What to do now?

My wife left me after 11 yrs of marrage. She had every rite to since I was talking to another woman for a couple weeks before that. The problem is since then I have been seeing this "other woman" and she in planning on moving in in a week or so. I still am in love with my wife and I think she is still in love with me. I have made some really big mistakes in my life and i'm sure to mess this one up too.since i'm not expecting to many responces maybe some one could give me some advice?

If you love your wife I pray you reconcile with her and how do I say this? Apologize like you've never apologized before. God put you two together for life, and a mistake is a mistake but going forward the other way and thinking you can reconcile with her won't happen and I would hate you to lose her if there is hope of reconciliation. Divorce is ugly and the scars are bad it is far better to do evverything to stay married. That and regret and remorse and the rest that goes with it will come with the package of seperation.
You do not have to mess this one up, too like you said, you give it your all and that's what you hope for the best. Hope that helps.
Mark divorced ten years and alone on purpose.
God bless!

Mark,Thanks for the advice. I do feel like the biggest loser. The pain I put my wife thru some days are unbearable.There are days I feel like throwing in the towel! How could a husband do that to his wife ??? She did nothing but love me. I know there where days that were not all that good but most of them GREAT !!! WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE !!!

Don't bash yourself more than you need to, stay focused and positive and I pray it all works out for the best! God bless!

Bikr, would of been wise to not START another relationship UNTIL you figured out WHY, WHAT, WHERE in the first relationship. Am glad your aware of what you've created & thats half the battle. Usually takes time to look within & sometimes answers can be found in ones past history, the way one is raised, genetic links if applicable, traumatic experience to then be capable of learning about it & not repeat the same pattern of behavior over & over again. Is there a way you can move the new person out & then talk w/your wife & stop any divorce proceedings? As you said you still love her & that would not be fair to a new person/relationship.

Take care of you.


April, Thanks 4 the advice. you are absolutly rite about why, what where. Thats MY PROBLEM !!! If I wasn’t such a dickhead I should have figured that out but as you can see I’m not that sharp and I DID get involved WAY TO SOON. Now how do I tell this new women who is totally in love with me (and yes I care alot for her too)that I fucked up and could she please move out till I get my shit together? Thats not to fair to her. SHOULD I MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE AND HURT HER AS WELL ??? Life is not that easy, and MY mistakes are scewing up alot of other peoples lifes. Some days its like “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING”. I wish I could figure this one out by myself but I keep screwing thing up more. Sorry 2 both these women !!!

Great advice April. I could not have said it better myself!!

Bikrtrash, Be kind to you..We all make mistakes as we are human..Try to focus on the here and now and make this moment count..You can't change the past and we can't tell what tomorrow will bring us..Do the best you can for today and learn to forgive yourself because beating yourself is not going to serve you one thing but, depression..Ask for forgiveness where needed and pray for the healing to come in time..**Blessing go out to you tonight**

So "seeing" equates to sleeping with. Gotcha.


And even if you choose, your choosee may not choose you back. Be prepared to deal with that.

What I don't understand is, what drove you to cheat on your wife in the first place? Isn't whatever that is, going to be there when you get back? Don't you think you'd be prone to it again, if the right triggers went off? I'd do her a favor, and proceed with woman #2. It won't last, but your wife will not have to worry about you cheating anymore... and you want to do what's best for her ya?

einstien, “SEEING” equates to just that !!! don’t put words in my mouth! was I cheating YES but not “SLEEPING” . You don’t have to “SLEEP” with someone to be cheating. My wife and I drifted appart and “I” stuck up a conversation with a woman and I should have been TALKING to my wife ! Did I thing about it YES but WE did not sleep together. Thats cheating ! JAG-OFF !!!

Bikr - would be best to be FORTHRIGHT w/the roommate as that would be progress in the right direction FOR YOU & open the door to communication (which IS key in any relationship which maybe WHY the first one failed by infidelity). Some people find that mature & refreshing if & when one does actually LEARN by their mistakes & grows up otherwise they will continue on the same pattern of behavior & dont THINK the new roommate wont eventually figure that out, just a thought.

Take care friend.

April (Harley mamma from the late 70's)

Good point April..I found out from my past marriage of 17 years..with all the broken promises, mistakes and lies from my X..If nothing changes, NOTHING will ever change..So, I had to take a good look at that and make a change in me and stop having hope in a hopeless situation..*Good luck Bikrtrash*

never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will never be like the one you love!

Thanks cs26, I will NEVER forget those two lines. THANKS AGAIN !!!

Hi Bikr. Sleeping, seeng, whatever -it doesn't matter, important are the feelings. I think that you really have to put everything on hold and get your sh.... together. You can talk with both and see who is willing to wait for you to think the things over. Then you stay with friend, in motelroom etc... ALONE!! for 2-3 days {or more} not comunicating with either woman. Whoever you miss more, or would like to see first - that will be it. If she is still there, that is. Then figure what made you stay like the famous donkey between two piles of straw. Wish you luck.M.K.

Lotta anger there buddy. I can understand only wanting to be accused of what you actually did.

But is this sudden revelation about your wife have more to do with having "someone" than having no one, since the person you have been "seeing" is moving?

Something to think about.

No revelation . Not at all. If you would have read everything I wrote you would have seen that the “other woman” is moving in WITH me .I’m not angery either just disapointed in myself !!

So you are moving in with someone you never slept with?
Interesting concept, however, I call bull-poopy.

Regardless, you want a shot at getting your wife back?

Dump the rental girl. How do you expect to work on things with your wife when you have "Hernietta house guest?" You obviously don't feel bad enough to have thought of that.

Bikr, we all eventually learn by our mistakes & so try to not be too hard on yourself & as for the future you will TURN INTO your partner & communicate the issues instead of TURNING AWAY from your partner. Its all a process learned over time. Do your best my friend thats all you can ask of yourself.



you do have yourself in a pickle. Dump the new roommate if you don't love her. So if she loves you, she should understand that your wife was there first. She never should have entertained your attentions knowing you were married in the first place. If you are lucky enough for your wife to take you back, go to counseling and work things out...otherwise move on without BOTH women in your life. Get a fresh start. Don't carry on a relationship with someone you don't love, don't lead her on. It won't be fair to either of you in the long run. Good luck!!