u decide
love D
Bear,
I didnt read everything everyone told you but I just wanted to let you know my parents stayed together for years and they were always unhappy. I was the oldest and I always had to take care of my brothers and sister when my parents were fighting. I made up excuses for them, took my brothers in another room and played games with them, I played mom when my mother was too upset to take care of them.
When my parents were living in separate houses my brothers were so happy. They didnt have to deal with screaming matches or long awkard silences. I dont know everything about the situation of course, but I am 25 years old now and I can honestly say my parents should have gotten divorced before my brothers were ever born but they stayed together "for the children" and all 4 of us are bitter and have a lot less respect for our parents because we had to see it. My brothers side with my mom because they feel they have to protect her but all 4 of us would rather not talk to either of them because we were in the middle for so long. (We are now 25-16)
Please dont stay together for your children. It usually isnt worth it.