What now

I was sober for 3 months after signing myself into rehab on 420 it was suggested that i go to a halfway house in florida..HA why would i go to florida for the summer..i found a job very quickly as a telemarketer..(not exactly my cup of tea but the money was great) i fell in love with my boyfriend who i also got a job for and was sucessfully paying my rent staying clean and enjoying sober life for once..things were going pretty good untill i made the mistake of allowing my boyfriend to sneak in and stay over a"friend" saw him and promised they wouldnt tell a soul...so much for that about a week went by and me and my boyfriend got into a terrible fight outside the property. the "manager or watever u wanna call her called me into the office and about an hour after i had paid rent for the upcomming week proceeded to kick me out of my apartment. Me being a drug addict in what i thought to be "early recovery" flipped the **** out.. i thought it was totally unfair because after all they had no proof of anything..plus i had nowhere to go had jst gave them all my money for rent and was fighting with my boyfriend...all the perfect ingrdients for a relapse...which of course is exactly what i did...i started sniffing oxys..i luckily found a place to stay with my boyfriend.. within a week i lost my job due to surcumstances im not even sure of..i spent a few days looking for a job but by this time i was soooo depressed i just continued to do drugs..as i was running out of money a friend drove from new york to florida to come and get me..still no one knows that i had relapsed and im too disgusted with my self to admitt it now.. i was froced to come home now with a mild heroin addiction. being home is sooo different i thought people were going to be proud of me for the slight sucssed i had down south..but no infact everyone around me half expected me to go back to my old ways which i had secretly already did. i havent been doing heroin lately for the simple fact i cant afford it..i do sometimes smoke pot... im scared sooo soo soo scared. scared of what i dont kno, scared of what i might do, im scared of myself and my decisions..is that carzy?? im still with my boyfriend and hes found a job but im slipping into that rediculous depression ****..im thinking im not good enough for anything wich is dumb..cuz i deserve the world im jst not sure how to get it..i need advice please good advice..

Hi Jlynn123, I suggest going to see your doctor for help with the depression. For help with your addiction, have you ever gone to NA http://www.na.org/ ? If not then I suggest going to a meeting. If you don't want to go to one face to face yet, you can go to one online. Listen for the likenesses not the differences. If you want help, help is available. Take it one day at a time. Just for today, don't use. Keep coming and sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))