How long is this going to go on? I've tried and tried to ignore the thoughts and images of what my wife did, but they keep returning. When they show up, they're worse than before. My head is full of unanswered questions. Why? How? I wanna scream. It's making me hurt all over. Headaches are almost unbearable at times. Right now is one of those times. Agonizing emotional pain is almost constant. The meds my doc gave me help, but I can't take a full dose at work. Half doses aren't working as well as I'd hoped. When will it stop?!?!?! Being at work is the worst time. I'm feeling another attack coming on. I won't be home for another 4 hours. I feel like people are talking about us. I keep catching them staring. I hate this!!!! WHEN WILL IT STOP????????????
I think I know how it feels, my boyfriend cheated on me about 3 years back and its still destroys me. When it comes up to the month of July I feel sick (thats when it happened), 2008 just seems like an unlucky number, even typing it feels weird. I can't go camping (because it happened when they were camping)...really any association of it really hurts me, and when I think about it, it feels like every feeling that I had when I found out just comes rushing back, like it happened again.
Being hurt by the someone you love, is really unbearable, a million questions rush through your head and sometimes you ending up blaming yourself. Wasn't I good enough? What did I do wrong?
Maybe you should try and talk to your doctor, to see if there are any other options, if there is any without side effects that would affect your work and maybe some herbal medication. When I feel a panic coming along I use rescue remedy, it doesn't make me feel totally better but does calm me down.
I'm not a doctor, but I can clearly see by reading this its causing you a great amount of difficulty and maybe you should consider talking to a professional about it (if your not doing that already) and they may help you not to forget but certainly deal with what happened and make you feel a lot better.
A :)
Steve,
I feel the same way you do. Exactly. but it seems your wife may be more understanding than my husband, but he is getting there.
I am not sure what you are taking but I was put on cymbalta for my depression a year ago. It really helps, before that I was on zoloft and it was awful my PC doctor just kept increasing the dose and I was a zombie, that is when I went to a specialist. I am also on Ativan for my anxiety attacks. I do not take it all the time. Only when the attacks come on.
I am not sure if you remember me saying but this happened to me five years ago. My husband has issues from his childhood .....It is not an excuse but it is a reason. Eventually your wife will win you trust back and the pain will decreas over time. But currently I am in the same boat. The thought in my head are not kind, the idea that some other women touched him haunts me ever day. I used the excuse that he was going fishing 2 hours away from our house, so every darn time he goes I am okay for a while then my anxiety attacks start. It really stinks.
I take my ativan when it happens call my husband and he calms me down. It is ruff, I guess it helps to vent on this site.
As far as the people talking.....shame on them. Everyone has skeltons in their closet. Hold you head up high, be proud of yourself for not giving up on your marriage. I am also a firm believer in what goes around comes around, those people that take joy in others misery will evetually get what is coming to them.
Tina
Pray. I don't know what your faith is or what you may believe but I honestly find that when I feel like I am being bombarded with emotions and questions and I feel like I can't take it anymore, talking to God makes me realize that I am not alone.
There is but so much that one person can bear, which is why we need something greater to help us take away the burdens we walk around with so we can be free. I am sorry that you are going through this but remember that there will come a time when everything is better. The images will go away and the horrible feelings will go away. When you find yourself sinking back into this depressed mood, think about something good. That will help you to focus on something else. Something else that might help might be to talk to your wife about the feelings you have.
I hope this helps.
It really sucks what you are going thru. I am going thru the same thing. I suggest you get FMLA at work. I got on it, so when my emotions take over, I can go home and deal with them. I also go to a therapist. It is relieving to be able to say anything and everything to a stranger that wont judge you. I suggests calling one, I swear he saved me from hurting myself or my husband many times. Stay strong. It will get better with time. I'm 3 months in... it's hard, but I'm trying like hell to stay in the marriage.