When do you get over your ex?

I was married for 10 years to my husband. We have 4 children together. We separated two years ago and the divorce has been final for a year now. He cheated on me and I was the one who filed for divorce, so why am I still grieving for him? It does not help matters that he still tells me that he loves me and wishes that we could fix things. When I am with my children I try to put on a happy face for them but inside, and whenever I am alone, I fall into the great abyss and I don't want to do anything. Please help.

Good Morning Hibernating,
Time is the only thing that will help.
As far as him saying he still loves you WRONG
If he loved you he would of not had an affair.
Kids thing is tough I am going thru same thing.
Do not bad mouth him to the kids or show anger towards him infront of them.In the long run the kids will know who what and why this happened.
Just keep telling yourself you did not do this
Stay strong and keep talking it helps

Zimmy

Wow, isn't it interesting to know that so many other women are feeling like you do right now?
I say that because I have noticed that when your ex-husband decided to step outside your marriage and have an affair that there was something going on inside of him and that he was making a selfish act. He was only thinking of his needs and not the needs of his wife. Of course it is easier for him to give you some hope by telling you the he still loves you so that he can keep you in that lonely place while he is enjoying his life with someone else. I consider that to be selfish on his part. Your feeling like the bottom feel out of your life is normal, especially considering how you were faithful in your marriage to him. You were expecting you marriage to last a lifetime, especially after 10 years. Maybe he became bored with the commitment of marriage and wanted to do something different with someone different. And then you are left to try and figure out why you are feeling sad at the lost of a marriage. Of course you would file for the divorce because he was unfaithful to you. I believe that when you begin to build a supportive community of people, friends and family by going out and doing things, you will complete the grieving stages and move on with your life. Grieving takes time, months, years even. I suggest you keep yourself active with the kids and if he wants to talk about what happened, he must own up to his part in the damage and if he decides to want to work it out with you, he would have to be living alone and seeking help. Otherwise, you would be investing in something that could hurt you again in the future. Stay strong and continue to stay connected to your online supportive community.

I was married for 20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids and I did everything to try and make HIM happy. He finally left 16 mths ago. I kept praying he would realize what a mistake he made... Now he decided to start dating! He doesn't want to file for divorce- I think he is waiting for me to so he can be the victim. He's been Abusive and mean- I've been pulling away out of necessity. So now he blames me for his having to date. I'm ready for a fresh start!

Fresh start is the best thing for you to do.
No it was not you who did this.
Divorce does not matter who files for it just listen to a lawyer and do everything he asks you to do.
He may be worried he will have to pay you more than what he is now.He is the one who left so he is the one in fault not you.Keep your head up and be strong. Those who are truthful and not making excuses for what has happened will prevail in the end.Good luck in your new life
Zimmy

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