When is the right time to tell your loved one or boyfriend or anyone for that matter that you have herpes?

Hello everyone,
I was diganosed with herpes over a year ago. I have slept with 2 men in my life and the second being my fiance at the time. Also the one to pass it on to me. Even though he told me he did not know and it was my mistake also for having sex to begin with i wasnt able to forgive him therefore it made our relationship fail. Since then i have had alot of emotional problems. I feel like no one will love me or accept me because of this disease. I wont nor will i sleep with anyone without them knowing however i cannot bring myself to tell anyone. I have told one guy thinking he would be ok with it like he told me he would but he wasnt and it only hurt me once. I dont know when the right time is to tell someone this personal information. Im very young as well which makes dealing with this harder. I feel like its unfair and that my life is just ruined now when i know its not i just cant seem to accept it. I honestly dont know how to handle this at all when it comes to talking about it or accepting it. It has really messed me up emotionaly and latly ive felt that i really need to do somethig about it. So i decided to join this support group and i would love feedback from anyone. Thanks.


Welcome, it would be wise to tell him now as there is no right or wrong time & would be selfish to keep this a secret & then pay a very big price emotionally & physically later on in life let alone all the guilt of NOT telling. Some partners can be very mature & understanding/supportive. You coming here shows that you do care for others & would not want to cause unneeded harm to anyone, I admire you for that as its a step in the right direction & will only bring good things back to you in life.

Take care of you & all my strengths.


Well no one is in the picture at this moment. I cant seem to let it go that far because i find a different reason to end it because im scared to tell. I appreciate the advice. I hope one day ill find a mature and understanding partner. Thanks for your support and response i appreciate it.

My friend's ex husband gave her herpes. She was able to find another husband and has been happily married for 12 yrs. He loved her so much that her having herpes didn't stop him from wanting to be with her. I know you will find a good man one day. The best time to tell a person is before you decide you want to have sex. Just be honest when you are comfortable and see if a guy can handle it. You can also meet people who are living with herpes for support because I'm sure they can help too. Take care and I wish you the best.

See wantstomoveon, bluestar just gave you a ray of light & good advice w/her experiences w/others on this subject so even through the foggy days your having & sadness do try & keep this in mind & it will happen one day if its what you'd like. We all care about you & talk w/us when you feel like it.

All my strengths.


I really appreciate the feedback. It helps alot to know im not alone and that other people are able to find those that love them, and move on. It makes it easier to deal with it. I am very thankful i joined this website and to all of you for giving me advice and hope.

I'm new to this group. I've had genital herpes for a number of years. I am taking a prescription drug which drastically helps reduce the occurence of outbreaks. I know that I am not only in danger of exposing others to this virus when I'm having a full on outbreak. There can also be asymptomatic shedding. For example, some people can carry the virus and not even know it.
I understand that there is a dietary component too. Apparently taking l-lysine, an amino acid, can help with the internal chemistry of the body and increase the chances of your own immune system keeping the virus in check.
I'm a guy - talking facts. I've got feelings about this stuff too and how it affects me, but I'm trying to feel out this resource and take one step at a time.

I take l-lysine along with other vitamins on a regular basis and it seems to do good. And from what others have told me and my doctors the best way to go about having sex with another is to tell your partner before hand. But everyone makes it sound to easy. I cant seem to speak the words, or find the right time or guy for that matter. So i just stay away from that. And i know the day will come where i cant do that anymore and i do dread it but i dont know what else to do at the time. Im still really young, and it sucks to have to live with this and deal with it for the rest of your life and im sure you understand that. Its nice to actually here from a guy, i appreciate your response very much, im here whenever to chat.

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while i dont have it i must say even though i cant know how it feels youve gotta understand that herpes isnt all you are! you are still a person with a heart first. you ask when you should tell someone that you have it well i guess when it comes to the time you think you should.. if they wont accept you than its their loss not yours. never get down on yourself because as i said your a person first dont let it make you depressed. you will find the right person for you.