Hi, I am new here and have never done this before. Today is one of those helpless days where I could curl up in a blanket and sob my eyes out. I never really ask for help, mainly because I find the point mute. I guess my question is when you have more bad days than good how do you get through it?
For me it is one day at a time, counseling and walks with the dogs. for some reason after I walk it doesn't seem so hopeless. :)
It's always easier to become self absorbed then to seek help. You have made the first step in the right direction my friend. We all waller in self pity including myself; it's just counter productive to healing your heart and mind, however long that may take. Just remember to keep talking and someone will answer.
Oh my GOD, I never thought depression -DEEP depression was to be considered as feeling sorry for yourself, I was told it's a disease and that it is! No one wants to feel like this I can assure you of that!
The big problem is we don't look ill, we don't sit in a wheel chair, walk with a cane or where hearing aids, none the less it's just as debilitating if not worse, because it goes unseen, we have people telling us to get off our butts and stop feeling sorry for our selves...
No one wants to feel like this I can assure you of that one, speaking from experience. I have suffered with deep suicidal depression since the age of 12, off and on when life threw me a few large curve balls to trip me back over that edge.
It's so not easy and I know I try hard to get better darn hard. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!
Being a carer myself sometimes makes you feel trapped, with no identity but that of carer, I have days where I get angry with myself for feeling like I do as I see so so many folks out there dealing with such horrid things but hanging in there never the less. My heart goes out to them, I feel like I can help others and feel good about it, but when it comes to fixing me, or feeling better about me it's a totally different story..
All I can say is much the same as tright1bby Thu, 05-19-11, 04:48 hang in there, they say exercise is great, maybe a friend might come for walks with you, that way you get to chat and walk, be kind to yourself, you are special, someone out there thinks so, that's where we go wrong we forget we are in individual who needs to be loved and special to someone.
Take care, sending you a great big sisterly hug... :)
Onlychild, try learning something new even if its something ever so small sometimes this can make a difference in ones perception cause there are lessons to be learned even when it comes out of bad experiences.
All my strengths.
April
Hi onlychild, My name is Suzee and I'm glad to meet you. I think I will start by expressing my opinion about depression as I think it can be lumped in to someone just feeling blue now and then. Depression is a very serious, valid illness and it needs to be treated as such. Untreated depression can and does lead to very risky or self defeating behaviors and all too often, suicide. Believe me I KNOW!! :) I believe Wiffyatthehub (kathy) has some better information about the different types of depression and we may see her come along soon and advice as she is an absolute angel of information and love on these boards!! (waving to Kathy, smiling)
For me, my depression went untreated for a long time because I was in a very abusive marriage and wasn't really allowed to make decisions like going to the doctors when I needed to etc.. I have other very serious life threatening illnesses and yet, I was too afraid and too "sad" to see the doctor and admit what was going on and how I was really feeling.
When I saw my doctor, she knew immediately what was wrong... and she gave me a test to take. I was honest on the test and scored in the severe depression column. She gave me Cymbalta immediately and I am not kidding when I say I noticed a difference in 2 weeks!! I literally felt so strange one day and it took me literally a few days trying to figure out what this strange feeling I was.... It was hope!! I felt Hopeful!! OMG I didn't recognize the feeling because I hadn't felt that way in so long. Now I've heard of others who get very quick results from Cymbalta.
Now I'm also going to tell you that there are no "instantly permanent failsafe" pills. The anti depressant is definately imperative to me feeling better. My doctor tried to explain it to me as certain things are not happening in my brain and the meds help it get those things back. (again, Kathy can explain much better) I also have depression due to the abuse, so lots of us have both kinds of depression here and that's nothing to be ashamed of. The ONLY shame in depression is not getting the help you need because of misconceptions about what is truly a medical condition no different than diabetes or MS.
SO, I'm long winded again, But I'm also going to tell you onlychild, that I was sobbing and hour ago. Down right crying my eyes out. BUT I'm not devastated still. I have some sad things going on in my life so it's perfectly ok and normal if I cry a little to get some frustration, fear etc... out by crying. But I do think that the anti depressants have made it easier for me to not be so sad all the time and actually have begun to have more good days than bad. THAT feels great because I've been sad for a long, long time!!
I hope my post helps in some way. Keep on posting and you will meet lots of people who know exactly how you feel and they too, will extend their hands to help hold you up and reassure you that you matter and how you feel is real. Many, many beautiful people here and I'm so glad you spoke up today and I look forward to getting to know you and walking through your challenges together!!
Please feel free to let me know if I can help you in any way! Just remember that because you have depression doesn't mean you are weak or you've done something wrong...quite the contrary.
Again, I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but so glad you found us!!! I strongly believe in hugs and I try to send many each day so you get some extra ones today!!
Lots of big welcoming hugs, Suzee
Suzee, you are so right in what you say, too many folk throw people who suffer from depression be it chronic or season or bought on by trauma of some kind as being in need of a kick up the butt and you will be right or pull your socks up etc etc... or just throw us in the too hard basket, this is so untrue and very unfair.
Of course people do have down in the dump days or the blues, but when this continues for weeks, months on end it's time you like Suzee did see your Dr and get help.
I've suffered with depression on and off since the age of about 12, not that I realized this at the time, it's only now some 30+ years down the track and now suffering from the worst bout of Depression I've even had, and just can't seem to shake it.. That I can look back and say wow, I’ve been here before, but still don’t know how I got here or why? And how and why so long this time? I have all these questions that I just don't have the answers for, but that won't make me stop looking.
On my good days I get dressed even have a shower and sometimes I even leave the house, or potter in my garden, that is a big achievement for me, and I tend to feel great when that has happened. I tend to be good when I have people around me it keeps me busy and gives me someone to talk to but alas that’s a rarity.
I’ve tried the pep talks kicking myself up the butt and guess what? It just doesn’t work like that, just not so easy. Some times when people say that or think it, I feel like saying SWAP. I’m sure they wouldn’t take me up on my offer.
Isn’t it wonderful how we can help others but find it so hard to do the same for your selves.
Hang in there and be true to yourself, no one else.
I know life goes on and one of these days I’m going to get over this latest bout of chronic depression I’m now suffering .... just one day at a time, little baby steps..
Take care big hugs sadgal24
dear only child, you have received alot of good information and counsil heartfelt advice and comments. i couldn't add more. keep busy and interested in things you like to do if possible force yourself if necessay. do not allow yourself to lay dormant and do nothing!
increase your prayers as best as you cas and see what happens. i am in your corner. all my best with faith and hope and love, a prayer warrior
Onlychild, sadgal and maria and others (sorry my brain isn't working today) have given you great advice!! I completely agree with doing things that you love to do.. or even used to love to do. I here at my house, will take a break and play with my dogs... even 10 minutes can help our bodies to begin to just feel better. It's NOT the cure, but it can go a long way in feeling more in control, and better yet, able to feel more in control which makes us feel stronger.
I try planning little things like taking 10 minutes or 5 minutes to watch the birds on the feeders or sit on my front porch for a little bit with a magazine. I literally would make it a goal in my day that was just as important as any of my appointments or required chores of that day. Maybe that sounds silly, but it helps me take a break from the stress and depression. Any little thing we enjoy, maybe crosswords or wordfinds etc... those are also good "breaks" from depression having control.
Depression is as real and it's a big part of many peoples days. Being able to talk about it, is so so good for us!! When you see others feeling and seeing and thinking the same things, it helps us to see that you are not alone!!!
Big giant squishy comforting hugs, Suzee