Where to start... This is a brand new year and it already su

Where to start... This is a brand new year and it already sucks. As much as i enjoyed the New Years celebration i hated the day after. It was supposed to be a nice evening for me and my husband but he neglected to tell me that he had invited his friend and the evening turned in to drinks, drinks and more drinks which was topped of with my next door neighbor dropping of some stupid spanish liquor, which had disaster written all over it. At 2am he woke me with the attempt to undress me while i was asleep only to announce after i woke, that he is now ready for our "night alone". Our arrangement was to not bother me when he is drunk because very very bad things happened before while he was drunk which are unforgivable. Needless to say this ended in an argument followed by him slapping me on the top of my head and tossing a chair while calling me all kinds of names. A few hours pass and he again wakes me for another attempt which i clearly turned down, just to receive the same treatment of name calling and empty threats.

How could i allow a man, that has been violent before, to touch me. Isn't it bad enough that i have absolutely no choice but staying with a man that is more worried about his physical needs than the damage he done with his lies, infidelity and abuse.

I heard it so many times, people telling me to run as fast as i can. I wish i could. I have no family, no friends, no where to go but here and than there are my children, that would than be defenseless against his drunken outbursts.

I am currently looking into finding a counselor that can help me to deal with all of this in a healthy way rather than trying to avoid it and it coming back at me in humongous burst which have me so deep in depression that my only way out seems to be death may it be mine or his. I am feeling helpless and lonely in a house full of life. My children are my life and keep me from doing something stupid but for how long? I am broken already its just a matter of time before I'm falling to pieces if there is no change.

1 Heart

that sounds beyond hard to deal with. i know the feeling of being trapped in a life.

Instead of doing nothing out of fear that your children will be defenseless against this man... do you not have any way of taking action to protect them? Are local authorities an option?

You sound like you have a great insight into everything! I think depression would be normal for anyone dealing with your circumstances. Its okay to not have all the answers. i know its frustrating. Time and your good common sense will serve you well. Take care of yourself.