My husband passed away 2 1/2 weeks ago. He had been ill, but improving then suddenly in 12 hours and unexpected complication arose and he was gone. I really don't know what to do without him here. He was the love of my life and I just miss him so much. All I want is to be able to touch him, hold his hand, sit next to him to watch TV. The silence is deafening. My children are older teens so they are busy all the time and I spend a lot of time alone. My family does not live close by and either does his. How do I get through the evening? I don't know when I should return to work....I feel like I don't know anything. I'm been a nurse for many years and have always taken care of people. Why can't I take care of me?? I just feel lost.
Yes, I have been able to go spend time with friends and actually laugh a little, but then I feel guilty....why. Even now I feel like I'm just rambling on like a crazy person. I feel like a child that needs someone to tell me what to do because I am in so much pain my brain won't work. How do I start functioning again?
You are functioning, there is just too much in your brain right now that you can't grab onto it all. I lost my husband after a 3 year 9 months battle with cancer. He just went to sleep on December 4, 2010. It was the first night I actually slept tightly, only to sit straight up on the loveseat where I slept at 6:34 am. Knowing he had taken his last breath. I held him, stroked his hair told him a 100 times I loved him, that I was going to be okay, but inside I was saying I can't do this, I can't survive without you touch, your smile, your love. But we can do it, because we had their love. You aren't crazy Wenda, you are overwhelmed, lost and have been taking care of everyone else for so long, that you have forgotten about how to take care of you. It's been 7 months and I still can't stop taking care of everyone else. My kids are older, the youngest being 18, because I don't know how to take care of myself. Harder still is that you don't know what to for yourself, because all we want is them. You lost, as have I and so many others our right and left hand. My husband told me he knew I would cry, he knew I would keep going until I dropped from shear exhaustion, but he wanted me to at times to stop, shut my eyes, take slow easy breathes and just remember that he loves me, to allow myself to feel that deep love we shared. I do that at times, I cry, but as time has moved the sobs still come, but at the same time I feel peace.
Unfotunately, no one can tell you how to take care of yourself, I'm finding that we have to find it in ourselves to do just begin doing it. I have begun doing some things for myself, but then I feel guilty if I decide to stay home an evening and not go to a kids baseball game with a friend. I feel bad if I paint my porch railing instead of going to visit my parents. It's a struggle everyday, simply because what I really want I just can't have for myself.
My suggestion, is to take it slowly. Something as simple as buying a candy bar you really like but haven't treated yourself to in a very long time when you go to the grocery store. Or to pick yourself up some flowers to sit on the table to simply look pretty. Baby steps is the key right now.
As far as rambling like a crazy person, you don't sound crazy at alll. You simply sound like someone lost right now. Let the words flow out, don't hold them in.
you are doing as you should. Do not expect so much from yourself i understand as being a nurse myself we want to fix everyone but you need time to heal you are numb and lost.
I know you know about the stages of grief and you are doing fine.
Take time for yourself and try to take care of yourself. Eat, sleep (when you can).
I will keep you in my prayers
It is not an easy road but you can do this. I know you can. I feel so weak but I am making it sometimes hour by hour then some times day by day.
Hang in there.
From Mental & Physical Abuse to Grief & Loss