What is happy

i am 60 years old i was raped when i was 16 years old i did not tell anybody because i was so ashamed. me and my mother was not close so i had nobody to turn to. i got married at 19 had a baby at 29 that did not last long because he was never around and when he was he belittled me all the time 6 years later i got married again i really thought this was it but three mo9nths into the marriage he started beating me i had another baby this abuse went on for 22 years i had no where to go he made me feel like nobody whould ever want somebody like me. he was very controling cut me off from everybody me and my kids knew how to put on a good front if anybody came to our house.when his son got to be 21 i lefted him i am married again have been for 11 years now. he is a good man not saying we have not had our problems.we have six kids between us and that was not easy to take on with all my problems. he has never hit me and has tried to build up my self image. i just stay depressed all the time what happened to me in my past i just can not shake.i just do not know what happy is i would like to know what it feels like before i leave this earth. if anybody can help i am all ears

sorry had a baby when i was 20 not 29

Shelia, welcome to SupportGroups, thank you for sharing you story & your correct in that when our innocence is taken it lives w/us forever & then we have to walk through the past wreckage to learn other options that help us while we're helping others, which your doing right here & I admire you for that, please continue so others will read & talk it through w/eachother, your not alone & we're all here for you.

Take care of you.

April

Shelia- Welcome!! I was in an abusive relationship for four years before i managed to get out of it, and i was raped when i was 8 years old. Those are both really hard things to overcome and im still trying to deal with them today. Depression hurts bad, especially when the root cause is from something like that. I would suggest you see a dr about your depression and talk to a counselor or talk to us on here!! I've found a great support system on here!! Good luck and have a great day!!!

Shelia, I am so happy your here with us. I can't imagine the impact all that abuse has had on you. You will find the kindest and most caring people here who share some of what you have experienced. Together we will find a way to be happy and overcome the sadness. This site has helped me enormously and hope it will you too. Hugs, Raylene

My gosh Sheila, you've been through it, haven't you? I am so sad to hear your story, my heart goes out to you...my daughter has been through only about half of that and she's in serious bad health due to drug abuse. If you could, therapy with a therapist that knows how to help you deal with the rape, or a support group specifically for rape would be my first suggestion...I went to a 'survivors of incest' group, but if you search, you may find something that fits you. If you haven't heard of it, there's a great book called, 'The Courage to Heal'...I even found it in the library...that deals with all kinds of abuse. Don't just medicate...you also need support. And a great thing happens when you deal with your own issues....you start attracting great people and things into your life. I have been through abuse too, but I can tell you, there is a way out of your depression. I wish you the best.

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse