Who gets to visit when you reach your chemo low point

I just had my 4th ABVD treatment last Thursday. My partner normally goes with me, but this time my sister went with me (she travelled 4 hours to get here). Last evening, the chemo began kicking in and I started my normal downward spiral that happens with each treatment.

My sister believes that my Mother needs to see me at my low point. My Mother is 76 years old, lives 2 hours away, and is in the early stages of dementia. I do not want to expose her to my low point days. My sister disagrees and I would like to know other's viewpoints on this. I would rather my Mother come see me when I'm at the high end of the nadir curve.


Hi Paul,

I think it is important that you do what you feel is appropriate. As a parent of a child with HL and as a daughter of an Alzheimer's afflicted mother, I can see both sides of the question. I would tend to agree that there is no benefit for your 76 year old mother to see you at a low point.

I wish you well.


Hi Paul,
Having cancer is hard- It is you that has to live through all the ups and downs and as much as your sister and mother love you, you aren't on exhibit. If you feel that it would be better for YOU not to see your mother during the low points- then that is what you should do. The low points are really hard and I don't feel there is any reason to add any pressure to them by trying to be better than you feel. Do what is best for you. You will be through this soon enough- take the time you need and see her when you are up to it.

Hello Paul,

I agree with every one else. It is totally up to you whether or not to let your Mom see you at your low points.

I have a 92 year old grandmother who was recently diagnosed with altsheimers disease. I am not going to tell her I have cancer (not that she'll remember if I do)

The last time she saw me she had asked my mother why I lost so much weight. My mom told her that she didn't know, maybe I was on a diet or something. My Mom didn't want to tell her either, she's to old to have to deal with that.

Thank you all for your updates. They are very much appreciated.
Chemo #5 tomorrow...