Where to begin

I met a wonderful lady about 4months ago. We started talking then it led to dating. Everything was going great, we were really clicking with each other. Then the unthinkable happened. One afternoon we were having a great time and then she started feeling ill. She decided to go home early and go to the doctor the next day. Well after a series of testing (you know the routine)she told me that she had been diagnosed with stage IIIb lymphoma. Our worlds came crashing down around us. Neither of us knew what to do next. Now by this time we had already expressed our true feelings for each other, and were basking in that glow of new found love. It was decided by her doctors that radiation and chemo were the best plan of attack. Well that went on for about a month; up until her check up. She has been diagnosed stage IV. Now we're up to yesterday...I have just now found out about this and I honestly don't know what to do, or what to say. I try to be positive, I try to say encouraging things. I want to help, I want to make it go away, I want to grow old with this lady; and yet I know I can't make it go away, I can't take this sickness from her. No matter how hard I try.
I fear the worst will happen, yet I hope and pray for the best. She is talking of going away to a homeopathic center that treats cancer patients with different methods. I have suggested MD Anderson and cancer treatment centers, so I can at least be closer to her. Am I wrong in that thinking? What do I do? What do I say?

I suppose I should mention that I'm 36 and she's a couple years older than I am.

If you love for her is real and strong you will support her through good times and bad. you say you want to grow old with her so support her and love her through all the good and bad times that the future will hold. Just being by her side will be the best thing. actions speak louder than words. I wish you and her the best and i hope you do try to get her to be closer to you. You have all rights to ask her to be closer to you.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. One thing ya'll should know is that even in stage IV this is still a beatable cancer. It has high cure rates across the board. Has her doctor shared that information with her? I'm assuming so since she's already started treatment.

Do you know why she is already searching for alternative approaches rather than sticking with the "regular" routine for Hodgkin's patients?

That being said, I am the wife of a Hodgkin's patient. My husband is only 31 and was diagnosed 6 months ago. I'm not going to say it's easy taking care of someone with cancer, but when you love that person, you have to step up and do just that. We found out my husband was sick 2 days before our second son was born and these six months have been hard. However, at his half way PET scan the cancer was gone! He still had to finish the rest of his chemo treatment (he was done on December 17th), Greg had his follow-up PET yesterday and we're meeting with the oncologist to talk about after-care tomorrow.

So, I tell you all of that to say this... things seem dark and scary right now, but modern medicine has many approaches when dealing with this cancer and it's beatable. Keeping a positive and proactive attitude will help her do the same thing and can be very important when it comes to recovery as well.

I hope that you will keep us updated on her situation and I will be praying for your encouragement, wisdom, and discernment during this time.

Josh-
Considering the incredible success rates of Hodgkins treatment, even at stage IV, it's unfortunate that she's not interested in them or wants to look elsewhere, but even though I personally find most 'alternative' therapies abhorrent, each person has to pursue the course they are most comfortable with; it's their basic human right. It's a thin line to walk, only you know which way to go on this.

Ross

well here's a current update on this situation....
For whatever reason she is keeping me in the dark on a lot of what the doctor's have told her. I did manage to get her to tell me that it has spread to her stomach. I'm only surmising that she is doing this to protect me. But what I don't understand is why.
She wants to go to this other treatment center not only for herself, but to spare me seeing her go thru all of it. I don't understand that either....can someone explain that to me like I'm a 12yr old?? Like I said in the beginning, this is all very new to me so I am somewhat lost in all this.
I do know that she did tell me that the doctors have told her that the chemo and radiation were unsuccessful in reducing the tumors (3 at the initial diagnosis), as to how many there are now, I do not know.

more to come as I get it...
Thanks guys I do appreciate the information and kind words

JoshinTexas I can only tell you what it meant to me when I was diagnosed with NHL the first time in 1995. I had been married 25 days when I had surgery. My new husband had to tell me I had cancer when I woke up from exploratory surgery. I was so worried about our new relationship, with a blended family and all the drama surrounding us. He saw me pale, bald, sometimes wired, and sometimes drained. None of that mattered. He loved me just the way I was. We have enjoyed almost 16 years cancer free. Our children are grown and raising their own children now.
We are starting on our second type of NHL now, but he is with me every day for chemo, tests, and whatever else they can throw at us! Be there for her. I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. Prayer and friends are another important piece of the whole recovery. I followed the suggested regimen and would have gone to MD Anderson if we were closer to Texas. I also took vitamins, which the doctor said would do no good but I disagreed. I have taken them for 15 years. I worked out, saw a nutritionist, and stayed active with our friends and family. Work kept my mind occupied and feeling normal.
I hope she will let you in because it will help her greatly. Best wishes to you both.

Hi, my daughter was diagonsed with Hodgkin's Lymphomia 02/28/10 and received ABVD until 09/01/10. Yesterday we were told that it she has 'activity' in her glands and tonsils. I am feeling crazy right now and I have never joined or posted to a site so I am not sure if I am doing it correctly.

Tomorrow we will see the Dr. and find out more information.

What does it mean when it goes to the other side of her body and she gets it in her tonsils?

Any info would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Bonnie

bewestern:
what did you find out from the doctor? Good news I hope.
Ross

It's so comforting to read how successful The treatment 4 Hodgkins is! My 18 year old son has stage 4A intermediate disease and his tumors shrunk 60% at the one third mark according to the PET scan. I've heard that most will beat this(even at later stages) & i'm praying that my son will live a long and happy life despite this diagnosis. Any stories of hope would be greatly appreciated!! I'm new here--i go to a parents support group but their kids r all much younger than my Jake and their diagnoses unfortunately have lower cure rates so i feel weird and different there. Thanks, Vicki

Vicki-
stage 4A, so what treatments is he receiving for it, or what regimen?

Ross