What is SUPPORTIVE to you?

Hello all....
Most of you know me...at least to a point. I've been around since this site was developed, more actively writing at first, because I was not working [I cared for my Mother-in-law in our home], and now monitoring the eating disorder site in my spare time, since I'm working full (+) time.
I've always been a bit overprotective of the site, simply because there are so few truly PRO-recovery sites on the Internet for people to connect with.
One thing that I have noticed lately is that many of you are struggling more....not too surprising, given the time of year, and the nature of this Monster disorder. I love the great support that you all offer to one another, and how you welcome new people!! THANK YOU!!
I have also noticed that there are more posts being written that are bordering more on sharing symptom details, than on feelings and strategies for support and working for recovery. I am recovered. I don't feel 'triggered' by things anymore, but I know what can be triggering. If I read a post describing how little someone is eating, how much they exercise, or how often they are purging, etc., I have concern about how this can affect those of you who are vulnerable.
I don't think 'censoring' is good, in terms of learning to express emotions and be emotionally honest with others, but I do think that phrasing things carefully is important on a site like this. You all have something to offer, and you all have issues you are working on.
Please consider the content of your posts in terms of how you all might be helped...or not.
Wishing you all health and happiness....Jan ♥

Thank you for the reminder Jan! :) I will definately try to phrase things a little more carefully. Thank you!

xxx
Maggie

Thanks for the post Jan. I too am in recovery but it is so hard to see people struggling and not want to jump in there and fix it all for them! I know from experience that it is more than the symptoms that I suffer from but it is much deeper. When I find myself wanting to restrict I have to take a step back and examine what feelings or what stressors are going on in my life that are behind wanting to torture myself....and I see it as that now...torture!

I find it helpful to be able to voice my true feelings and not hide behind symptoms. Having a site like this where people don't judge is also extremely helpful. Thanks for all you do to keep this a safe place for all of us to come and share our lives and struggles. I look forward to reading how other's are doing and hopefully be able to add a few words of encouragement.

Cathy

Thanks Jan. I think you are right in what you say. Although I have not been on here for long, I have tried not to come on here too much recently as I have found it too diffucult to read some of the posts.

This truely is such a great website, and it is so nice that there are people out there who truely understand what you are going through and never judge you for what you have to say, or when you ant to rant or are having a bad day. It's comforting to have such a great support network.

I hope everyone is doing well and having a good day. Keep strong and keep fighting... together we can get there!!

xx

Thanks to you all for understanding where I am coming from. 'Harry' phrased it well, in terms of coming right out with feelings, and not hiding behind symptoms. Recovery is not perfect, it's a crazy roller coaster, and I simply hope you all hold on tight...and ride it out....please keep sharing and supporting each other! ♥

hey jan, thanks for this. it actually confirmed why have not written any posts recently myself, cause i was worried of discouraging others with my struggles.
it is hard to find a good intermediate as to how to really opening up without triggering others. but i'm sure with everyone on this site being so incredibly caring and understanding that it is possible.

you're a star :-)
maedi

Maedi,
It’s compassionate to step back and filter, not sensor some details of relapse or continued struggle. To me this means following the guidelines of no numbers, or sizes, or times. Beyond that, use this site for a place to be honest.
I know I want to hide until I’m perfect,my Ed would love to distort kind Jan’s words into something other that a sweet reminder for us to take care of each other. Please post when you need it most.
As I write I know this is much more about me wanting to “clean up for the maid” as it were. Today I’m not waiting to be perfect to share.
Today I wake up frustrated that I slipped back after being where I felt alive. From this desk I consciously state my intention to pause and take stock one hour at a time today. I seek to live in my body, in the moment, and toward my authentic self. Big words… (that’s the inner judge…shh judge)
Love to you all…and thanks Jan for keeping this site special.

Jan,

I know you! ♥ Thanks, as always for your constant guidance and support. You ROCK! :)

Maedi,

I think Cathy said it very well when she spoke about needing to express our feelings... It takes time and practice to learn to do that, especially for people that are so used to substituting behaviors for feelings... But it's true that the feelings, whether we are aware of them or not, are the driving force in our eating disorders, and our ultimate connection to ourselves.

I think it's important to be able to use this site for support, and also important to share without triggering others. It's a difficult balance to find, but it can be done. ♥ I think that if people are struggling, they can talk about that without talking about specific behaviors, and really use this site to examine their feelings. Of course, there are times when we all need to work directly on behaviors, too. If so, there are always those of us available for private e-mails that are no longer so easily triggered. ♥

Lots of love to all!

Jen

Very well put Jan. I agree with all of you about identifying and expressing the emotions that are behind the behaviors...that is where the work is needed...that is where the support and understanding is needed. It has helped me tremendously in my ability to express myself to others by writing on this site. I have not posted regularly in awhile due to school/work but when I am here I do worry about some of the posts. This is a pro recovery site-not to say that the behaviors and very real symptoms of the disorder are not important, they are. It does however seem to do more harm than good by only listing behaviors. Very little content of behaviors is triggering to me now and is a testament to my own recovery; however I do cringe at some of what I read here at times because I know how it could possibly affect someone else.

I know that some people have no safe place to speak their behaviors and that speaks to their lack of professional support, and I am saddened by this very real problem.

At ANAD there are rules about not discussing specifics in behaviors. I have found that this is hard at times because I want to know what’s going on with others and relate. But I have found by this being implemented, it does almost force others to address the emotions and hurt that is underneath. There is support and understanding of the emotions just as much if not more than actual eating disorder behaviors.

I know that over a year ago when I found this site that the most supportive part of this site was the open honest sharing of the feelings and emotions being exchanged. The background story does weave into this and sharing OUR TRUE SELVES is extremely helpful.
Thank you so much for putting this out there Jan.

you are all so right, as always :-) i know i have recently been ignoring and numbing my emotions to the max. with my bahaviors.

so i guess: abandon the behaviors (and their description) and embrace the feelings (and post them on here!)

something to work on, maybe for all of us!

you lovelies are just ace!!
thanks soooooooooo much

xxxxx

Thank you so much for this post Jan,
Even thou myself might be at fault sometimes for not phrasing my words appropriatly i too was starting to get this feeling that we are walking a very thin line here and that many times the words we choose to post may indeed detour others in their own recovery.

I can talk only for myself, thou when i read: example: "I binge two times today", I may think to myself: "I am not doing too bad, i only purged twice last week!",

Often EDs have a strange but strong power to interpreter and perceive thoughts its own way often getting further away from positiveness.

Wishes to a great Week all,

Ana

Thank you all for you input...we can all keep this site a supportive, yet safe one, and remember that the option for private messages is there for those who may have closer relationships, and want to communicate privately.
Focus on what can set you free....love you all!! ♥

Sorry to all if I am a culprit...nothing was meant to be triggering AT ALL. I'll reread before I post and watch what I say <333 Stay strong everyone.

don’t feel as if you did anything wrong, honey, this was a great reminder for all of us. not only about what we should/can post, but also about not ignoring our emotions!! that’s what got us into ED in the first place…

hugs
maedi

thanks jan for this post.... i myself, have been triggered a few times here---but the question is, why was i triggered???? hmmmm... this is a great place to come for support as it is one of the few real recovery sites( i have seen ones that were sooooooooo pro ana and had the gall to say they were pro recovery)

it is important for all of us here to keep in mind what is triggereing and not triggering to others... i think that keeping a negative veiw on our bodies does not help us out--yes it is one of the main symptom of ED. hell, i know i have a horrible veiw of my body right now, but i feel that if we were to change that up a little on here to: i hate my body sooo much and am sooo horrible looking BUT i really want help for thinking the way i do.

see how i was letting out my feelings, yet put a positive spin on it???? that way, we can work on the positivity instead of being pulled down into ED.

one member in particular ( who i miss) left because she was triggered from the site. now, for me, sometimes i do get triggered BUT i think the positives wayyyyyyyyyyyyy
outweigh any small amount of negative( hardly any). i was kind of surprised the one member left cause although some posts are a teeny bit triggering, they are few and in between and honeslty the love and kindness and caring of the site is soooooo very strong!

so yes we need to keep in mind what we post here and to try not to be explicit with our behavior talk...

i try to focus on posting positive things, although it is also very important to vent out our negative emotions as well...
we just have to put a positive spin on any negative feelings ( i think this would help us and others on here).

thanks jan for this sooo much

love
maureen

I don't want you all to blame yourselves...it's impossible to prevent ANY triggers....you are all different and vulnerable in different ways. Just a reminder to stay aware of the tone of your posts and what kind of support you may be projecting....NOTICE-CHOOSE-ACT.....Jan ♥

very true jan, we need to be careful of what we write...

we dont want to let out posts become soooo very negative that recovery doesnt even seem appealing anymore..you know????

love
maureen