Lately due to an extremely ugly divorce from a very abusive man, who abused me every way you could possibly think of verbal, physical, mental, spiritual he raped me and physically beat me on a daily basis to gain more power of me this lasted for a little over a decade at first me and my son got away from him but I trusted his family to help me out since I thought I could trust them after 10 yrs , somehow in my fear and my lack of knowledge of the divorce process my ex manipulated the system to work in his favor he took everything from me including my son now after continued threats form him and his family if I was ever to try to regain custody of my son they said I would suffer even more. So now I live in fear of my life , my son's well-being and I have little knowledge of what to do next? I relive the abuse over an over again in my head every night I wake up from a horrible violent memory my body shaking , a shortness of breath and an uncontrollable crying almost powerless to stop once it starts I now am almost afraid to sleep now I can't sleep unless completely exhausted. at first all memories were sort of blocked out i just kept having a really bad memory as if I was avoiding in denial about the truth but since that monster took my son and my ex wont allow me to see or speak to him in
the last year my grief and feeling powerless at the moment brought back everything else painful he has caused over an over again.
Hi Aidansmom22881, thank you for sharing your story. I am really so sorry for what you have gone through and I know that through faith and strength you will come out on top, as the truth always prevails. Have you ever consulted professional legal counsel regarding your situation? That is the only thing that I can recommend, because they will guide you in the appropriate way to proceed so that you are protected each step of the way. Also, I am a huge advocate in paper trail, meaning always have everything documented and in writing. If you are communicating with the other side, then always do so via email so that you have it documented. A lawyer will be able to consult you and give you proper legal advice.
I am praying for you and wishing you all of the very best. Please keep sharing with us. Sending you tons of good positive energy.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post I appreciate all your kind words and right now in my life I need all the prayers in the world, so thanks again have a wonderful week God Bless.
Mandalynn
Hi Mandalynn! Of course, I am here to help in any way. Please keep sharing and you are continually in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you tons of positive energy.
Hi Mandalynn,
Are you seek a therapist to overcome your own trauma? Do you get to see your son? Have you ever been to hospital/doctor in regard to your husband beating you in the past? As this would all be in hospital/doctor record.
You can get your child back, i am sure of this. It's just that you've been so beaten down by this man that you question your strength but you have it. Do you have any family or friends that can help support and talk to you during this time.
My prayers are with you, and I hope your son is back with you again soon.
Love to you
MG x
Those are such excellent questions and suggestions Moongal, one's that I didn't think of.
You are so right, Mandalynn you WILL get your son back. You can do it and we are here to support you in any way that we can.
The last time my Ex almost killed me I did end up in the E.R however he was hovering me the whole time and he told the doctor I tripped on my son's bike I hurt all over at the time but no bruises at that time it was basically whiplash and prior to that incident I took several pics of bruises he left me however he got ahold of my camera and deleted all evidence I have no evidence about the abuse other than his mom saw a few bruises but I don't think she will tell the truth in court I'm not in a normal abuse situation and I need alot of help especially where to begin in this situation first off I married into a family of pure poison which I didnt know at the time but my Ex's dad seriously crazy abusive and his mom a little schizophrenic either from birth or from his abuse but not only is this family sick in the head they are powerful have lots of money and MANY friends in the law dept and I've been threatened , and so has my family if I ever tried to get my son back I'm so scared I even felt the need to leave state at first. The abuse could never be proven but if a professional therapist herd my voice an saw me shake when ever I talk about the pain they would know I was telling the truth I am so scared I have no idea how to approach this situation I recently spoke with an attorney and he told me I waited to long to fight back Now I just live in fear and my son is living with a monster I'm powerless :(
You can copy what your sharing here & show it to someone that you trust? I fear the abuse will continue for your family & someone will need to assist you. Please keep documenting, times, dates, happenings, pictures if possible, any resources you find/seek to help & when your son starts school if hes old enough, you can take that route QUIETLY w/a counselor if you can find where hes going. Call CPS to talk with, even though there will be many frustrating turn of events & possible set backs while trying to be an investigator/advocate for your child s safety, while staying outta harms way yourself. Your not powerless & there are more here that could have other options cause you have access to a computer to utilize, thats a start.
April
Never say it is to late.Yes he may have money and power but you have love for your son that he will never give him.
going to a therapist is good for you.It helped me find flaws in me life and now I am working to fix these flaws.You have to be strong when it comes to your son.He is still your son and you have a right to see and have visitation with him.Like every one is saying write every thing down If you can get every record medical that you can.I have to walk around with a recorder in my pocket.This may never come into play but if one thing is used to help me it is worth its weight in gold.you can get a small recorder from walmart.and download anything on it to a cd disk.Stay strong for yourself and your son.
Prayers are with you.
Zimmy
Its revolting to read about your story. I just dont get people like your ex husband. And Im very sorry about everything he has put you through. But heres the way I look at: He took the most important thing in your life away from you, your son. What have you got to lose now? Fight back! Rise up and stand up for yourself. You cant live in fear for the rest of your life. He may have money and influence but he's not above the law. The tip about the voice recorder is a great idea. Stay strong and think about your son. Dont let him go through the same nightmare you did while you two were married. Take your baby out of there and restart your life. My thoughts are with you. Good luck
Your right the child is the most important part in your life in these times.Hey phoenix during you divorse did you give up anything to your other?My other wants me to go thru all the divorse hearings at court but wait 1 year for the final divorse so she can keep my medical benifits. this is a big thorn in my ass right now.Lawyers say it is a bargaining chip.I do not feel this way kept up all night thinking about it.The hurt she has given me can not even be told!I just want out as fast as possible and legaly
Undecided
zimmy
wow ..my heart goes out to you. Many great suggestions here.I don't understand why the court allowed him to take your son or were the courts not involved?Documenting conversations ..phone calls and e-mails is very important.Im sorry you were stuck in this abusive relationship and understand your hurt because ..I too was stuck in an abusive relationship ..I was beaten with words emotionally and I was raped ..sexually abused.I stayed in it too long as well ..why I don't know Im still struggling with that.I waited too long also to report things.They lie they manipulate..they rip your heart out.Its all about control.My suggestion to you is go to a womens shelter to stay for a week they have many recourses there and you are safe there.They will give you some great advice and if you stay for a short time you will be elligable for legal aid.I did that and I have a counselor there.Trust me if hes capable of all the abusive things hes done..and you start fighting back you will have a safe place to go ..and counseling.Don't give up ..you have rights.remember to document EVERYTHING!If you start fighting back he may become more violent and you will have to worry about your safety.
Your in my prayers!
Did I give up anything? I bought a car last year that she ended up keeping, other than that she kept very few things. Most of the appliances/furniture I bought throughout the course of our short marriage and I refused to let her have it. The car I willingly told her she could have it, since we live in a small town and a vehicle is necessary. I dont know sometimes when I have my moments of anger (Kinda like tonight) I feel like driving the **** thing into a tree, or setting it on fire.
Did I give up anything.That was a stubed thing to say. I am giving 20 years of my life away.That should be enough!
Not It will cost upwards of 15,000 to 20,000 to finish this off Quick Or 1 year of hell.Lawyer say she will be pain anyway I do not Know.Can not answer now Could be bargaining chip but she is not a bargain
A child is involved so this makes this even harder...
but...
If there is nothing you can do to free him now and get away you must do this, or... I do know one other thing but is drastic...
The first, YOU MUST get yourself out 110% and safe.
Do this, MOVE AWAY, do not think about what you lost, keep your son in your heart but get out of the area. Do not let anyone know where.
NOW work on yourself, Be selfish one moment. Take care of you and get a GOOD JOB and work hard, save money and secure your life and future.
THIS will be the first step to get your son back...
However it takes TIME and ENERGY and TIME !!!
Focus on getting secure in life, that will help to fight the thoughts of what happened.
Focus on the future goal, to get your son back and away from them !
it is not easy but the only real way. and TIME.....
Better yourself and life and then you can fight it.
Forgot, it is not great but CONTACT a LOCAL Womans Shelter.
You can live there and get basic assistance and also information to fight another day !!!
You are very strong for getting out of this relationship. Have you tried calling a domestic abuse help line? They may be a little more knowledgable as far as local resources
Mandalynn, I am so sorry for the trauma you experienced from the one supposed to protect you. I know with a little research you can find all kinds of support resources. Regardless of where you live, domestic abuse is a criminal offence and you can find those ready willing and able to protect and assist you in getting your son back. I'm sorry you remain in fear for your life, but anyone as brutal and controlling as he is capable of more, so be careful when dealing with him. As everyone said document everything you can to use in regaining custody of your son. You can go on line and find your local domestic abuse agency, just keep your plans and contacts secret from him. He would only become enraged if he thought you dared try to get your son back. We are all here thinking of ways to help you and I will keep you and your son in my prayers. Virtual Hugs, Raylene
aidansmom22881, sorry you are having to go thru this. i understand. my husband kidnapped my son from me the first time i tried to get away. just keep strong and pray... Glad you found this site. it has helped me so much. i wish i would of had it back then.my son is 19 now. i have to say, no matter how much control his father thought he had, he lost as my son grew up. my son figured out, on his own, what kind of person his father really is. good luck and keep posting. it helps to let the pain out...
Be strong! It's hard. You can go to the Crisis Unit of the Police Dept. Also try the Domestic abuse office.